


Of damaged hearts and awakenings

by birdsandmirrors



Category: Once Upon A Time - Fandom
Genre: Cursed AU, F/M, dark!pan, sequel to high school au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-08
Updated: 2013-12-17
Packaged: 2018-01-03 23:56:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 64,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1074565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/birdsandmirrors/pseuds/birdsandmirrors
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of the broken curse, Peter and Wendy are left with the aftermath of the relationship they had as James and Gwen.<br/>Sequel to "Of books and late classes". It might be hard for you to follow this fic without having read the previous one firt.<br/>COMPLETE</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Of discoveries and family

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to "Of books and late classes"  
> Here it is !! Fair warning : While "Of books and late classes" was fairly fluffy, this... well, isn't. It's darker, angstier. Just thought I should warn you.  
> (Seriously though do I even need to warn you it will be dark when the ship is DARLING PAN)

_Neverland, long ago_

Wendy Darling was ready for adventure. Ready for magic, excitement, thrills – she was longing for it with all her heart.

The Shadow led her through the sky, in a sea of stars, and Wendy drank it all with her youthful eyes and hungry heart. Everything around her was spinning and she felt excited, happy.

It was night in London but where she arrived, it wasn’t night. On the contrary, the day was bright, sunny – she didn’t remember seeing such a sunlight ever before. It was an odd shade of golden yellow, with a silver shimmer, shining on the trees. Wendy caught a glimpse of colorful flowers, and gasped when she saw, beneath her feet, her own reflection in the seawater. She giggled as her bare toes grazed the surface of the water, tickling her, but the Shadow wasn’t stopping.

She should have been scared, but she wasn’t. This was magic – this was a dream, an adventure. This was what happened to heroes in the stories – they were whisked away to different worlds, and they ended up living wonderful things. This was her turn, simply. She wished her brothers were with her. She wished Baelfire could see – he had said magic was dangerous, but everything was so beautiful here. It was like a dream. She wished he could see how wrong he had been.

Soon, her feet touched the ground, and the Shadow disappeared, leaving her on the shore, right next to the sea. Wendy turned, looking around, her eyes wide and full of wonder. Far away, she saw a ship sailing in the distance. She shivered in excitement. Pirates, perhaps ? Like in stories ?

She looked behind her to the trees – there seemed to be a path between the dense bushes. Wendy smiled to herself, picked up the skirt of her nightgown and started walking, the earth fresh and pleasant beneath her bare feet.

She wasn’t sure how long she walked – it was probably a while, but she didn’t feel tired, or hungry, or thirsty. A draft of wind moved through the trees, and sunlight hit the flowers in a wondrous way. Wendy stopped to look at some of them, bending down to admire their petals, when she heard a noise behind her in the forest.

Wendy jumped a little, looking around, when she noticed somebody standing a few feet from her. It was a tall boy, with blond hair – he was very tall, much taller than her, and wore a hood on his head. Wendy stood up nervously.

-          Hello, she said.

-          Hello.

The boy was looking at her curiously – Wendy wondered how old he was. He did seem a few years older than her, almost an adult. He looked almost wary of her.

-          You’re new, he said after a moment.

-          Yes. Yes, I just arrived – over there, by the shore, Wendy said, pointing through the trees. Excuse me but – where am I ?

-          Neverland.

-          Neverland, Wendy repeated with a sigh. What a beautiful name.

-          It’s odd, the boy said, frowning. You’re the first girl I see here.

-          Really ?

-          Yes.

-          Oh, Wendy said, a little put-out. Well… I’m here. I’m Wendy – Wendy Moïra Angela Darling.

-          Felix. Just Felix.

Wendy smiled. The boy gave her a discreet smile.

-          Well, come on, then, Felix said. Follow me.

-          Where are we going ?

-          You need to meet our leader.

-          Oh, Wendy said excitedly. You have a leader ? What’s he like ?

-          You’ll see.

Her curiosity ever growing, Wendy followed Felix through the woods. He definitely knew his way around, that much was obvious – he took routes and detours Wendy wouldn’t have dreamt of. It was like the land was moving to make way for him, sometimes. Wendy followed hurriedly, taking in everything with curiosity. Sometimes, she’d see something move or glitter in the trees, and she had to stop herself from squealing in delight.

Soon, they reached a clearing in the woods, underneath a big tree. Wendy admired it, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, her eyes shining with wonder. A few seconds later, she noticed silhouettes appearing from the trees, timid, cat-like.

Felix hadn’t lied : they were boys, all of them, young boys. Some of them were children, other teenagers, but they were all boys, and all wore black, brown or green. They all looked at Wendy curiously, their eyes wide as they observed her. Almost as though she was an animal they’d never seen before.

-          What’s that ? one of them asked.

Wendy frowned, offended :

-          That ? she repeated. I’m not a thing. I’m a girl.

-          A girl, one of the boys repeated, confused.

-          Have you never seen one before ? Wendy said, skeptical.

-          Maybe… once, a boy said, biting his lip.

-          I remember girls, another said proudly. This is one. Girls wear dresses like this.

-          Stop gaping, Felix said firmly. Pan’s Shadow brought her. So, she’s supposed to be here. Where’s Peter ?

-          He’s not here. He left by sunlight – didn’t tell us where he’d gone.

Felix gritted his teeth, and glanced at Wendy again, who gave him a quizzical look. One of the boys approached Wendy, tugging on her dress :

-          Do you cook ? he asked. I think I remember that girls cook.

-          Well, Wendy said. Not really. I’m too young, but I know a little ! But I’m not here to cook. I’m here for adventures !

-          We have those, the boy said with a nod.

-          Good ! Wendy beamed.

She felt Felix’s stare still on her, as though he was deep in thought. She glanced back at him, a little nervous, but still smiling.

-          Is everything all right ? she asked.

-          Yes.

-          Is your … leader not here ?

-          No. But he’ll come.

Wendy looked around her – some boys were still staring at her, but she didn’t care. She was too excited.

-          Can I go visit the island ? she asked. I want to see everything !

This time, Felix gave her his first real grin :

-          Of course, he said mischievously. Come on, boys ! he hollered.

The rest of the day was absolutely wonderful. With Felix and a few other boys, Wendy walked through the island, discovering hollow trees, lakes, caves, mysterious pathways – she thought she spotted a few creatures she had only dreamt of before, like fairies, mermaids… She saw a few boys jumping from a tree, flying into the sky like the Shadow had. Wendy gasped, bringing her hands to her mouth.

-          They’re flying !

-          They are, Felix said, smirking.

-          Can you fly, too ?

-          All of us can.

-          Can I ?

-          You’ll have to learn.

-          Will you teach me ?

-          Perhaps. Not now.

Impatient, but satiated by Felix’s words, Wendy clapped her hands and watched the boys fly around in the sky. She thought of her brothers, and about how happy they would be to fly too. She would have to come back to get them – bring them to visit this magical land.

The light of the day dimmed, as evening descended upon Neverland. It was as though suddenly, laughter and fun were fading away, leaving behind an odd sense of stillness. Wendy didn’t find this unpleasant, and she was quite tired from running around all day. The boys lied down on the grass, curling up against trees. Wendy looked around, biting her lip, searching for a place to sleep, when she felt a slight touch on her arm.

-          Here, Felix said quietly, pointing.

Underneath one of the trees, there was a spot of green moss, surrounded by leaves. Wendy beamed at Felix, and went to sit under the tree, lying down on her side, yawning. Felix sat on the tree’s roots, a few feet from Wendy. He threw a few berries at her, and she caught them with gratitude, eating them as darkness surrounded Neverland.

Night, here, was deep, blue and dark as ink. It was thick, secretive : it seemed through the skin, inside the veins, reaching the heart, and Wendy felt a chill go through her. The excitement left her and suddenly, she longed for her parents, for her brothers. She sighed, suddenly wishing she was home to them. She closed her eyes, refusing to give into such weakness – but she opened her eyes again when she heard, echoing through the night, cries, sobs coming from all corners of the island.

She sat up, frightened, shivering. She couldn’t see any boy’s faces – were they crying too ? Why ? She turned to catch a glimpse of Felix’s face – she could only see his opened eyes in the dark. He didn’t seem to be crying.

-          What’s happening ? she whispered. Why is everybody crying ?

-          Go back to sleep, Wendy.

-          No, Wendy said, ready to get up. I want to know – I want to know why they’re all crying. We need to help them…

-          You can’t help them.

-          Why not ?

-          You can’t. Nobody can. Don’t worry. They’re all right. They’ll be fine tomorrow.

Wendy shuddered, her heart aching at the sound of so much pain, so much loss – the cries were surrounding her, gripping her tender heart like an icy claw. She tried to meet Felix’s eyes, but he was staring in the distance. Wendy lied down again, but she couldn’t close her eyes. Soon, she started crying too.

She missed her parents. She missed her brothers.

Mummy, Daddy…

_John… Michael…_

 

_Storybrooke, present day_

Wendy stood there, dizzy, frozen, leaning against the car to remain standing up. Tears formed in her eyes as everything came crashing back to her – Gwen Berry became Wendy Darling again. She let out a shaky breath, overwhelmed.

The car door opened, and Liza came out, staring, wide-eyed, clutching at her heart. For a moment, both women stared at each other, as though seeing each other for the first time – Gwen had been Liza’s nice but this woman before her, Wendy didn’t know her.

-          Who are you ? Liza asked her, her voice shaky, her eyes full of emotion and curiosity.

-          Wendy, the teenage girl whispered, the name almost foreign on her lips. And you … ?

-          Elyse. I…

Suddenly, Elyse’s face changed, and she gasped, looking around :

-          My daughters, she said. I have two daughters – they’re here. I have to…

She turned to Wendy again :

-          Will you be all right ?

-          Yes, Wendy said. Go, go to your daughters !

Gratefulness appeared on Elyse’s face, and she started walking away, before turning. She ran to Wendy, gave her a hug, tears in her eyes, before running down the street. Wendy watched her go, emotions swirling around inside of her : she was still dizzy, confused, but none of that mattered.

Elyse had gone to seek out her daughters : now, Wendy was going to find her brothers.

John. Michael. They had been right next-door, for years, ignorant, unknowing…

Wendy heard people come out of their houses, crying, calling for names – the town was in absolute effervescence. Wendy ran to the Cheree’s house – she didn’t have time to reach it. Soon enough, as she was stumbling on the sidewalk, she saw two familiar silhouettes come towards her, and she started sobbing out her brother’s names as they ran towards each other in the middle of the street.

-          Wendy !

-          John ! Michael…

She fell to her knees, hugging her brothers with both arms. She could hear John sniffle and Michael sob, and she buried her face against Michael’s shoulder, her hand clasping John’s. Her chest felt as though it was about to explode and in that moment, nothing else mattered.

She had her brothers back.

 

_Neverland, long ago_

When sunlight hit, Wendy woke up with darkened eyes and a tired heart. The memory of the previous night clung to her. But, with the sunlight, it seemed to fade away. After some initial confusion, she felt her smile come back, and shook off the bad memory easily. It had been a nightmare, nothing more, and it was soon forgotten.

She sat up, stretching her arms. Around her, the boys were still sleeping soundly. She glanced towards Felix – he was asleep, looking peaceful. Wendy smiled – he had been very nice to her so far. In fact, all the boys seemed nice. She liked it here. She didn’t feel as though she wanted to leave.

Wendy stood up, ruffling her nightgown to get rid of the grass. She ran a hand through her golden curls, trying to straighten it, and looked around her. Then, grinning to herself, she decided to go explore the surroundings. Quietly, feeling adventurous, the young girl left the little spot in the woods, following the sound of the water she could hear nearby.

The sunlight grew brighter and brighter, bathing the island in its glow – and Wendy let out a sigh of wonder as she fell upon a beautiful lagoon, surrounded by purple trees. The water was colorful, almost turquoise – and pink water lilies were floating on the surface. In the water, Wendy could see the glimmer of fish tales swimming around, and she stood there for a few minutes, admiring the sight lovingly.

But looking wasn’t enough. No. She was adventurous. She needed to take a closer look.

Carefully, quietly, Wendy approached the lagoon, her feet tingling as she walked on the soft grass that surrounded the water. She knelt down beside it, looking inside at the millions of lights and glimmers she could spot in the water. With her eyes, she followed silver scales around the lagoon. Suddenly, she let out a small gasp.

This wasn’t a fish. This was a mermaid.

Wide-eyed, the young girl watched avidly as the magical creature swam around – Wendy was pretty sure there were others, deeper underneath the water. But this one was swimming closer to the surface, and Wendy crouched down, not wanting to spook the creature.

The mermaid’s head appeared: her hair was light, her skin shiny, and she bore an unreadable expression as she stared at Wendy. The girl smiled breathlessly, absolutely enchanted. She couldn’t even breathe as the mermaid slowly swam towards her, her head peeking outside the water close to Wendy.

A smile appeared on the mermaid’s face, small, but entrancing, and Wendy found herself leaning towards her, almost ready to touch her…

Suddenly, the mermaid looked away from Wendy, to the side. Her expression changed, growing from enchanting to scary, aggressive, and she hissed, almost like a cat, before disappearing into the depths of the lagoon, her tail splashing water on Wendy. The girl came out of her trance, looking around in confusion.

Her eyes fell on a boy she hadn’t seen before. He was standing on the lagoon rock, his hands on his hips. He had sandy blond hair, and he wore dark green clothes. He was looking at the water, laughter on his lips. Wendy frowned at him : his eyes full upon a her, and his laughter disappeared, leaving behind an unreadable expression, followed by a smirk.

-          You scared her away, Wendy said reproachfully.

-          Are you sure ? Maybe it was you, the boy said, cocking his head to the side with a laugh.

-          Me ? Wendy said. Absolutely not !

-          You’re not being very grateful.

-          Grateful ? Why should I be grateful ?

-          Because mermaids like to _drown_ people.

The boy jumped from the rock, then flew to the shore, standing a few feet from Wendy, who stood up.

     -       She’d have taken you to the depths, and made you gasp for air until you fell limp to the bottom of the lagoon, the boy continued.

     -       She… she would have ?

     -       Yes. Do you know nothing about mermaids ?

     -        I … I thought they were supposed to be nice.

     -        Some are. Some aren’t. It’s like people.

Wendy felt a little guilty for reprimanding the boy. She tucked her hair behind her ears and smiled nervously :

-          Then, I guess I do have to be grateful. Thank you very much.

-          Don’t thank me, the boy said. I didn’t do it for you. I don’t care who they drown. I just don’t like it when they do it without my permission.

Wendy’s smile faded, and she frowned again. She wasn’t sure she liked this boy very much at all. He was looking at her the same way others did – with curiosity, as though she was a very interesting specimen – but there was a darkness, an intensity to his gaze that made her uneasy. He kept looking at her, then he crossed his arms over his chest, tilting his head.

-          So it’s true, then, he said. The Shadow brought a girl to my island. What a… curious little thing you are.

-          Your island ? Wendy repeated. Then, you are…

The boy grinned, taking a step towards Wendy.

-          Peter Pan, he said, his eyes shining with pride.

-          I’m Wendy. Wendy Moïra Angela Darling.

Wendy stared at the boy curiously – so, that was the leader Felix had spoken of ? But he was so young – younger than Felix. How could he be the leader, the chief of the island ? That was very odd.

-          I wonder why it brought you, Peter added, stroking his chin thoughtfully, staring at Wendy. It always brings boys.

-          Maybe I’m special, Wendy said with defiance, lifting her chin.

-          I’m not sure you belong here. I haven’t decided yet.

-          Well, maybe it’s not yours to decide !

-          Oh, but it is, Pan said, his eyes darkening. Everything, here, is mine to decide. _Everything_.

-          And yet, your Shadow brought me, Wendy retorted. It doesn’t seem like you decided that.

Peter glared at Wendy, clearly displeased – Wendy immediately felt a little nervous about goading the leader of this strange, magical land – but he was treating her as though she was unwelcome here, and as though he had saved her life simply out of a petty desire for control. These weren’t qualities for a leader.

-          Wendy ! Wendy !

Wendy turned at the sound of Felix’s voice – she soon saw him immerge from the woods. He was obviously looking for her. When he saw her, she caught a glimpse of relief on his face – but when he saw Pan, he straightened his back. Peter cocked his head to the side, staring at Felix.

-          Felix, he said. I see you’ve met our guest of honor.

-          I was taking her to you, Felix said.

-          Yes, I know, Peter said. I heard. I decided to come see for myself – I found her almost getting drowned by a pesky mermaid.

Felix glanced at Wendy, who gave him an apologetic look.

-          I tell you, I almost let her drown, Peter said, looking back at Wendy. But I think she’s more fun alive. We’ll have to see.

Wendy glared at Peter. No. She didn’t like him. At all.

She looked for a comeback, but didn’t find one. So, she simply picked up the skirt of her nightgown and started walking away, past Felix, back into the woods. Felix watched her go, before turning to Peter, whose gaze broke away from the girl’s retreating back. He stared at the lagoon’s water, and threw a rock at it, disturbing the surface. He smirked to himself.

 

_Storybrooke, present day_

 

Peter, standing on the docks, hands in his pockets, watched the horizon thoughtfully. Felix stood beside him, his eyes also on the distance. They had quickly escaped the effervescence of the city, disappearing where they would be free to talk.

-          How did you find me here ? Peter asked Felix without looking at him.

-          When you didn’t come back from the other realm, we worried, Felix said. We looked for you everywhere – eventually, I went to look for you there. All I found was decay. We heard of a curse – we never stopped looking. But we could never find you – even the Shadow couldn’t get to you here. This place was hidden.

-          Because of the Queen’s curse, Peter said, recalling what Felix had told him a few minutes earlier.

-          Yes. And then, one day, the Shadow sensed you, here. Something had changed in Storybrooke. The Savior arrived.

-          The Savior ?

-          A woman, Felix said. Meant to break the curse. As soon as I could, I came here. I wanted to take you home. I hadn’t guessed what the curse had done to you.

Peter’s jaw clenched and he closed his fists in his pockets, swallowing. The curse had changed him – made him into another person.

-          Nobody here remembered who they truly were, Felix said. I wanted to take you home – but I couldn’t, not when you didn’t know who you were. I tried to make you remember, but the curse needed to be broken first. I tried to…

Felix stopped talking, but Peter didn’t him to go on. It was all clear to him now- Felix’s constant attempts to get James away from Gwen, to get him back into his old ways… his companion had tried to stop the damage.

He had failed. Felix didn’t know just how _much_ he’d failed.

-          I know, Peter said. Let’s forget about this. The curse. It sickens me, to think of how _weak_ I was.

Felix said nothing, and Peter took a deep, shaky breath, crossing his arms over his chest.

-          How’s the island ? he asked, dreading the answer.

-          Not good, Felix answered. It has been getting worse, since you left. The sun rarely shines anymore. Boys have tried to leave. The island can’t survive, without you.

-          I know. It needs me. Neverland needs me.

-          Yes, Felix nodded.

-          I am weak here, Peter spat out in frustration. My magic – it doesn’t work here. It’s tied to the island – I need to go back. For Neverland, for me. I can’t stand it. I never want to see this town again.

-          We’ll find a way, Felix assured him.

-          I know we will, Peter said harshly. Because I’m Peter Pan – and _Peter Pan never fails._


	2. Of threats and games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wendy and Peter meet again.

_Storybrooke, present day_

Wendy was ecstatic to have found her brothers again. Together, they mourned their parents – given the year it was now, back in their world, they were probably long dead. Wendy had thought of it before, but time passed so oddly in Neverland that it had never hit her quite this hard.

Still, she had John, she had Michael. They were together. And yet, Wendy couldn’t quite be as happy as she should be.

Because Pan was here, in Storybrooke, and he was bound to come for them.

As soon as the happiness of finding her brothers again had faded, Wendy had recalled James, and to know that she had been with Pan – that she had kissed him, _loved_ him – was something she couldn’t even begin to deal with.

Gwen, blissfully ignorant, had been madly in love with James. But Wendy hated Pan – he had been her tormenter for far too long. A hundred years, if the calendars were to be believed.

It was too overwhelming to even think about, and she didn’t know how to begin to handle it.

Wendy, John and Michael were older than they looked, and could take care of themselves. Still, Liza (who Wendy learned to called by her true name, Elyse) couldn’t stand the idea of letting the girl she had cared for for years alone in this town. Elyse found her daughters, two beautiful young women named Snow-White and Rose-Red, and brought them back to her house. She invited the three Darlings to stay with them, since they had no parents to take them in. The three of them stayed in the same room, unwilling to part from each other so soon.

At night, Wendy, lying on her bed, looked at Michael, who was peacefully sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Smiling, Wendy pressed a kiss to her fingers and her fingers to his forehead. Next to Michael, John was still awake, propping himself up on his elbows. He was looking at his sister.

-          I can’t sleep, he whispered.

-          Me either, Wendy confessed.

-          I’m glad we’re together, he said. But I’m scared. I’m scared he’ll come for us again.

At the mention of Pan, even without his name, Wendy shuddered, and tore her eyes away from Michael to look at John. Her brother was gazing at her seriously.

-          He’s here, Wendy, he said. In Storybrooke. James Young – that was Pan.

-          I know, Wendy said quietly.

-          Were you really with him, Wendy ?

Wendy closed her eyes, her heart hurting in her chest – the love that Gwen had for James was still there, burning, aching, making her miss him – but it hadn’t been real. James and Gwen weren’t real. They were a product of the curse they had all been under.

That hadn’t been, couldn’t be Peter and Wendy. She knew Pan too well to know that James’ tenderness was a product of the curse. Pan cared for nobody but himself.

-          I… Gwen was with James, she whispered. It wasn’t Pan. It was the curse.

-          It makes me so angry, John confessed quietly. That you were with him, after… after everything he’s done to us.

-          I’m sorry.

-          It’s not your fault. It’s the curse – but I’m still angry. I’m angry at him. If I’d known it was him – I would have punched him for even looking at you.

The image of John punching tall, godlike Peter eased Wendy's pain a bit, and she gave her brother a warm smile.

-          I know you would have, she said quietly. But we’ll be safe here – there are a lot of powerful, good people here. Fairy tale characters, can you believe it ? Snow White, Prince Charming, Little Red Riding Hood – they’ll protect us from Pan.

-          You really believe that ?

-          I do, Wendy assured him with a comforting smile.

But she didn’t. There was no escape from Pan. She’d learnt it countless times in the past.

But that doesn’t mean she would ever stop trying.

_Neverland, long ago_

Time passed differently in Neverland. Felix explained it to Wendy – several days could take place in Neverland while only one hour did in her world. It was reassuring, in a way – that meant people wouldn’t worry for her.

Wendy spent her times exploring the island, admiring the sea, playing with some of the boys. She felt like she fit in rather fine – the boys seemed to like her, like she was a new attraction. She learned to climb trees, played – it was fun. At night, she’d cry, missing her family but it was like daylight erased it all, and she didn’t even think about her parents and brothers anymore. She’d only realize that fact later on.  

Pan wasn’t around much. When he was, he’d talk and play with some boys. He seemed to merely tolerate Wendy, but he wasn’t sending her away either. Sometimes, she caught him looking at her, his face oddly serious, thoughtful, but he’d break away as soon as she caught him. She ignored him, and then glanced back at him when he wasn’t looking. Because he intrigued her greatly, whether she wanted to admit it or not. He was respected and feared in Neverland, and nobody dared cross him. He was in turn commanding and playful, and there was a fierce intensity in everything he did. Wendy felt drawn to him despite herself. There was a fire in him that was hard to resist, for anybody.

That day, Wendy had found berries, the same kind that Felix had given to her during her first night in Neverland. She’d picked them up and brought them back to camp – the boys had been happy to take some. Up in a tree, sitting on a branch, Pan was sculpting something. Wendy glanced at him, and his eyes met hers for a moment. She looked away, uneasy. She sat down on a log, and watched as a few boys played tag around the bushes. She giggled as one of them stumbled on the ground.

-          Are you all right ? she asked, concerned, but amused.

-          Yes, Wendy !

-          I’m bored.

Wendy looked up, frowning : Pan was still sitting on his branch, his legs hanging from it, and he was leaning forward, a grin on his face.

-          Let’s play a game, he said.

-          Hide and seek ! a boy cried out.

-          No, Peter said. We’re always playing the same games. I want something _new_.

He glanced at Wendy again. The girl bit her lip, and spoke up :

-          I know a game we could play. Have you ever played _Mother May I_ ?

The boys shook their heads. Wendy could feel Pan’s gaze on her, intense and watchful, but she ignored him, standing up from her log.

-          We have to pick someone to be the Mother, Wendy explained. She stands far away from the others, her back turned – but she must be able to hear. The goal is to be the first to reach the Mother – you can ask her to take steps forward – baby steps, giant steps, leaps - and she tells you if you may or not. She can also give you commands, and you have to obey. The first to reach her wins the game.

-          Can we play, Peter ? a boy asked, looking up to the trees.

Wendy followed the boy’s gaze towards the tree. Peter smirked, and nodded, flying to the ground in a graceful leap.

-          Yes, he said. Wendy’ll be the Mother.

-          No cheating, Wendy said.

-          Cheaters never win, Peter said.

Wendy grinned, and went to stand a little further into the forest, turning her back to the clearing. The boys gathered in the clearing, standing next to each other, Pan amongst them. Felix didn’t play. He was watching.

The boys picked up the game pretty quickly. Wendy explained more rules as they played along, and she had fun giving them odd commands, like leaping backwards or running into another direction. She could hear them laughing behind her, sometimes pushing each other :

-          Play nice ! Wendy exclaimed, holding a hand to her mouths to stifle her giggles.

She could feel the boys growing closer, and she giggled in anticipation – she sometimes played this game with her brothers. Michael always won. Peter Pan seemed to be having fun as well – perhaps he was starting to like her ?

-          Mother, he asked from behind her. May I take four steps to the left ?

-          No, you may not, Wendy said. But you may take three steps to the right.

She heard Peter laugh behind her and suddenly, she shivered. A hand touched her arm, spinning her around, and she found herself face to face with Pan. He was grinning broadly, and Wendy was about to ask him how he could have possibly gotten here so fast, when he leaned forward, his nose almost touching hers.

-          I win, he whispered.

Wendy felt a blush appear on her cheeks. She was trying to find a comeback, when Pan suddenly leapt upwards, flying away, disappearing into the trees before she could speak. 

_Storybrooke, present day_

This wasn’t smart of her, and she knew it – but the nagging knowledge that Pan was here haunted her. She hadn’t seen him in town ever since the curse had broken. She hadn’t seen Felix either – perhaps they had left already ? Could they even leave ?

She needed to know. And if Pan was here, she would stand her ground, and tell him to stay away from her and her brothers. She’d show him he didn’t have the upper hand anymore.

That’s why she was seeking him out. Right ? But deep down, she knew that a part of her longed to see him. Because she missed James, or whoever he had been, and she needed to see Pan, cruel, selfish Pan, to remind herself that James had been a creation of the curse.

So, she headed to the woods. To the cabin. She had a feeling he’d be there.

She was right.  

When Wendy saw the light through the window, she stopped. The last time she’d been there, and seen him through the window, they had fought in the rain. He’d told her he loved her, he’d taken her inside, and they had…

The memory took her over, and she closed her eyes, trying to push it away. This had been a mistake – she shouldn’t have come.

She was about to turn back, to run away, but the door opened in a creak. She couldn’t see him, but she knew he was inviting her inside.

She took a deep breath. He wouldn’t do anything to her now – that wasn’t his style. Whatever he planned to do, he would drag it, play the game until the end.

So, she walked to the cabin’s door.

Things were different inside the cabin : most furniture was gone – she wondered if Peter had gotten rid of it himself. His arms crossed, his head tilted to the side, he was leaning against the wall, the light of the fireplace drawing dark silhouettes on his face. Wendy felt her heart skip a beat : he wore James’ clothes, bore James’ face – they even had the same stance. In her mind, Wendy couldn’t quite reconcile what Gwen had felt for him, and what she felt for Pan. What had made James endearing made Pan terrifying. And yet, they were alike, just like Gwen and Wendy were alike.

But James had loved her. She was sure of it. Pan didn’t. He couldn’t. He didn’t love – _couldn’t_ love.

-          Wendy Darling, Pan drawled. I wasn’t sure if you’d come, or if I’d have to come get you myself. Did you miss me ?

The sound of his voice, missing the tender playfulness of James', had on her the effect of ice being dropped on her neck. 

-          I thought you might have left, Wendy said, once she’d found her voice.

-          Soon.

-          Where’s Felix ?

A shadow passed over Peter’s face, and his face hardened :

-          Gone. He’ll be back. He’s looking for a way back. Haven’t you heard, Wendy-bird ? If we leave, we forget again. And I’m never forgetting who I am again. _Ever_.

Wendy swallowed hard, keeping her eyes on him. It was like nothing had happened – he was Peter again. Unkind, cruel – had she maybe hoped for another alternative ? Hoping to see a bit of James in Peter ? She didn’t know. She regretted having come at all.

-          Cat got your tongue, bird ?

Wendy looked up sharply at him :

-          No, she said. I wanted to see if you were still here. I did. Now, I’m leaving.

-          Not so fast.

Her hand was already on the door handle, but he was so quick, cat-like : he pushed the door back, and Wendy took a step backwards. He couldn’t stand that close – not now. He towered over her – he had always been tall, way too tall. He made her feel too small to fight back. 

-          Did I say you could leave ? he asked in a low voice.

-          You don’t need to tell me, Wendy said. You don’t rule this place – I can leave if I want to. I’m not under your command anymore, _Pan_. I _escaped_ from you.

She felt a surge of satisfaction when she saw his face harden and his eyes darken. He clenched his jaw, scoffing slightly :

-          You didn’t, he said. You ended up here, anyway. With _me_.

-          Not for long, Wendy retorted. You’re leaving, remember ?

Peter smirked, and Wendy felt her heart sink – but she refused to look away from him.

-          And what exactly makes you think I’m not taking you with me ? he asked, confirming her suspicions.

-          Because you’re not, she retorted, hiding her fears, determined not to let him gain the upper hand. We’re not going back to Neverland with you.

-          Oh, really ?

-          Really, Wendy said, raising her voice, taking a step towards him, trying to seem taller than she was. We’re not going back. You won’t make us. We’re done, _Peter Pan_ – we’ve been done for a long time.

She was angering him, she could tell – but he was powerless here. She knew he was bound to Neverland – that was one of the rare pieces of information she had on him that she could use. She stood her ground, refusing to let him make her feel small and weak. His eyes were dark, fiery – it reminded her of the lust James used to have for her. She tried to dissociate the two and kept her eyes on his. For a moment, he looked furious but soon, his mouth twisted into a smirk, and he leaned in closer to her.

-          Really ? he whispered. Because that’s now the way it felt, a week ago.

Wendy wanted to slap him and herself. Because she couldn’t shake it, couldn’t push the love Gwen had felt for James from her heart, and now, he was using it to manipulate her, to gain the upper hand, to win the game, again. It had meant nothing to him – but then again, why would it ?

-          It was the _curse_ , she said forcefully. It wasn’t _real_. If I’d known who you were – I’d have run into another direction, because there’s no way I would have let you even touch me.

Whether that was true or not didn’t matter. She was lashing out. She hated him, she hated herself for still feeling something, and she hated the curse for putting her in that position. Hating him had already proved hard in the past, and this was only making things worse. Now, there was this whole new confusion between them, and she wondered whether or not he even felt it. Was he as conflicted as she was ? Was he fighting the urge to hug her, touch her, to seek out the comfort James would have sought out from Gwen’s touch ? Days ago, she’d been happy, she’d been madly in love and now, she was left with nothing. The curse wasn’t his fault, but she had plenty of reasons to hate him. She wanted to hurt him. She needed to let out her frustrations on someone, and he was as good a target as any. She felt an odd, dark sort of satisfaction at seeing the anger flash in his eyes.

-          You can’t run from me, he spat out. You can’t escape me, and you never will, not unless _I_ say so !

-          Wrong ! Wendy answered, almost screaming in his face. You’re not taking us back there – you can’t even go back there, yourself. You’re powerless here – and you’re hiding in your little pathetic cabin in the woods, like a _coward_ …

-          _Watch. Your. Mouth_ , Peter hissed.

-          _Make me._

He grabbed her by the shoulders, and Wendy fought back a gasp. This had been foolish – she should never have goaded him like this. But for so long, she’d only wanted to stand up to him, to stop running, to finally get a victory over him – who could blame her for still trying, after everything that happened ? But as she looked into his eyes, she was afraid. She had thought he wouldn’t hurt her – she wasn’t so sure anymore. He had no magic here – perhaps he would resort to other methods…

But he made no other movement. He simply stared at her for a few moments, his gaze boring into hers with intensity. He looked angry, perhaps angrier than she had seen him in a long time. His gaze dropped to her mouth for a split second, when suddenly, he moved and opened the door with a quick movement, pushing her outside.

-          Go back to your brothers, he said. Enjoy your time here, while you still can. Because I’ll be back for you, _Wendy-bird_. And if you tell anyone I’m here – I’ll kill them. I’ll take your brothers, and I’ll gut them in front of your eyes.

He slammed the door in her face, leaving Wendy breathless, furious, terrified.

-          If you touch them, I’ll kill you myself, Pan ! she cried out, banging with her fists on the door. I’ll kill you !  

She only stopped hitting the door when her fists hurt too much.

_I’ll be back for you,_ James had said, once. But his words had been loving, not threatening. Whether the threat was empty or not didn’t matter – she hated him. She hated him completely. Wendy hugged herself, biting her lip, and held back her tears until she reached the woods.

_Neverland, long ago_

Wendy grew sick of her nightgown. It wasn’t very comfortable for running around the island. It was Felix, once again, who helped her – from her arrival in Neverland, he had been always kind to her, if a little distant. The other boys liked her, but they treated her as though she was an interesting source of distractions.

Felix, she could call her friend.

He gave her boots, pants too short for her and a long, big white shirt – she tied a blue scarf around her waist to make it cling to her body. She braided her hair on the side, and thanked him – when she came out to the clearing again, she felt like she stuck out less. Pan glanced at her, but said nothing.

Things hadn’t changed much since the game they’d played. Wendy still wasn’t sure they liked each other, but she couldn’t speak of it to anyone. Nobody would hear a word against Pan. She had tried asking Felix if he thought Peter hated her. His response had been short, commanding :

-          Don’t cross Pan, he’d said.

Even the rebellious side of Wendy’s mind could see that those were wise words, and she stayed out of his way. That afternoon, after some time fighting with wooden swords with some of the boys (she believed she was getting quite good, after a few hours), she made her way towards the sea, wanting to explore the shores. Pan had gone off somewhere again – she wondered where he could possibly go, and how big the island was. It seemed as though it was never ending. She sat on a rock, playing with the end of her braid. That ship was still there, in the distance – although it seemed closer than the first time she’d seen it. The waves were calmly crashing on the san, and Wendy closed her eyes, listening to the delightful sound…

-          Well, well. So it’s true.

She jumped to her feet at the unfamiliar voice. It was a man’s voice – and there were no men amongst Pan’s group. The oldest-looking one was Felix, and that wasn’t his voice. Wendy turned, and her eyes fell on a man, whose lips were turned up into an odd little smile. He was tall, taller than her, and he wore a long, black jacket and black boots. His hair was dark and chin bore some stubble. He was handsome- Wendy didn’t fail to recognize it. But there was something about him that made her uneasy. She gasped when she noticed the hook he had in place of a hand – Hook. The word sounded familiar – she’d heard it on the island, before…

-          Who are you ? she asked, taking a few steps back warily.

-          Haven’t heard of me, have ya ? the man said, his accent heavy on his lips. You obviously haven’t been here long, lass.

This gave Wendy pause – how long had she been in Neverland ? Hours, days, weeks ? She couldn’t even tell.

-          Killian Jones, yours truly, the man said, his grin widening. But most people have taken to calling me “Hook”.

-          I heard your name, before.

-          And yet, I haven’t heard yours.

-          Wendy, the girl said hesitantly. Wendy Darling.

Hook smiled again, and took a few steps towards Wendy. He extended his hand, and she took it. The man dropped a kiss on it, and said :

-          Well, Wendy Darling. Pleased to meet you. I didn’t believe until I saw it – a girl, in Neverland. That’s a first.

-          Everybody keeps saying that.

-          That’s because it’s true, lassie, Hook continued. Tell me, how exactly does _Pan_ feel about you being here ?

-          You know Peter ?

Hook laughed :

-          Who doesn’t ? We have… history.

-          What kind of history ?

-          Maybe I could take you back to my ship and delight you with it.

Wendy’s eyes widened :

-          The ship ? she said. It’s yours ?

-          The _Jolly Roger,_ darling, he said, his eyes traveling towards the ship’s form in the distance. Fancy a tour ?

-          Get away from her.

Neither Wendy nor Hook needed to look to recognize the voice – it was Peter. He looked nonchalant enough, but there was a clear threat in his eyes while he looked at Hook. The pirate smiled :

-          Pan ! he said. Just the man – excuse me, boy – I was looking for.

-          Looking for me, you say ? Peter said. Sounds like you were trying to take one of _mine_ on your ship.

-          Just being welcoming.

-          Maybe you’d like to welcome my knife in your stomach, next time.

Wendy gasped. Hook’s smile was still in place, but his eyes had grown serious.

-          I have business with you, Hook said.

-          I know. Wait here, Peter added, looking at Wendy.

Without any more ceremony, he gestured to Hook, and the man approached him. Standing close together, in hushed voices, they started speaking while Wendy looked on, a little annoyed at having to stand there. But she was curious, and she tried to hear, but couldn’t. Soon enough, Hook nodded and walked back towards her, while Peter looked on, his arms crossed over his chest. Hook bowed slightly in front of Wendy, his charming smile back in place :

-          Miss Darling, he said. You’re welcome anytime on my ship.

-          Thank you.

Hook threw one last look at Pan, before disappearing into the trees, finding his way back to his ship. Wendy watched him go, biting her lip thoughtfully, intrigued and excited : a pirate. She had read so much about them, about their adventures, and she had just met one. She wondered how the others were like…

She was pulled away from her thoughts by Peter’s grip on her arm. She turned to him, surprised, and met his eyes. He looked angry. Frustrated.

-          Don’t ever talk to him again, he said harshly, before moving to walk away.

Wendy stared at him, flustered, irritated at the notion that he could tell her what to do.

-          Why ? she called after him. Peter !

But Peter didn’t answer. He just flew away, leaving her alone on the beach, confused and curious.

 

Felix refused to say anything about it, just telling her to stay away from Hook if Pan told her to. She was outraged at the idea, outraged by the fact that everyone just did whatever Peter Pan told them to.

As the afternoon slowly faded into the sky, and a fire was lit to prepare for the evening, Pan was sitting with the others, grinning and laughing. Wendy sat away from them, on a log, her back turned to them, deep in thought – sometimes, when she was alone, she found herself thinking of her family, her brothers, but it was as though something always chased the thoughts away.

How long had she been in Neverland ? She tried to count the days, but found it impossible. It was as though the laws of time didn’t apply here. There was a haze surrounding the very concept of time.

She felt someone sit beside her and she sighed, keeping her eyes on the ground, gritting her teeth :

-          I’m not coming to sit with the others, Felix, she said. I told you – I’m angry at him, and I’m staying right where I am…

A soft laugh made her look up and she flushed immediately – it was Pan. He was sitting next to her, straddling the log, and he looked highly entertained.

-          Angry ? he said. And why, exactly ?

Wendy shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, but she didn’t back down.

-          Because of you, she said. I don’t like the way you treat me.

-          And how should I treat you ? he asked in a low voice, watching her face closely.

-          You could be… nicer.

This got a hearty laugh from Pan, who threw his head back.

-          I’m not nice, he said.

-          What do you have against Hook ?

-          I have nothing against him. I rather like him, as a matter of fact. He makes things more fun.

-          Then why…

-          Because that’s the way it is, Pan cut her off. It’s a game, you see.

-          A game ?

-          Yes. And he wanted to see if you could be a pawn. To use you against me, if he could.

This time, it was Wendy’s turn to laugh.

-          Me ? she said. Please. I’m the last person he could use against you.

-          Is that so ? Why ?

-          Because you don’t like me.

Peter gave her an odd look :

-          You think so ? he asked quietly.

-          Well, if you must know, yes.

-          You’re wrong, then.

Wendy blinked, her eyes watching Peter’s face – he seemed sincere, but if his behavior was proof of appreciation, what on earth did he do to those he didn’t like ? He chuckled when he saw the obvious disbelief on her face.

-          You don’t believe me, he stated.

-          I really don’t.

-          Come on, Peter said, standing up. Let’s play a game.

-          Now ?

-          Yes.

Peter extended his hand to Wendy, who hesitated, biting her lip. He was grinning youthfully – if there was something she knew about him so far, it’s that he liked games. He liked playing. He always wanted to have fun.

She took his hand, and he drew her into the forest, only letting go of it when he came to a stop. He leaned forward, facing her, and whispered :

-          Go hide. I’ll find you.

Wendy didn’t wait for him to say it twice. Quickly, she ran from his sight, and moved through the bushes and trees, until she found a big tree. She curled up behind it, hiding as well as she could.

-          Found you.

He was here in seconds – after all, he could fly, couldn’t he ? Still, he looked very satisfied with himself, and he seized Wendy’s hands to pull her up to her feet.

-          My turn ? Wendy asked.

-          You’d lose. I’m too fast for you.

Wendy was about to protest when she noticed, above their heads, a glimmer of light in the leaves. There was something shining up there, something colorful – she widened her eyes in awe.

-          What’s that ? she whispered.

Peter grinned, leaning closer to her to whisper in her ear :

-          Fairies, he said. They live in this tree.

-          Fairies ? Wendy repeated with wonder. Oh…

She held her breath, leaning her hands against the tree to look up to the leaves, holding back squeals every time she saw pixie dust fly through the air. Peter stood behind her, his gaze fixated on her face – but she took no notice of it. Suddenly, she felt him move – she turned and he was gone.

-          Peter ? she whispered, looking around as the night fell around her. Peter ?

His feet landed on the ground beside her, and she gasped, bringing a hand to her heart.

-          Peter, she said. You scared me – what are you…

Then, she noticed his hands were closed – and something was shining inside them. Her eyes widened and she gaped as Peter smiled, opening his hands a little, letting her see inside.

He had a caught a fairy – she was surrounded by purple light, and her wings were batting away. She didn’t seem very happy to have been caught, but Wendy was too busy admiring her, her heart pounding.

-          She’s beautiful, she breathed out, putting her hands on Peter’s wrist, leaning forward to take a closer look at the fairy.

She didn’t see Peter’s expression shift slightly, nor did she noticed the slight draft of wind – she was completely ecstatic. It was a fairy – a real fairy ! Fairies, pirates, mermaids – oh, she couldn’t wait to tell John and Michael…

Her smile faded and she froze, as she heard the first cry of the night ring out. Her hands fell to her side, and Peter stopped smiling, his hands parting to let the fairy escape back to the tree.

-          What’s wrong ? he asked.

-          The cries, she whispered. Can’t you hear them – it’s every night. Every time night falls, it’s…

The familiar feeling washed over her, and she slid down the tree, sitting on the ground helplessly. Her parents, her brothers – Baelfire… her face contorted in pain, and tears appeared in her eyes…

-          _No_.

She looked up, teary-eyed, to see Peter kneel down in front of her. He grabbed her shoulders and shook his head.

-          No. Don’t cry. You can’t cry. Stop. 

\-          I can't, Wendy said softly. I – I want my parents… I want my mother… my brothers – oh, Peter, my brothers…

-          You don’t need them. Forget them - forget them all… your family’s here now, in Neverland.

-          No, it’s not… they’re crying, they’re all crying…

Peter put his hands on each side of her face, covering her ears. Wendy looked at him, wide-eyed. He shook his head again, as if he couldn’t bear to see her upset.

-          You don’t hear them, he whispered, cupping her face. You want to _stay_ in Neverland. Where you can always, always have fun.

-          Life can’t always be fun and games, Peter, Wendy murmured.

-          Why not ?

-          Because it can’t. Eventually, you have to…

His hands moved, and he pressed a finger to her lips, his eyes widening.

-          _No_ , he said. Don’t say it. Those words are forbidden here. Neverland doesn’t know time – you can remain young and free. _Forever_.

-          But I don't want to stay here forever. 

-          _Yes, you do_.

The cries were dying down, like they did every night – but Wendy was left with a hole in her heart, and tears in her eyes. Her eyes never left Peter’s.

-          Don’t cry, he repeated, his voice hushed. I forbid it.

-          You can’t forbid me to _feel_.

-          Why would you _want_ to feel something that hurts you ?

-          I… I don’t know. That’s the way it’s supposed to be.

-          Not here.

Wendy sniffled, and Peter ran his hand on the side of her head, caressing her hair – the gentle gesture left her stunned. She stared at him in confusion, and he pulled his hand away quickly, catching himself. 

-          Don’t cry, he said one more time, before disappearing again, flying away into the night sky. 

Wendy didn't stop crying until long after he was gone. 


	3. Of flying and small victories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is ready to go back to Neverland. Wendy isn't.

_Storybrooke, present day_

Wendy didn’t tell her brothers about her encounter with Pan. She didn’t want to scare them, but she had a feeling that John knew, while Michael remained blissfully ignorant. She didn’t see Pan again, and she did her best to push him from her thoughts – to move on.

Like everyone in town – it was hard to reconcile who they were with who they had been under the curse. They were both and none at the same time – the curse had all changed them, but it had also pulled them away from loved ones. In the case of the Darlings, they had been, once again, frozen in time. Older than their bodies, they found themselves more lost than ever.

But they were together. They were free, at last, and Wendy would fight with every fiber of her being for them to remain that way.

That afternoon, she had tea with Aurelia – whose real name turned out to be Goldie Locks. The girl she had read about in fairy tales had grown to be her best friend, and the two girls rediscovered each other, delighting in stories, laughing over a cup of tea at Granny’s.

-          I can’t believe you’re Wendy Darling, from the stories, Goldie said. That's just crazy ! 

-          And you, apparently, ended up living with bears ! 

-          Please, that’s just a fairy tale. The story is quite different. They weren’t bears – they were cursed to be bears. It’s actually a really good story…

Wendy’s good mood and happy spirits didn’t last long. She looked out the window, and spotted a familiar silhouette, lurking in front of the diner. Her shoulders tensing and her heart beating faster, she excused herself from her friend, and ran outside, pulling her jacket closer over her chest.

-          You’re back.

Felix never had seemed like he quite fit in Storybrooke, and Wendy now knew why. He wasn’t supposed to be here – he hadn’t been cursed. Even now that she remembered who he was, Wendy felt as though he didn’t belong. And yet, there was an odd sort of comfort at seeing him now. He'd never scared her as much as Peter had. 

-          I have a message for you, he said, his tone direct.

-          He couldn’t give it to me himself? Is he that afraid to come out of his little cabin?

-          Don’t question him.

-          Let me guess, Wendy said. You found a way home – and he wants to take us with him.

Felix nodded, and Wendy closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead. She looked away, huffing, and shook her head fervently.

-          Well, you can tell him to _go to hell,_ she said ferociously. 

-          Tell him yourself, tonight.

-          We are not going back. We’re not. Please, Felix …

Wendy took a step towards the boy, grabbing the sleeve of his jacket – he pulled away, looking at her warily.

-          You were my friend, she begged quietly. Once, you were my friend, I know you were. Even during the curse – you did all you could to keep me away from him…

-          I did that for _him_ , not for you.

-          You care about me. I know you do – you told me as much. Please, Felix – just tell me _how_. He has to have a _weakness_ – he must have…

Felix gave Wendy a disbelieving look. He looked almost angry at her. 

-          After all this time… he spat out. _You still don’t know_ ?

_Neverland, long ago_

Wendy wanted to learn to fly.

She had been in Neverland for a while – she didn’t know how long – but she was sick of seeing the others fly, while she couldn’t.

-          You said you’d teach me, she told Felix, sitting next to him on a rock by the beach.

Ever since that time by the pixie tree, Wendy had seen even less of Pan than usual – the details of that night were blurry to her. Morning always seemed to erase the nights, but she remembered his smiles, the way he’d caught a pixie for her – the way he’d… comforted her, perhaps ?

They’d had fun. And he didn’t dislike her – but she still didn’t know what to make of him. She found herself thinking of him more than she wanted to, often picturing his smirk, his eyes, his hands… and then almost blushing for it. It was the first sign of a deeper feeling, one she was only starting to recognize. 

Felix was different. While he could be commanding when he wanted to, he was quieter than Pan, and never unkind with her. He smiled at her, sometimes, and while he rarely sought her out, he never complained to be in her company.

-          I said “perhaps”, Felix corrected her.

Around them, on the beach, boys were playing, some of them going into the water, despite Felix’s warning against the mermaids. Wendy pouted at Felix’s answer.

-          Please ! Everyone knows how to fly in Neverland, all but me…

-          The pirates don’t.

-          I mean, everyone _here_.

From the corner of her eye, Wendy noticed Peter descending from the sky. Cries erupted all around him as the boys greeted him, and he grinned, never once throwing Wendy a glance. The girl fought back a sigh, turning her attention back to Felix.

-          Please ? I really want to learn, she said. I’ll do anything you ask me to.

This drew a low, soft chuckle from Felix. 

-          What could I possibly ask of you ? he asked, turning his head to face Wendy at last. 

-          I don’t know, Wendy said lightly. You’ll come up with something !

Felix rolled his eyes, but from the little smile appearing on his lips, Wendy knew she had won. Stopping herself from looking too triumphant, she waited. Felix finally sighed, shaking his head :

-          Fine, he said. I'll teach you.

-          Thank you ! Wendy squealed. Thank you – can we start now ?

-          If you want.

Wendy wasn’t even deterred by the lack of enthusiasm on Felix’s face –she giggled at his sour air, standing up. Felix sighed, a chuckle escaping his lips as he got up when suddenly, he stopped moving – a hand had come to rest on his arm. He turned, straightening his shoulders at once. 

-          Now, Felix, Peter said with a grin. How chivalrous of you. But you don’t need to go through all this trouble. I’ll teach her.

Felix stared at Peter for a moment, but nodded, stepping aside to let Peter move towards Wendy. The girl stared, wide-eyed, words of protest lost on her lips as Peter grabbed her hand, leading her into the woods. Wendy stared at the back of his head all the while– why did _he_ want to teach her to fly ? Had the idea suddenly tickled his fancy ? Still, she followed him with a twinge of anticipation. 

-          Are you really going to teach me to fly ? she asked, unable to keep the excitement from her voice.

-          Of course I am.

-          Is it difficult to do ? Flying ?

-          Not for me, Peter said with a trace of smugness.

He stopped in a small clearing Wendy had never seen before – they were surrounded by colorful flowers, and the moss on the ground was a golden, bright color. Wendy looked around, enchanted, and found Peter smiling at her, watching her with an odd sort of fascination. He always did that – looking at her like she was a particularly interesting creature. And she guessed that she was just that, to him. He had said as much before. 

-          Neverland runs on belief, Peter said. If you believe enough, anything is possible here.

-          So I just… have to believe I can fly ? Wendy asked. Is this really going to work ?

-          If you have to ask, it’s not going to.

Wendy stared at Peter, and he laughed, taking a few steps towards her. He always seemed to stand so close to her – he was either up in her face or too far away. There was rarely any kind of middle ground with Pan.

-          You need to believe, Wendy, he whispered in her ear, leaning closer. Just believe.

-          Believe in what ?

-          _Me_.

Wendy looked into Peter’s eyes, and he smiled, one of his hands moving down to touch hers. She felt her heart skip a beat at his closeness, at his sudden touch. When he leaned to speak, his forehead was almost touching hers.

-          You need faith. Trust. And…

He brought his other hand, a closed fist, close to her face, and opened it. Wendy gasped at the sight of a familiar, sparkly powder. Peter smiled at her delight, the light of the dust reflecting in his eyes.

-          And a little bit of pixie dust.

Slowly, he blew on his hand, and the dust reached Wendy, making the young girl shiver. Peter looked on in satisfaction, his eyes never leaving hers, as she smiled, feeling the magical dust spread all over her body.

-          _Believe_ , Wendy.

 _Believe_.

Believe in Pan.

In that moment, that was exactly what Wendy did. It felt natural and easy.

She didn’t realize it, at first, because she was smiling at Peter, and he was smiling back. But soon, he cocked an eyebrow and glanced down. She did the same and gasped, realizing that she was hovering a few feet from the ground. She let out a breathless, elated laugh.

-          I’m doing it, she breathed out.

-          You certainly are. You’re a fast learner.

Wendy giggled, and moved her arms around to go higher. Peter laughed, throwing his head back.

-          Are you trying to flap your wings ? he asked, highly amused. Do you think you're a bird ? 

-          What ? Wendy asked, offended. _No_ ! 

-          Little Wendy-bird, he said, his eyes twinkling.

\-          Stop it ! 

-         But it suits you. _Wendy-bird_. How odd you are.

-          And you’re not odd ? Wendy shot back. 

Her comment made Peter grin broadly. 

-          Me ? I’m not odd. I’m _unique_.

-          That, you are, Wendy said, raising her eyebrows. Oh, gosh…

She took a glance down – she was much, much higher than she expected and this time, there was no Shadow to hold her hand and make sure she wouldn’t fall. She let out a little yelp, suddenly feeling herself fall, when she felt an arm slip around her waist – Pan had caught her.

-          You have to believe, Wendy, he said. If you don’t, you fall. That’s how it works.

-          I didn’t mean … thank you.

-          You know, I keep saving you, Peter said with a chuckle, his arm still around her waist. Mermaids, Hook, falling… where’s my well-deserved gratitude ?

-          I’m sorry, Wendy said. I just… you’re…

How could she explain to him that most of the time, she was in a constant state of disorientation around him ? That she could never figure him out, frustratingly so ? She never knew what he thought, where he stood, and as a result, she had no idea of how to act around him. 

\-          Confusing, she finished. 

 Pan laughed : 

-          Isn’t that what makes me so much fun ?

Wendy let out a chuckle, shaking her head.

-          You’re impossible, she said.

-          Thank you.

-          Who said it was a compliment ?

-          There you go again, Peter said. Ungrateful little girl.

-          I’m sorry ! Wendy said, smiling sheepishly. I’m sorry – it just came out.

Peter let go of her, but Wendy had no trouble flying this time. He flew a little further away, and Wendy followed him with newfound ease. 

-          Maybe I should ask for retribution, Pan said lightly, putting his hands behind his head nonchalantly. For all the nice things I’ve done for you. Teaching you to fly – saving you from the mermaid, catching you, getting you away from Hook ...

-          Retribution? Wendy asked, biting her lip. What kind of retribution?

-          I don’t know. Maybe you could do something for me. Or give me something.

-          I have nothing to give you.

-          Too bad, then. 

Peter flew back to Wendy, his grin back on his face. He took a hold of her hand again, and started flying away, dragging her with him.

In the sunlight, they flew together for what seemed like hours. Peter flew fast, doing somersaults, and Wendy followed, hesitantly at first, but she soon grew more confident. There was nothing else in the world like flying – it was exhilarating. Scary, but fun, exciting, dangerous, freeing. She never wanted to come down again.

Peter grabbed her hand again, and spun her around, as though they were dancing. Wendy laughed joyfully.

-          You’re a good little flier, Peter commented.

-          Thank you. Oh, Peter, look !

Excitedly, Wendy grabbed Peter’s arm with both hands, almost jumping up and down. Peter rolled his eyes with a chuckle.

-          It’s just a bird, Wendy.

-          It’s so beautiful. It’s so colorful – I’ve never seen one like it !

She smiled, then sighed, running a hand through her hair – her braid was all undone from flying.

-          Are you tired, Wendy-bird ? Peter asked.

-          A bit, she admitted. I’m not used to flying.

-          Come here.

Wendy almost backed away, but didn’t. Peter put an arm around her waist, then one underneath her knees – instinctively, her arms locked around his neck as he lifted her up.

-          You don’t have to…

-          Shush, Peter said. I never have to do anything – I only do what I want.

Wendy bit her lip, and Peter grinned, carrying her as he flew – he flew back over the whole island, and she held on to him, trying to slow the fast beating of her heart. He smelled of pine trees and salt, and his embrace was warm, strong, almost too tight, but Wendy didn't mind. Sometimes, she'd look up to glance at his face - his eyes were on the horizon and, in the radiance of the Neverland skies, under the wind, she found him absolutely breathtaking. It was hard to believe he was human, and not sculpted from marble. The sun was glowing pink in the sky when he came to a stop, over some trees – Wendy thought she recognized the place where she had seen the fairies.

Wendy sighed – she felt oddly content in Peter’s arms, serene, relaxed. Just as her eyes fluttered shut, she felt a little tremble beneath her, and looked down : Pan’s feet had touched the ground. They’d been descending back to the ground without her realizing it. Her own feet touched the grass as Peter set her down gently. She gave him a smile, and he smiled back for a moment, before his grin faded.

-          Did you feel that ? he whispered, looking around in agitation.

-          What ?

-          The wind, he murmured. It was cold.

He looked around, agitated, wary. Wendy, confused, tilted her head.

-          I didn’t feel anything, she said. Peter, are you all right ?

-          Yes, he said firmly. I’m all right.

And then, with no warning, he flew away into the night.

-          Peter ! Wendy called after him, wounded despite herself. Peter !

Night descended upon Neverland, but Wendy didn’t sleep. She ran through the island, feeling lost and alone, the cries around her wounding her like arrows, mixing with the sound of her own tears. Wendy found her way back to camp as night fell around her. There were cries all around, as usual and this night, it hit her harder than usual, and she collapsed on the ground underneath a tree, curling up, hugging her knees as she sobbed in the dark. Every night, the pain was deeper, and it became harder to forget in the morning. That night, there was no escaping from it. It hurt every fiber of her being, and the sting Peter had caused her only fueled the loss she felt when she missed her family.

-          Wendy.

A gentle familiar voice rung out – she didn’t need to look up. It was Felix, and she could sense the concern in his voice. She looked up, her eyes red and her cheeks wet with tears.  He had never seen her cry this hard before. Her pain was raw, and it spread through her whole body, hurting like an open wound.

-          I want to go home, she choked out. I want to go home – please.

-          Wendy, Felix said, crouching down in front of her. You can’t. Nobody leaves Neverland. Not unless Pan says so.

-          I don’t _care_ what Pan says, Wendy said. I want to go home. I want my parents. I want my brothers. Please, please, Felix – you’re the only one who can help me.

She begged softly and tried to reach out to touch his hand. Felix’s eyes widened slightly at the assertion, but his expression remained unreadable, and he drew his hand back. 

-          I can’t help you, he said. Nobody can.

-          Please, Wendy begged. I want to leave – I want to go home… help me, Felix, please, help me…

-          Wendy…

-          I’ll die if I stay here, she sobbed.

-          You won’t.

-          I will, Wendy said, wiping her cheeks, lifting her trembling chin. I can’t stay here. If he won’t let me go, I’ll go back to the lagoon. I’ll let that mermaid drown me.

The utter panic on Felix’s face was obvious for a second before he composed himself.

-          You won’t, he said firmly. He’ll stop you and then – he’ll punish you for trying.

-          I don’t care – I don’t _care_. I hate this – I hate forgetting during the day. I want my family, I don’t want to forget them – and he makes me want to, and I hate him…

-          That’s what he does.

-          It’s unfair ! Wendy said, her voice rising and breaking. It’s not fair – he can’t… he can’t…

She broke down into sobs, burying her face against her knees. After a moment, she felt a hand tentatively touch her shoulder, but the touch wasn’t enough to comfort. Pan had forbidden her to cry, she remembered it now – but if she wanted to cry, she _would_.

She felt Felix sit beside her, uneasy but quietly comforting, and she curled up closer to him, her head resting on the ground against his knees.

When sunlight hit, the pain was still there – it was taking longer to evaporate. She felt the light of the day on her face as she began to stir – but something soon blocked the light. Wendy frowned, shifting a little – she realized, as she opened her eyes, that her head was resting against Felix’s thigh, while the sleeping boy leaned against a tree. Wendy yawned, sitting up. Her movement woke Felix up, and he stilled a bit when he realized how close he had slept to Wendy. She gave him a sheepish grin, and he smiled a little, still a little dazed from sleep.

-          Nice dreams ?

Pan was standing a few feet from there, his arms crossed, a dangerous smirk on his face – the memory of the previous day came rushing back to Wendy. The flying, the fun… The way he’d run away after it, as though he’d suddenly wanted nothing to do with her. The memory burnt like shame on her heart. But he looked the same as ever, dangerously playful, his eyes looking from Wendy to Felix.

-          Come on, _Felix_ , Peter said, drawing out the boy's name, motioning towards him with his chin. We have business to attend to. Adventure awaits ! 

Felix stood up, nodding. He gave Wendy a quick, unreadable glance, before walking towards Peter. Pan didn’t even look at Wendy before leaving.

They disappeared for much longer than Wendy had ever seen Pan disappear. He would test Felix that day, and the day after, while they traveled together to seek out the answers Pan wanted. Wanted to see how far Felix would go for him.

Felix passed the test. Pan never doubted his loyalty again.

Felix's scar would always serve as a reminder. 

  _Storybrooke, present day_

At night, Wendy begged her brothers to let her sleep alone in her room, claiming she missed the intimacy. She thought John suspected something, but Wendy could be quite commanding when she wanted to. She shut her bedroom window tightly, even if she knew that it wouldn’t stop Pan – but at least, he’d take her only, not them.

And, just like clockwork, at midnight, she opened her eyes and he was there. She didn’t know how he had gotten in – he simply had. He stood there, his face masked in shadow, waiting.

-          I told you I’d be back, he said.

Wendy sat up in her bed, her eyes watching him in the dark. He was different – different from the times in Neverland. The real world wasn’t made for him – he belonged on the timeless island. That’s why he needed to go back. She knew it. The dark glow of the night made him look paler, almost ghost-like. As always, he was angelically beautiful, but his dark eyes, deeply intimating, intense, were those of a demon. 

-          I’m not going, Wendy said. We’re not going. You can’t make us, Peter.

-          The Shadow can drag you.

-          But that’s how you’re getting back, isn’t it ? Wendy retorted. It can’t carry us all. And I won’t go.

-          I’ll make you, Peter said. If not now, then soon. You can’t escape me. I’ll find you.

-          Why do you care so much if we go with you ? Wendy asked, her voice desperate. Just leave us be – aren’t you tired of this already ?

-          I never get tired of playing, he said with a wicked grin. 

-          I don’t want to play, Peter ! Wendy said harshly. And I’m not leaving. You can’t make me. You’re not strong enough.

-          Not _yet_.

He took a step towards her bed, and she stood quickly – she hadn’t even gotten underneath the covers. She’d been waiting for him to come. He was soon right in front of her, tall and proud as usual. Wendy stepped back, her back colliding against the wall – he smirked and followed her, placing his hands on each side of her head, hovering over her.

-          You know, he muttered, you could be nicer to me. It’s your fault we ended up here in the first place. I killed others for less.

-          It’s not my fault, Wendy hissed. You’re the one who just wouldn’t let us _go_.

-          So fiery, Peter said with a dry laugh. I always liked that about you – but sometimes, it can be _very_ , very annoying.

Wendy took a sharp breath as Peter leaned in, closer to her face – it wasn’t the first time he’d done it, as Peter or as James – but Wendy was torn between fear and that familiar feeling of attraction she’d come to feel for James. Her cheeks flushed, and she had to look away for a second. Pan immediatly noticed, as indicated by the sudden widening of his eyes, and the very satisfied smirk that appeared on his face. Wendy had never hated him more.

-          _Oooooh_ , he whispered, trying to catch her eyes while she did her best to look away from him. _Interesting_. A little flustered, aren’t we ?

-          _Shut up,_ Wendy retorted angrily. Leave me alone.

-          Do you really want me to leave you alone ?

-          Yes.

-          Mmm, Peter hummed softly, his breath hot against the skin of her cheek. I think you're lying, _Wendy-bird._

She glanced up at him, her cheeks red, her heart pounding – she caught his gaze, dark and intense, drop to her mouth. He licked his lips, and Wendy pushed him away, her hands on his chest.

-          _No_ , she said forcefully. Don’t. Don’t you dare use… don’t you dare use this against me…

A few feet from her, Peter, a little breathless, let out a chuckle and crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow :

-          Use _what_ , exactly ? he asked. 

-          You know what, Wendy answered, ashamed, furious.

She was humiliated, she was angry, and he was still smirking, as though the situation was nothing more than part of a very entertaining game. 

-          What ? he taunted her, arrogant, mocking. The fact that you kissed me before ? Willingly ?

She said nothing, glaring at him, too agitated to talk back. His grin widened, and he continued, his voice lowering dangerously :

\-         That I saw you naked ?

She flushed even more as his eyes roamed over her body, purposefully - he was trying to make her uncomfortable, and she hated to admit how much it was working. He approached her once again, and she roughtly tried to push him. Laughter in his eyes, he seized her wrists and leaned forward : 

\-         Or that I made you _moan_ ? That I made you whimper, helpless, powerless, because of how much _you wanted me_ ? 

Wendy gaped at him, and shook her wrists from his grip in resentment. She’d never thought she’d hear words like that coming out of Peter Pan’s mouth – he who seemed to run away from everything adult. But he was playing, of course – trying to frustrate her, toying with her emotions. She wouldn’t have it. She wouldn’t let him.

-          If I recall well, she shot back, lifting her chin, I’m not the only one who was affected. _You_ wanted _me_.

She expected him to deny it, to laugh, to get angry, but he didn't. Peter licked his lips, his grin fading only slightly. 

-          I did, he said simply.

The admission surprised Wendy, but it only angered her more – what kind of game was he playing at ? What was he trying to do, to say ? What did he expect from her ? 

-          Don’t pretend it meant anything to you, she hissed.

-          It _didn’t_.

-          Then don’t use it against me, she snapped. That’s low, even for you. If you use it against me, I’ll use it against you.

-          I’d love to see that.

-          Trust me, you _don’t_.

Peter smiled again, his voice low and his eyes twinkling :

-          Are you trying to scare me ? he said, sounding amused.

-          Just go, Wendy said firmly. I’m not coming with you. And I know – I know you’ll be back. I don’t care. Because I’m not coming with you tonight, Peter – I don’t want to. So, I’m going back to bed. You can leave the same way you came. Goodbye. 

Peter looked at her thoughtfully, but Wendy ignored him purposefully. This was the way Peter worked – he could never be defeated, but small victories could happen, and Wendy was determined to have hers tonight. She got into her bed, under the covers – without waiting for a word from him, she turned down the light and lied on her back, staring at the ceiling in the dark. For a minute, she feared she had gone too far, turning her back on Pan. She closed her eyes, bracing herself, but nothing came. She was about to breathe out in relief, when suddenly, she felt something on her bed, and felt Pan’s breath on her face as he hovered above her.

-          Next time, he murmured, I’ll be back, and you’ll come with me. Nobody leaves Neverland without my permission. Not even you. 

Wendy didn’t open her eyes, swallowing. She thought she felt the brush of lips against her forehead, but when she opened her eyes and sat up, the window was opened and Peter was already gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again with the accidental Felix/Wendy. No stupid love triangle I promise. (but seriously how much fun is this)


	4. Of pirates and bargains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pan comes back for Wendy, once more.

_Neverland, long ago_

Peter and Felix had just left in the morning and without them around, Wendy felt oddly… restless. She missed Felix, whose company she had grown accustomed to, and couldn’t stop thinking about Peter and his odd behavior from the previous day. His closeness, his smile, his sudden departure – none of it made sense to her.

That night was the hardest for her. She slept alone on the beach, and the light of the morning was greyer, paler than usual when it woke her.

Wendy awoke with red eyes, and an ache in her heart – the loneliness of night clung to her. She shivered despite the warm air, and rose to her feet, stumbling, rubbing her face with trembling fingers.

It was then that she realized she wasn’t on the beach anymore. She looked down at the wood beneath her feet and gasped – she wasn’t on the island. She was on a ship.

-          Good morning, lass.

Wendy jumped, gasping – it was Hook. Behind him, the girl could see his crew moving around on deck – none of them seemed to pay much attention to her, but they were definitely aware of her presence. Wendy took a step back, recalling Peter’s warning about the pirate. Hook seemed amused.

-          Didn’t mean to spook you, love, he said, bowing slightly.

-          What do you want ?

-          You can breathe, you’re not a prisoner, Hook said. We saw you sleeping on the shore – we’re lucky we spotted you. Mermaids were gathering around you – they looked murderous.

-          Oh.

-          Wonder what you did to them, Hook said, raising an eyebrow. They’re not usually this aggressive.

-          Well, thank you, Wendy said hesitantly, not sure if she should believe the man or not.

-          You’re welcome, Hook answered with a charming grin.

-          So… you’ll return me to shore ?

-          Of course. But since you’re here, I thought you and I could have a little chat.

Wendy narrowed her eyes in suspicion, but Hook never lost his smile.

-          A chat about what ? she asked.

Hook motioned to her and, hesitantly, she followed him to the higher level, by the wheel of the ship. Wendy looked around – from there, she could see the shore of the island : thee trees, the sand, the flowers… It looked beautiful.

-          I was wondering, Hook said, leaning on the wheel, his experimented hands guiding the ship nonchalantly, how you found Neverland so far.

-          Oh, Wendy said, a little surprised. Well… I like it.

-          You don’t miss home ?

-          I…

Hook’s eyes had become serious, but Wendy was confused, her brow furrowed in thought. Did she miss home ? It didn’t feel like she did. She didn’t think about it much during the day. A flash of the pain she felt at night came rushing to her, and suddenly, she felt wrong, so very wrong – why didn’t she miss her family ? Why wasn’t she plagued by thoughts of them ? Was she such a heartless girl ?

-          I don’t know, she said in a small voice. I don’t – I don’t think about it much.

-          Nobody here does, Hook said. But you have a family here, now, don’t you ? The Lost Boys…

-          I… I guess…

-          And Pan.

At the mention of Pan, Wendy’s lips twisted into a humorless smile. She wasn’t looking at Hook, or she would have noticed the predator glint in his eye – he was getting her exactly where he wanted her.

-          I’ll take from that you and Pan hardly get along, the pirate said, watching the young girl’s face closely.

-          I don’t know, Wendy confessed. I – sometimes, I think he likes me. But he’s… he’s a peculiar boy.

-          Indeed, Hook said with a laugh. Peculiar is the word.

-          Why are you asking me all this ?

-          Just curious, love.

-          Are you sure that’s all there is ?

Wendy didn’t miss the appreciative look in the pirate’s eyes. She was smarter than he’d given her credit for. He smiled, and said :

-          I guess I’m… concerned, if you will. I don’t like seeing clever, strong women kept in a cage, as young as they may be.

This was the first time anyone had ever called Wendy a woman. Somewhere inside of her, she got a little thrill from it.

-          What makes you think I’m in a cage ? she asked.

-          Love, that’s what Neverland is, he said. Nobody leaves without Pan’s permission. He considers everything here _his_.

-          Even you ?

Hook’s lips twisted into a dark smile.

-          Pan had a good hand into making me who I am today, he said. Although I wouldn’t give him all the credit. I’ll leave, eventually, when I’m ready – I’ll work a deal with Pan. But I was never one of his little crew. He won’t give you the same chance.

Wendy glanced up at Hook thoughtfully. There was something about him – a charm that was very different from Peter’s. He knew exactly what to say, whereas Peter only said the wrong things, managing to irritate her and upset her more often than not. The pirate  seized one of her hands and kissed it chastely :

-          Just a little food for thought, he said with a wink, letting go of her quickly.

Hook kept his word : he brought Wendy back to shore in a little boat, bowing to her as a goodbye, leaving her in the sand. Wendy watched him go thoughtfully for a moment, then ran back to camp.

The boys were playing, and Pan was there – he was back. Felix sat with him, his back to Wendy, but when Wendy arrived, Pan immediately looked up from the spot he was sitting on. Boys clapped and smiled at Wendy as she returned, but Peter only stood up, putting his hands on his hips, a dangerous grin on his face.  

He watched for a moment as Wendy greeted the boys, a muted smile on her lips, before speaking :

-          Well, look who it is, he said darkly. If it isn’t our little _pirate_.

Wendy looked up, her eyes narrowing at his tone – the boys around her gasped.

-          What are you talking about ? Wendy asked, crossing her arms, raising her eyebrows.

-          You spent the night on _Hook’s ship_ , Peter spat out.

-          So what if I did ? Wendy shot back defiantly.

-          I told you to never to speak to him again, Pan said, taking a few steps towards her.

-          He was being _nice_ , Wendy said, standing her ground as Peter’s dark gaze bore into hers. And very _charming_ , which is more than I can say for some people.

Peter’s jaw clenched and his lips formed a thin line. It was as though he was ready to shake with anger. Around them, the lost boys didn’t say a word, standing in a mute circle in the clearing.

-          You disobeyed me, Peter said in a low voice.

-          Maybe it’s time somebody did.

Felix’s words rung out in Wendy’s head. _Don’t cross Pan. Don’t challenge him_. She tried to catch her friend’s eyes, but he wasn’t looking at her.

Peter’s lips twisted into a humorless smile, and his eyes lit up with a dark glint. Wendy regretted her words immediately, realizing how foolish she was, but she didn’t take them back. Peter laughed, throwing his head back, then suddenly, Wendy felt herself being yanked backwards. Vines had sprung from a nearby tree, drawing her towards it, wrapping around her waist and shoulders, tying her in place.

-          Peter ! she screamed. No !

-          You’re going to stay right here, Pan said. As for the rest of us ? We’re going to go have a little fun with the pirates. What do you say, boys ?

A chorus of enthusiasm answered him. While some boys threw regretful glances in the girl’s direction, their loyalty was Pan’s, and Wendy’s eyes widened in horror as she fully realized it at last.

Hook was right – Pan wanted to be obeyed, respected, feared. He ruled the island as he pleased, and he considered the Lost Boys as his subjects. They were his. And somehow, he’d come to see her as his too – that was why he didn’t want her befriending Hook.

And she had no way of fighting him. Everything on the island, everyone answered to him. He would win. He would always win, in Neverland.

-          No ! Wendy yelled. No, Peter, no !

-          Save your breath, Wendy-bird, Peter said, smiling smugly. I do what I want. Neverland is my land, and you’re not going to tell me what to do.

Wendy threw a desperate glance at Felix. His face was masked by his hood, but he seemed completely stoic. His indifference stung, and rendered Wendy confused, hurt.

-          Let me go ! she said, twisting to fight against her bounds, her eyes returning to Pan’s triumphant face.

-          _No_.

-          I hate you ! Wendy shrieked, furious at feeling so helpless. I hate you so much, Peter Pan – _I want to go home_ !

Dead silence fell upon the clearing. It was as though the air itself had changed, as though everyone was holding their breath – never had such words been spoken in Neverland, by the light of day. Even Felix, who had remained indifferent to Wendy’s plight so far, stirred and looked at Pan. Every gaze went from Wendy to Peter, waiting for his reaction with apprehension.

Peter looked at Wendy for one long moment – his expression was closed off, unreadable. He said nothing. He stared and stared, his eyes ablaze with a fire Wendy couldn’t identify. Without breaking his gaze from hers, he said :

-          Come on, boys. Let’s _play_.

Wendy wanted to scream and fight, but Pan was already gone. After a few seconds, the other boys followed, and Wendy could only watch, breathless, struggling against her bounds helplessly.

That was the day Felix got his scar, while facing off the pirates. As a mark of his endless loyalty to Pan. From that day on, Pan never doubted it again.

When night fell, Peter, alone, came back to the clearing, descending from the sky in front of Wendy. With a wave of his hand, he pulled away the vines and Wendy ran from the tree, rubbing her wrists.

-          Where are the boys ? she asked immediately.  

-          They’re all right. Don’t fuss.

Wendy glared at him, her humiliation and anger still very much present. He was different, tonight – quieter, almost subdued. Before she could wonder why, she noticed he held something in his hand.

-          What’s that ? she asked.

Peter threw the white fabric at her carelessly.

-          Your nightgown, he said.

-          Why…

-          You’re getting your wish, he said coldly. You’re going home.

Wendy, her hands gripping the fabric of her nightgown, gaped at him in disbelief.

-          You… you’re letting me go ? she said, blinking.

Peter’s brow furrowed in irritation :

-          _Yes_ , he snapped. Happy ?

-          I… yes ! Yes – thank you, Peter…

Pan scoffed, his smirk cruel and his tone cutting :

-          I’m not doing it for you, he said. I’ve grown sick of you. I don’t want you here anymore.

-          You…

Wendy felt as though the air had been knocked out of her lungs. As much as she wanted to go home, especially in the darkness of the Neverland night, she hadn’t expected this.

-          Don’t look so surprised, Peter said coldly. You were never supposed to be here, anyway – that was an anomaly. Girls don’t belong in Neverland. The Shadow should have gotten me a boy. Instead, it brought _you_. Maybe it’s losing its touch.

-          Stop, Wendy replied in a weak voice. Why are you being so _mean_ to me ?

-          I _am_ mean, Peter declared, as though he prided himself on the matter. I’m a _mean boy._

-          Not always.

This seemed to anger Peter, for some reason. He glared at her, and took a step backwards, obviously agitated.

-          You know _nothing_ about me, he growled. Nothing.

-          Are you mad at me ? she asked. Because – because of what I said earlier ?

-          I’m not mad at you, Peter said, his tone icily indifferent. I don’t care what you do, I don’t care what you say. I just want you _gone_. You don’t belong here.

-          You’re lying, Wendy said forcefully. I _did_ belong ! But you can’t force people to stay – you can’t put us in a cage !

-          Us ?

-          Yes, us ! The others too – they cry every night, Peter ! They cry because they miss their parents !

Peter scoffed, rolling his eyes :

-          Parents, _parents_! he said, his tone mocking and cruel, as he threw his hands up in the air in an exasperated gesture. Is that all people care about ?

-          I love them, Wendy said. And my brothers.

-          Oh yes, your precious brothers, Peter said, his eyes narrowing, his mouth twisting into a sneer. If they’re so wonderful, maybe I’ll send the Shadow for them, next time. After all, why should you get all the fun ?

Wendy’s eyes widened in horror, and she shook her head. Pan’s smirk grew satisfied at her obvious distress, while she begged frantically :

-          No, she said, her voice rising. No, you can’t – you can’t have them. You can’t touch my brothers !

-          I _will_ if I want to.

-          No ! No, no, never ! You can never have them, Peter Pan !

-          Don’t tell me what to do, Peter hissed dangerously. You can’t tell me what to do !

-          Stop ! You awful, awful boy ! Stop doing this – acting like you can always do what you want…

-          _Oh_ , but I can.

-          No, you can’t. You’ll have to grow up someday, Peter !

-          _No_ !

Peter flew right in front of her, pressing his hand to her mouth to quiet her down.

-          I told you never to say those words !

Wendy’s fingers flew to Peter’s hand, pulling so he could free her lips :

-          But I’m right, she retorted quietly. You can’t always have things your way.

-          You’re _wrong_. I will always be who I am – I will always be a boy, and I will always rule Neverland. And I’m not going to let _you_ change that.

He drew his hand away from her face, as though the contact of her skin burned him. He turned his back on her, and she failed to see the tremble of his shoulders, or the true fear that shone in his eyes.

-          Get dressed, he said coldly. The Shadow will come for you. Goodbye, Wendy.

And, just like that, Wendy Darling left Neverland for the first time.

 

_Present day, Storybrooke_

Wendy had no doubt that Peter would be back – her small victory from the previous night didn’t do much to appease her. She didn’t burden her brothers with it – this was between Pan and her. Of course, John and Michael didn’t lack reason to hate him as well – he had given them plenty when they had come to Neverland with her, the second time, to look for Baelfire. But Wendy knew that this time, this was truly a personal matter between Pan and her. Whatever they had felt towards one another during the curse, Wendy figured Peter hated her for it. He had been vulnerable, he had shown her weakness – something Peter Pan prided himself on never doing.

He wouldn’t stop until he had gotten his revenge on her. She knew it.

But she was prepared, this time. She had a plan in mind, and she could only pray that he would take the bait, and that it would work.

When he came back, she expected it. She’d waited, almost every night, to see him appear.

He wore his Neverland clothes again. For the first time, Wendy truly saw Peter Pan in Storybrooke, and not the ghost of James Young. The boy stood at the edge of her window, while her brothers slept soundly in the other room. Gasping, Wendy saw the Black Shadow hovering behind him. She was afraid, but she refused to let it show. She knew Peter would only get too much satisfaction from it.

-          Hello, birdie.

The familiar greeting seemed to twist a knife in her heart. She moved slowly from her bed, standing up to face him, in her nightgown and robe. He set his feet on the floor of her bedroom, and crossed his arms, waiting.

-          Peter, she said, finding it difficult to even speak.

-          Missed me ?

She didn’t answer. Her silence made him laugh.

-          Are you ready ? he asked, a sadistic glint in his eye.

-          No, Wendy said. I want to play a game first.

Peter’s face lit up with surprised delight and he raised his eyebrows, impressed. Wendy prided herself for her idea. Pan had rarely been able to resist playing a game.

-          What’s the game ? he asked, cocking his head to the side.

-          Truth or dare.

At this, Pan looked even more pleased. He broke into a grin, and said :

-          Ooh, I like this. What a fun idea you’ve had, Wendy-bird.  

-          So you’ll play ?

-          Yes. I’ll play.

Wendy had trouble containing her nervousness, but she had to. Peter probably knew she had something in mind, but he couldn’t resist playing, not if it meant he had a chance at winning.

She intended to win, at least partly, tonight.

-          It’s your idea, so you’ll be the first to go, Peter said, smirking. Truth or dare, Wendy-bird ?

-          Truth, she started boldly.

She knew she had to play this carefully, and how risky it was. But she also knew Peter : he’d want to drag out the game, to get as much enjoyment as he could from it. She kept her eyes on his face as a grin appeared on his lips. He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms, a smug expression on his features. In his eyes shone a dark sort of fire.

-          Tell me how you’ve dreamt about me, he said. Since that day, in the cabin, in the woods. Tell me, Wendy-bird – _tell me._

It wasn’t like she hadn’t been prepared for mind games but his words made her shiver, and she clenched her jaw. How did he _know_ ? How did he know she’d been thinking about that afternoon, with an ache in her heart and below her waist, and disgust at herself in her mind ?

-          Come on, _birdie_ , he said, taunting her with the nickname. You’re the one who wanted to play.

She swallowed, glaring at him, and took a breath before answering :

-          I dreamt about it a few times, she said. Is that what you want to hear ?

-          What did you dream about ? I want to know, Peter said. I want to know what it was. How you felt. If it left you _aching_ in the morning.

He was toying with her, but she was determined not to show how much he was getting to her. He was right : it had been her idea to play.

-          I dreamt about you, she said, refusing to avoid his eyes. I dreamt about your… your hands. Your body. I dreamt that you were kissing me, and touching me. When I woke up, I was longing for it.

Peter bore a very satisfied grin on his face, and Wendy couldn’t resist the urge to wipe it away :

-          But then, I remembered who you were, and what you’d done. And I felt disgusted with myself for even thinking about it. I found myself hating you even more.

Her words, although daring, had the effect intended, because Peter’s smirk faded, leaving behind a dark expression. He stared at her, and she stared back.

-          Your turn, she said unflinchingly.

-          Dare, Peter almost spat out.

-          I dare you to send your Shadow back to Neverland, Wendy said with no hesitation. Face me alone.

Peter looked a little surprised, but he didn’t protest. In fact, he looked slightly impressed by her request. He simply looked at her, nodding, and snapped his fingers towards the Shadow.

-          Go back to Neverland, Peter said. I’ll call you back when I need you. The game is the game, he added with a wide grin.

Quickly, the Shadow was gone. Peter looked back at Wendy, crossing his arms again, leaning against the wall.

-          You’re playing a dangerous game, Wendy, he said. I hope you’re willing to play it both ways.

-          Dare, she said immediately. I pick dare.

Peter stared at her for a moment, then smirked. A sinking feeling settled in her stomach, but she refused to be intimidated or to let on her nervousness. Slowly, Peter straightened his back, put his fists on his waist, and leaned forward :

-          Kiss me, he said tauntingly, with a triumphant air. If you _dare_.

Wendy almost wanted to laugh. Really, did he think she’d be unsettled by this ? Surely, he was losing his touch. She had been prepared for this. Had been counting on it, even, hoping his past feelings for her would be enough for her to get him where she needed him. Without hesitation, she took a few steps towards him, and grabbed his face with both hands, pressing her lips to his.

His reaction was immediate, surprising. He growled against her mouth and wrapped his arms around her waist, his fingers tangling in the fabric of her robe. She pushed him against the wall, her body pressing against his – she told herself that she was doing what was needed, playing the game, but the kiss was lighting a fire in her that she hadn’t wanted to expect. But if she had ignited it, it was him that seemed to be ablaze : he was kissing her fervently, his lips moving against hers with force and need. He grabbed her waist tighter and pressed her against him, his hips almost ready to move against hers. Wendy’s hand moved to grab his hair, and she heard a low moan escape the back of his throat. She pulled away roughly, opening her eyes: he kept his closed, his head leaning against the wall, mouth half-open, breathless, a satisfied smile forming on his lips.

-          Your turn, she said as firmly as she could, trying to catch her breath.

He opened his eyes, lust still shining in his dark orbs. He licked his lips, his hands still holding on to her waist firmly, his thumbs caressing her sides.

-          Truth, he said.

Wendy fought the urge to scream in victory. _Yes_. This was it.

-          Who do you fear in Storybrooke ? 

The daze on Peter’s face disappeared in an instant : his eyes darkened, his smile disappeared, and he let go of Wendy, almost pushing her away.

-          You’re looking for trouble, birdie, he said quietly.

-          You agreed to play, Wendy said with no hesitation. You have to tell me.

Peter’s eye twitched, but he answered :

-          Fine. His name is Rumplestiltskin.

Wendy frowned, trying to remember everyone in town – she had heard so much, about everyone…

-          Rumple… you mean, Mr Gold ? she said. The… the Dark One ?

-          I see you’re well informed.

-          Why ?

-          That wasn’t the question. And I don’t _fear_ him – it’s simply better if he doesn’t know I’m here.

Wendy was still curious, but she nodded – he was right. It was his turn, and a grin formed on his face as he became ready to talk.

-          You know what ? Wendy said, shaking her head. It’s not necessary. We could play until you trick me into coming with you – which I knew you would – or just stop right now. I’ll come with you, Peter. On one condition.

Peter titled his head, looking slightly surprised, frowning :

-          Condition ? he repeated.

-          Yes, Wendy said, nodding firmly. I’ll come with you – I won’t fight, I won’t protest, I won’t ever try to escape – I’ll stay, and I’ll do whatever you want me to.

-          I like the sound of that.

-          If you leave my brothers be. Forever.

At this, Peter straightened his back, an expression of distaste on his face.

-          And why would I say yes to this ? Peter asked haughtily. I like your brothers – they’re useful.

-          You don’t need them. Two more boys or not – what’s the difference, to you ? It’s me you want, isn’t it ? Just make this deal with me.

-          Peter Pan doesn’t compromise.

-          Well, you’re going to, Wendy snapped forcefully. Because I don’t care what I have to do – you’re not taking my brothers. Your Shadow’s gone – you’ll have to take me by force, or call it back. I’ll run from here – I’ll run straight to Gold, I’ll tell him you’re here…

-          You think _Rumplestiltskin_ will help you ?

-          I’ll do whatever he wants in exchange, the girl said fervently. You don’t understand, Peter – you don’t understand how far I’ll go to protect them. I’ll do anything. I’ll make trouble for you, as much as I can, more than before – and you’ll have to fight to get us back to Neverland. But if you say yes, I’ll go quietly. I won’t fight, ever, I won’t protest, I’ll always do what you want. You’ll _win_.

Wendy was taking a risk, and she knew it. There was no guarantee Pan feared Rumplestiltskin enough to make a bargain with her – and she knew he didn’t like to feel forced into doing something. She could only hope the promise that she’d be good and obedient would be enough to get him to agree. She was partly bluffing, because she had no idea if Gold would even agree to help, but she had to try. For her brothers’s sake.

Pan looked at her for a long moment. It was obvious he was thinking deeply, considering her offer. He seemed reluctant, yet tempted – Wendy could only wait for him to answer, holding her breath, her heart pounding inside her chest.

Finally, Peter gave a small nod.

-          All right, he said. We have a deal, Wendy-bird. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note : No Peter Pan story is complete without Hook, and Hook/Wendy interaction.   
> Also, hey, look, you got a kiss. Don’t say I never gave you anything.  


	5. Of returns and change of hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wendy prepares herself to go back to Neverland.

**Chapter 5 : Of returns and change of hearts**

_Storybrooke, present day_

Wendy asked Peter if she could change her clothes – he had caught her in her nightgown, and she didn’t fancy running around Neverland dressed like this again. Peter agreed – she asked him to turn while he changed. He grinned and laid on her bed, putting his hands behind his head nonchalantly – Wendy wondered how he could do this. How he could from threatening, dangerous to playful and youthful so quickly – it was as though he didn’t realize the weight of what she was doing. He was probably simply thrilled he’d won the game.

-          Close your eyes, Wendy chided.

-          Why should I ? Peter asked with a grin. I’ve seen you before, you know.

-          That was different.

-          You’re right. I’m pretty sure I helped you get undressed last time. Need a hand ?

Wendy looked at Peter in utter disbelief – it sounded like he was _flirting_. He seemed relaxed, playful – she guessed that he was still playing, but she didn’t feel like reacting to his goading. She was about to leave, again, and to commit herself to a life in Neverland. Never growing up, frozen in time, _again_ … with _him_. She was in no mood to indulge him.

She rolled her eyes at him, which he seemed to find very amusing. Well, he could watch if it pleased him – she was past caring at this point, and it was nothing he’d never seen before, indeed. Quickly, she pulled clothes from her drawers – she slipped out of her nightgown as fast as she could, pulling on a pair of pants and a cardigan over a tank top. There. That would do.

All the while, Peter watched her, a little smile on his face, but his eyes were darkened with lust, and he sat up on the bed, his fists twisting in the sheets as he restrained himself from going to her. When Wendy looked at him again, he smiled, but she didn’t smile back. It made him frown, and he stood up, making his way to her.

-          Come on, Wendy-bird, Pan said, leaning closer to her. Don’t look so grim.

Wendy tensed a little, tying her hair up in a bun.

-          Sorry, she said. I was just…

-          You look like you’re going to a funeral, he said harshly. Lighten up ! Neverland is fun. Remember ? We used to have fun, before.

Memories of games, of fairies and flying came rushing back to her. She closed her eyes and sighed.

-          We can do it again, Peter told her. It can be just like it used to be.

-          It was long ago, Peter, Wendy murmured. Everything was different. Neverland was different, too.

-          I know, Peter said quietly. But I found a way, birdie. I found a way to make it better. You’ll see. When I do, we can be together.

This pulled Wendy from her overwhelming sadness. She looked up at him, confused :

-          Together, she repeated quizzically.

-          Yes, Peter said, grinning youthfully as he cupped her face.

-          I don’t understand,  

-          You never have, Peter answered with a chuckle. For a smart girl, you can be rather _stupid_ , you know.

-          Peter…

-          I miss you, Pan whispered against her ear, his breath warm on her skin as his hands came to rest on her waist. I miss you, birdie…

Wendy’s eyes widened as the meaning of his words finally dawned upon her – was this what he meant ? Did he want her – want her the way James had ? It wasn’t possible – she shivered at the thought, and pulled back to look at him.

-          You, she stammered helplessly. You mean you...

-          Don’t look so surprised, Peter said with a little laugh.

-          You want…

-          Yes, he breathed, leaning forward to kiss her neck. When we get back to Neverland – I’ll have you like I never have before.

She couldn’t help it. She felt her face grow hot, her neck flushing – desire shone through the anguish she felt.

-          But - but you can’t, she said, shaking her head. You – you’re supposed to remain a boy, forever. You told me.

-          But Neverland is my land, Peter said, a determined fire in his eyes. I do what I want on it. Nobody can tell me what to do. I’m _Peter Pan_. I do what I want, always.

-          And you want _me_ , Wendy whispered, trying to wrap her mind around it.

Peter chuckled, brushing his lips against Wendy’s ear.

-          Yes, he said. I tried not to – but why fight it?

Wendy felt numb. Here he was, _Peter Pan_ – the boy she’d once liked long ago, so long ago that the years had numbed it, and the boy she’d loved, when they were both someone else – and he was telling her _he wanted her,_ whatever that meant – and she felt _nothing_. Because she knew that whatever he felt, it meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. He’d wanted her for his own amusement in the past, and now, he also wanted to gain pleasure from it. He wanted her because it would grant him something he desired.

He didn’t truly care about her. She was still his prisoner, and she felt as though she would be in an even tighter prison this time.

He obviously had been expecting a different reaction from her, because he pulled back, his smile fading. He tilted his head.

-          Aren’t you happy ? he asked curiously.

If the situation had been less tense, she would have laughed in his face. But the situation was tricky enough – and who was to say he couldn’t go back on his word ?

-          Yes, she said, forcing a smile.

-          You don’t look it.

-          I’m sorry, Wendy said. I just – I’m going to miss my brothers. That’s all.

-          Then let’s take them with us ! Peter said, sounding irritated. If you want them so bad, let’s just take them …

-          No ! Wendy said, shaking her head fervently. No, Peter, please – I’ll be all right. Let’s leave them here.

She looked at him nervously, afraid to have made a mistake, but he didn’t look annoyed anymore. He simply looked truly confused.

-          I don’t understand, he admitted after a moment. If it saddens you to leave them behind, why do you want to do it anyway ?

-          Because, Wendy said, her voice catching in her throat. Because I love them – and I’d rather have them be happy and free than with me.

-          But it will make you unhappy, won’t it ?

Wendy almost wanted to tell him to go to hell, because he was the reason for all of it, but he seemed confused, truly curious – and she couldn’t take the risk to deny him.

-          Yes and no, she said softly. I’ll be sad without them – but I’ll be happy to know they’re happy. I’m happier if they are. That’s how much I love them. Does that make sense to you ?

_Please, understand,_ she begged silently _. Understand that I love them – if you care for me at all, you’ll understand, and you will leave them alone, forever._

Peter just stared at her, and she sighed despite herself.

-          It’s fine, she said, stepping back without realizing it. It’s fine if you don’t get it. You don’t have to. As long as the deal stands.

-          Why would you think I don’t understand?

His tone was very serious – it reminded her of the way James used to suddenly quiet down, his smirk and laughter gone. But then again, it hadn’t been exclusive to James. She’d seen Pan do it too, more than once. They hadn’t been that different, not truly, and a part of her was deeply aware of it.

What did it say about her that she had fallen in love with him, where in another life, he’d been her worst tormenter ?

-          Because you don’t think like that, she said gently, doing her best to remain calm so she wouldn’t anger him. It’s not in you.

-          What’s not in me ?

She hesitated, than answered simply :

-          Love.

It was true, wasn’t it ? He could hardly get offended by that. She thought he might even take it as a compliment, tell her that Peter Pan didn’t _love,_ but instead, he kept his unnervingly grave expression.

-          You know that’s not true, he said quietly. 

It was as though his words had pierced her heart, drew hope into it – she hated herself for being so naïve, so easily swayed. Why did she even hope that he might care for her ? Even if he did, it would change nothing. It wouldn’t erase anything.

But it might give her closure. It might give her the validation she desperately needed – it might tell her that what they’d had during the curse had been _real_ , had been true despite the circumstances. It would tell her that she wasn’t alone at struggling with it and that she wasn’t the only one haunted by the memory, fighting to reconcile or dissociate those parts of herself, those parts of him.

She’d been young Wendy Darling, hopeful, naïve, in search of adventure. She’d been the Wendy that had gotten back to London, changed, more determined. And then, she’d been Neverland’s Wendy, bruised and battered by years of struggles, before becoming Gwen Berry, unburdened, yet still caged. And now, she was left with all those sides of herself and didn’t know what to do with them.

She’d disliked Peter, been afraid of Peter, been drawn to Peter. She’d hated him, wished him dead, and then, she’d loved him. But he had never left her heart, in one way or another – he’d always been a looming presence over there, ever since the moment she’d stepped foot in Neverland.

He was right. She’d never escape him. Maybe it was time she stopped trying.

 

_Neverland, long ago_

Wendy hadn’t wanted to come back, ever – she didn’t want to put her brothers through this. But they couldn’t let Baelfire suffer, alone in that island, and her brothers hadn’t wanted to hear a word of staying behind. The Shadow came back, eventually, and this time, they all went with it.

Neverland was different from what she remembered – perhaps it was because her opinion of it had changed ? But the place seemed darker, like the sun was less bright, the trees less green and the sea less glistening. Wendy didn’t know how they’d manage to leave after finding Bae – but they would be four against Pan. They stood a better chance – and Baelfire had known magic before, hadn’t he ?

They’d manage to rescue him and leave. Wendy refused to think about any other alternative. Especially since she had missed her parents so much, and had only seen them for a few days before leaving for Neverland again. But they couldn’t be told – adults wouldn’t understand. Wendy knew it.

She guessed Pan would sense their presence – she had understood how connected he was to Neverland the last time she had been there. The Shadow left them in the woods, dangerously close to the camp – Wendy lead her brothers through the forest as well as she could.

They were caught sooner than she thought, but not by who she expected. As night fell upon Neverland, darkening the sky with the color of ink, a hooded figure found the Darlings. John and Michael took a defensive stance, while Wendy recognized quickly the familiar silhouette.

-          Felix.

-          Are you insane ? the boy immediately hissed, hovering over Wendy angrily. You got what you wanted – he let you go. And now, you’re back ?

-          We came for our friend, Wendy bravely said. Baelfire.

-          Don’t worry about Baelfire, Felix spat out. He’s fine.

-          You’ve seen him ? Where is he ?

-          You should never have come back, Wendy, Felix said harshly. You’re a fool !

Wendy watched her former friend’s face in the dark, as cries began to ring through the woods. She noticed the scar upon his face, and gasped.

-          Felix, she said softly. What happened to you ?

-          Leave it alone, Felix almost barked.

-          Don’t talk to her like that ! John protested angrily.

Felix gave John a menacing glare when suddenly, Wendy felt a chill in the wind around her. Soon enough, coming from the trees, lost boys were gathering around them. Before she saw him, Wendy already knew he was here, leading them.

Her eyes fell upon Pan.

He hadn’t changed – but why would he have ? In the dark, she couldn’t make out much but his never ending smirk and the playful glint in his eyes.

-          Well, he said. Look who’s come out to play, boys. Your _Mother_.

Wendy swallowed at the sound of his voice, and she dragged her brothers closer to her.

-          And she’s brought new recruits, Peter said. How nice of her.

-          I can call on the Shadow to send her back, Felix said, narrowing his eyes in the Darlings’ direction.

-          Not so fast, Felix, Peter said.

Wendy was scared – but not as afraid as she could have been. This time, she wasn’t alone – she had her brothers. And yes, that meant she feared for them, but she didn’t feel as lost and powerless. Peter Pan wouldn’t make her tremble. She’d stand her ground. She would face him.

-          It seems like sending her away doesn’t work, Peter mused quietly, as if talking to himself. And why, he added louder, do you think the Shadow went back there ? I told it to.

Felix looked genuinely surprised.

-          Let’s keep her around, this time, he said with a grin.

-          Where’s Baelfire, Peter ? Wendy asked, daring to speak for the first time. What have you done with him ?

-          Your little friend will be dealt with, Peter said. For now, let’s deal with you. Boys ! he hollered joyfully. Get them back to camp. And play nice. These are our guests ! 

 

_Storybrooke, present day_

-          Birdie ?

She’d gotten lost in thought – his voice, oddly tentative, brought her back to the bedroom she’d spent years in. She shook her head, focusing her gaze on him again.

-          You don’t believe me, he said. I _hate it_ when you don’t believe.

-          Oh, what, Peter ? she said, her tone slightly mocking despite her efforts to remain civil. Are you saying you _love_ me ?

His jaw clenched, and his hands balled into fists.

-          _No_.

-          There you go, she said, hurt without truly knowing why. There’s no use talking about it.  

She looked down, swallowing, wondering why she felt so wounded, so lost – she didn’t even know what was breaking her heart anymore – when she felt Peter move by her side. She looked up to see him put a hand under her chin, lifting her face up. She barely had time to see the blazing look on his face before his lips caught hers.

The earlier kiss, the dare, had been intense, fiery, a struggle for power. This was different. If she didn’t know any better, she’d have thought he was trying to be comforting. She remembered that he’d done it once, during one of her first nights in Neverland, where he’d tried to make her stop crying. He was cupping her face now, in the same way he had then.

Wendy didn’t even think about it: she kissed him back. If she’d been asked, she would have said she simply wanted to accommodate him, afraid he might rethink their bargain, but in all honesty, his touch was tender, and it made her think of the way she’d melt into James’ arms, before. It reminded her of the way they’d understood each other, needed each other, loved each other…

A part of her almost wanted to go back to that. Before the curse broke. It was awful, monstrous to think, but it was true. She missed her blissful ignorance. Of course, she would never give up her brothers for him, but there was a part of her that wished to have it all anyway. Her brothers, her family, and Peter, or James, as he had been during the curse, to be devoted to her and love her.

If only things could be that simple.

When Peter felt her kiss back, he was almost like a man possessed. His hand tangled in her hair while the other caressed her neck lustfully. Her skin tingled under his touch, and she couldn’t even find the strength to hate herself for it.

-          Wendy, he breathed against her lips, his mouth trailing down to her neck as his hand dug into the small of her back. Wendy…

She closed her eyes tightly, tears forming in them despite herself – this was wrong, but she wanted, needed comfort, even if it was at the hands of the one who was causing her pain. She buried her face against his shoulder as he kissed her skin, his hand tugging at her collar. He grew needier, aroused : his breathing soon became rougher, ragged, loud and a part of her could hardly believe that she could have such an effect on _Peter Pan_.

He felt her tense up, though, and quickly pulled back, lifting her chin up to see her face. His eyes widened in dismay at the sight of her tearful eyes, and he cupped her face again, shaking his head.

-          No, no, no, no, he said. Don’t cry, Wendy-bird, don’t cry…

He kissed her forehead quickly, and his fingers ran over her cheeks to wipe away her tears. Wendy closed her eyes, fighting back bitter tears – how dare he be so tender, so gentle all of a sudden ? Who gave him the right to try and heal the wounds he’d inflicted ?

-          We’ll wait until we get back, he whispered, pressing his forehead to hers. It will be better. The boys will be happy to see you again – they’ve missed you.

-          Peter ?

-          What, birdie ?

-          Can… can I say goodbye to John and Michael before we leave ? Please ?

For a second, he seemed vaguely irritated, impatient, but he nodded.

-          Quickly, he said. And then, we leave.

-          We leave.

He smiled, satisfied, and pressed another kiss to her lips. She couldn’t even find the strength to respond to it.

Elyse and her daughters weren’t home – Wendy thanked the heavens they weren’t. That meant she had less people to bid goodbye to. She found her brothers in the next room – they jumped and retreated in fear when they saw Pan. Wendy put on a brave face, and took a deep breath, before sitting down on the bed to explain to them the bargain she had struck with Pan.

-          No, John said at once, looking from Wendy to Pan, his eyes narrowing in pure hatred as he watched the boy. No – Wendy, _no_.

-          Wendy, no, Michael reitered, seizing his sister’s sleeve. You can’t – you can’t go… we’ll go with you …

-          Yeah, we’ll go with you…

-          It’s too late, Wendy said quickly. The deal is made, there’s no going back. Right, Peter ?

-          Right, Pan said.

-          See, Wendy added, her throat constricting under the weight of her pain. I’ll be all right – I promise you. I will, and you know why ?

John looked away, clenching his jaw, and Michael sniffled.

-          Why ? the younger one asked in a broken voice.

-          Because I know you two will be here, safe, free, happy. Elyse will care for you, people here will protect you. Before, I tried to fight so you wouldn’t be prisoners. I wanted you to be happy. Now, I know you will be. And Neverland isn’t so bad, she added with a tearful smile. You know ? It can be fun, sometimes.

She glanced at Peter, who smiled with satisfaction at hearing Wendy echo his earlier words. John threw him an angry glare, and shook his head.

-          But you’ll be with _him_ , he spat out. He’ll try to lock you up again.

-          He won’t, Wendy assured. Because I won’t try to run away. I won’t need to. I – I’ll be fine. I promise. Peter will protect me.

-          I will, Peter affirmed with a nod.  

-          But you won’t be _happy_ , John insisted forcefully. You’ll never be happy there, with him.

-          I will, Wendy whispered, grasping his hand. Because I know you will be. Can you do that for me ? Take care of each other – live a long, happy life here ? That’s all I ask. That’s all you need to do, to make me happy.

John looked at Wendy, reluctant, fighting back tears, while Michael kept shaking his head. Pan, standing protectively next to Wendy, his arms crossed, watched her face with intensity, as if studying every movement of her face.

-          I’ll be all right, Wendy insisted, her voice breaking despite her best efforts. I promise, I will…

-          Wendy…

-          Take care of Michael, John, Wendy firmly told her brother. It’s your duty.

They stared at each other for a moment, then John nodded quietly. Michael threw his arms around Wendy, and the girl felt her heart break in her chest. Michael was older than he looked, of course, but being frozen in time for so long made him still a child, in so many ways. A child that needed her so…

But she was doing this for them. She hugged him back, unable to hold back a sob.

-          I love you, Wendy, Michael cried out.

-          I love you too, his sister replied, shutting her eyes to keep the tears from falling out. I’m sorry – I’m so sorry…

She opened her eyes, to find Peter staring at her over Michael’s shoulder – his expression was of that serious kind that she could never quite read. He swallowed hard, looking almost pained. Torn. Afraid he might take offense at her tears, she closed her eyes again, holding on to her brother tightly. She felt John hug them both, and she sobbed again, realizing that this was the last time she would ever get to hold them…

Suddenly, a noise made her open her eyes. The Darlings jumped at the sharp sound of the window opening. A draft of wind flew into the room, and three gazes turned towards the opened window. The night air made the curtains dance around it, and Wendy blinked away her tears, looking around in confusion.

-          Peter ? she called out hesitantly.  

But Peter Pan was gone. 


	6. Of old friends and chases

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Storybrooke, Wendy is reunited with an old friend.

_Storybrooke, present day_

Wendy thought about that night over and over again – had something happened to Pan ? Did something make him leave ? Did some kind of magic make him disappear, just like that ?

Was it Gold ? Was it the Shadow ? Or had he simply been urgently needed elsewhere ?

Or had he decided to let her out of their deal ?

The last idea was almost too preposterous to consider, but it nagged Wendy endlessly.

She recalled his words, his peculiar, gentle manner, the torn look on his face while he’d seen her hug her brothers … and she thought that maybe, just maybe, it was a possibility.

For several nights, Wendy couldn’t sleep, afraid he might show up again, claim their deal was off, and take her brothers with him.

But he didn’t come back and eventually, Wendy began to let herself breathe again. Days, weeks passed, and Wendy started to believe in freedom, started to let hope shine into her heart again. She began to smile more, to laugh more.

She felt free.

If Peter had truly decided to leave her alone, that meant that for once, she had a future. A chance to grow up, to do what she wanted to do  - whatever that was. A chance to find her place in the world, her brothers by her side.

She hadn’t had that chance for a long, long time.

_Neverland, long ago_

The Darlings didn’t find Baelfire. He wasn’t with the Lost Boys, and nobody would speak of him, which scared Wendy deeply – what if Pan had done something to him ?

Neverland was different from Wendy’s first visit to the island. Wendy felt it clearly. It was darker, less bright, less beautiful – as for Pan, he was ever the same. Paler, perhaps, unless it was a trick of the light. He’d taken John and Michael as Lost Boys, and acted as though the Darlings were his, now. Like they were playmates.

The night they came back, the boys danced around the fire, and Peter tried to get John and Michael to join in the circle. They refused, because they heard the cries of those who wept at night. Peter just looked at them arrogantly, a smug light in his dark gaze. 

-          Soon, you’ll forget, Pan said with a smirk. And you’ll stop crying, too. You’ll stop hearing, you’ll stop caring. Like _me_.

Wendy glared at Pan. He looked up at her, meeting her eyes for the first time since he’d found them in the woods. He smiled, the smile not quite reaching his eyes, and extended his hand to her :

-          Come on, Wendy-bird, he said. Come dance.

-          No, thank you.

-          Do I have to say “please” ?

Wendy pursed her lips, glaring :

-          I’ll dance if you tell me what you’ve done to Baelfire, she said.

-          So stubborn, Pan replied, shaking his head in amusement. You’re lucky I’m in a good mood. _Come_.  

A little surprised that he had agreed so easily, Wendy looked down and took his hand. She heard John’s whisper of protest, but she marched on – they were here to find Bae. It was their mission, and they needed to do all they could to rescue him.

-          I can’t hear the music, she said.

-          Not yet, Peter said. But you will, soon. 

Still, Peter didn’t let this deter him. His hand still firmly holding Wendy’s, he spun her around, chuckling as she stumbled from surprise. Wendy, gritting her teeth, did as he asked, and danced, obviously reluctant. 

-          Come on, Wendy, smile a little ! Peter exclaimed, as the gazes of others fell upon them. Or you’re not getting your answers, he added quietly.

Wendy rolled her eyes at him, making him laugh again. He caught her by the waist, and she pushed him lightly, twirling away, shivering from the ghost of his breath on her neck. Peter caught her again, one of his arms catching her waist, the other falling beneath her knees – he lifted her up, carrying her as he had before, when they were flying, and spun her around. Her hands locked behind his neck reluctantly, clinging to the boy for fear of falling. He was smiling – he seemed to be having much more fun than she was. She didn't try to understand him because, who could claim to understand Peter Pan ? 

-          Where’s Bae ? she asked, relentless.

Pan rolled his eyes, chuckling, but didn’t let go of her.

-          Hiding on the island, he said easily, still holding on to the girl. Don’t know where, exactly – he moves around a lot. He was on Hook’s boat – then Hook gave him to us.

-          He escaped you ?

-          Maybe I let him.

-          Like you let anyone escape.

-          I enjoy the chase, Peter answered with a wolfish grin. I thought he could be useful to me – I was wrong. And I’ll give him that – the boy is a challenge. He’s very good at hiding.

-          Well, he’s smart, Wendy said, lifting her chin proudly. Baelfire knows a lot. He’ll find a way off this island, and we’ll leave.

-          You won’t.

-          What do you care, anyway ? Wendy asked, her voice rising. You wanted me away from Neverland – you said I didn’t belong.

Peter’s eyes twinkled with a light she didn’t recognize. His eyes glanced over her face, lingering on her cheeks, her lips, her eyes. It almost made her blush. 

-          Maybe I changed my mind, he drawled as he set her down. Maybe Neverland was boring without you, Wendy-bird.

Wendy was beginning to think Pan would always remain an enigma to her : she watched him walk away as he let go of her hand, and went back to her brothers. John put a protective arm around her – she could tell neither of her brothers were fond of Peter, and she couldn’t blame them.

But Wendy knew Pan was elusive, and that he was bound to disappear as he used to. And the first time they got the chance – the Darlings ran from camp, in search of Baelfire. Pan had said he was somewhere on the island, hiding, and Wendy didn’t doubt that was true. But they didn’t find their friend, and the Lost Boys caught them, bringing them back to camp. When they got back, Pan was there, sitting next to Felix. When he caught a glimpse of the Darlings, he threw his head back and laughed :

-          Oh, he said, I think I’m going to _like_ this game.

At that moment, Wendy bitterly regretted coming back to Neverland.

Every day, when Pan disappeared, the Darlings would leave to explore the island, looking Baelfire. Every time, Lost Boys would find them and bring them back to camp. Sometimes they’d go quietly, sometimes they’d try to fight back.

One time, one of them was a little rough with Michael, and gave him a scratch on the cheek. John was livid, and tried to fight the boy that did it. Wendy screamed and ran to pull the boys who had jumped to the other’s aid from John. They weren’t violent, not truly – they were still children, and to them, it was more of a game than anything else. But to the Darlings, it was not a game, and it had never been. When one of the older boys pushed John to the ground, Wendy let out a strangled scream, and seized a wooden stick from the ground, lifting it up to hit the boy…

A hand closed around her wrist, and Wendy turned her head quickly, ready to growl at whoever had tried to stop her, but the sound died on her lips. It was Pan, and he looked dangerously entertained. 

-          Boys ! he hollered, his eyes never leaving Wendy’s face. Enough !

Obediently, like children scolded by their father, the boys immediately stopped and moved away from the Darlings. Wendy glanced behind her – John was kneeling down, an arm protectively wrapped around Michael’s small frame. Wendy turned back to Pan, whose fingers were still wrapping around her small wrist :

-          Let go of me, she ordered furiously.

When he only laughed in her face, she raised her improvised weapon in the air, trying to hit him – he let go of her, avoiding the blow with ease. He laughed again.

-          Is that a challenge, Wendy-bird ? he said, his eyes twinkling playfully. 

-          Maybe it is, Wendy hissed.

-          What say you, boys ? Peter said, turning around, raising his arms up. Do you want to see your _Mother_ challenge me ?

-          Stop calling me that, Wendy said as the boys responded in enthusiasm. I’m not their Mother – their mothers are far away, _you_ made sure of that…

-          Challenge it is, Peter replied, a self-satisfied grin on his lips.

He motioned to Felix, who threw him a wooden stick with a small smirk – Pan caught it, holding it like a sword. Wendy gulped, throwing a glance at her brothers – she shook her head at John, who looked ready to intervene.

She knew how to sword-fight – for fun, of course, with wooden swords. She had done it with her brothers, sometimes with the Lost Boys – but she soon found that she was no match for Pan. He matched her blow by blow, and he didn’t even seem to put any effort into it. She was raging, sweating, trying to hit him any way she could, but he blocked every one of her attempts. And he did it with a smirk on his face.

Angered by his smugness, frustrated by her utter inability to gain the upper hand, she charged at him with all her strength – she almost had him, almost when suddenly, the stick in his hand turned into a real sword, and her wooden weapon was cut on the blade of his weapon. She froze, her eyes widening in surprise and fear. 

-          How … she whispered.

-          Power of belief, little bird, Peter said, raising his eyebrows with a twisted sort of amusement. _My_ island, _my_ rules.

-          _Your rules_. Of course – your rules, always, _always_ , _your_ rules ! she shouted. Tell me, _Peter Pan_ – how can you even enjoy playing if you twist it all to win ? It’s not even a game when it’s a sure thing. Can’t you handle a real challenge, for once ?

She caught surprised, almost fearful looks on the Lost Boys’ faces – in the corner, Michael was shaking his head at her, while John looked proud, if worried as well. Peter cocked his head slightly, staring at Wendy – she thought she caught a glimpse of appreciation in his eyes, despite the frustration he obviously felt at being so openly challenged.

-          You want a real challenge ? he said, his voice lowering, his eyes staring into hers. Your wish is my command, _my lady._

He raised his free hand, closed fist over her wooden sword. He opened it in one quick motion and before Wendy’s eyes, the wood turned to steel : the young girl found herself holding a long, thin blade, light enough for her to carry with no trouble. She blinked, a little stunned, staring at the shining metal in the light of the dusk. When she looked up again, Pan was inches from her face, grinning :

-          _En_ _garde_ , Wendy-bird.

With no warning, he raised his sword, and Wendy, gasping, jumped backwards and blocked his blow. She was terrified – they weren’t playing anymore. Those were real swords – she had no idea how to handle herself, how to fight him without running the risk that he would hurt her… Would he really try to stab her ? Would he go as far as to kill her if he had the chance ?

-          Fight him, Wendy ! Michael shouted fervently.

Those words of encouragement were enough for her to steel herself and, lifting her head up proudly, holding her sword with both hands, she charged at Pan, who avoided her, jumping up to stand behind her again. They fought, him easily blocking every one of her blow, and her straining to avoid his. But she didn’t give up, she didn’t forfeit – she kept fighting until he knocked the sword from her hand, backing her into a corner against a tree, the cool metal of his blade held against her bare throat.

-          Wendy ! John screamed.

-          I win, Peter said proudly. Again.

-          This time, Wendy replied despite her fear. One battle doesn’t make a war won.

-          Then I’ll win every battle.

-          We’ll see.

She was bluffing – but she wasn’t about to admit defeat openly. Of course he would win – he always won, but he wouldn’t win the battle against her spirit. He wouldn’t crush her. Ever.

She would make sure of that. 

He drew back his sword, his gaze dark and unreadable, then turned away without a word, throwing on the ground the weapon that became wood again. As John and Michael rushed towards their sister, Wendy stared at Pan’s retreating back without a word. 

She realized, in that moment, that whatever war there was, it was between Pan and her. There was something different about him when he interacted with her, since she had come back– she could sense it. Perhaps he hated her, perhaps she got under his skin, but she believed they could use it to their advantage when trying to find Bae.

The next day, after a rough night, Wendy suggested the Darlings split up. That way, they had a better chance of finding Bae. And the Lost Boys would come after her first, she was sure of it – her brothers had a stronger chance of finding their friend without her.

John and Michael took a direction, and Wendy took another.

Days were darker, shorter now. It was a subtle change, but one obvious to Wendy. She walked the shores of Neverland, looking for a sign of Bae, without any success. She was about to turn back when she spotted, lying on the beach, a silhouette, face down in the sand.

It was a mermaid.

Wendy approached with caution, scared, but intrigued – she had learned by now that mermaids weren’t the sweet, magical creatures she had thought them to be. This one was rather small, and Wendy could only see her mane of auburn hair around her as she lied on the beach. As she approached, Wendy spotted some blood trailing down her arm. Her hesitation forgotten, she rushed towards the mermaid, kneeling down at her side.

The mermaid seemed young – a young woman’s face. She had a cut on her forehead, and she was bleeding unconscious – looking at the horizon, Wendy guessed she had probably hit a rock, or Hook’s ship. Quickly, Wendy ripped a piece of her nightgown to envelop the mermaid’s wound. The mermaid stirred, her eyes snapping open – she looked at Wendy with fear, her blue tail moving around :

-          Sh ! Wendy said. I don’t want to hurt you – I found you here. You’re hurt – please don’t hurt me, I was only trying to help…

-          Hurt you ? the mermaid said, blinking. Why would I hurt you ?

Wendy relaxed a little, still a little shaken by the idea that she was talking to a mermaid – she gently pressed her cloth against the wound :

-          A mermaid tried, once, she said.

-          Who are you ?

-          Wendy. And you ? 

-          Aquata.

-          That’s a beautiful name, Wendy breathed, fascinated. 

Aquata winced a little because of her wound, then said :

-          There was a ship – and then rocks. This place – this place is a strange one…

-          You’re not from here ?

-          Me ? No. No, I come from another realm…

Wendy’s eyes widened : she was about to ask more questions, when suddenly, Aquata winced again, her hands stretching towards the sea.

-          I need to get back into the water, she said weakly. Can you …

-          Yes ! Wendy said. I’ll help you, of course…

Bending down, Wendy gently put an arm around the mermaid’s waist, and helped drag her towards the water. Soon enough, the mermaid seemed to relax, some color coming back to her beautiful face.

-          Thank you, Wendy, she said. Thank you for your help.

And just like that, the mermaid was rushing back into the sea. Wendy shook her head – she needed to know where the mermaid came from, how she had even gotten here, how she could leave …

-          Wait ! she said, starting to walk into the sea, taking difficult strides through the water. Aquata ! Wait !

The mermaid was nowhere to be seen. Wendy looked around in despair, her heart pounding – what if Aquata could have helped her ? What if she had missed a chance ? She was pondering the question nervously when suddenly, she felt the water move around her, as though waves were suddenly coming from the depths of the sea. Wendy let out a strangled cry, fearful – she shouldn’t have stepped into the water. Panicked, she tried to make her way back to shore, but the sea was taking her, dragging her further away from it, until a wave engulfed her like the mouth of a monster…

Wendy woke up choking out water, her nightgown clinging to her body – she felt someone wrap a blanket around her shoulders as she coughed. Shivering, she soon realized she wasn’t on shore anymore, nor was she on the island. A few faces came into view, and Wendy recognized the dark eyes of a familiar pirate.

 _Hook_.

-          We have got to stop meeting like this, lass, the man said with a suave smile, a trace of concern lingering in his eyes.

Wendy wiped her wet face with the blanket, still out of breath, fear clinging to her.

-          What – what happened ? 

-          Mermaids, Hook said, kneeling down in front of her. They really don’t like you, do they ?

-          I – I helped one of them.

-          I doubt it was one of them, love, the way they came after you. We pulled you out just in time. 

Hook extended his hand, and Wendy took it. He helped pull her to her feet as Wendy regained consciousness, the shock from the situation fading away slowly. She still had trouble breathing normally. 

-          I didn’t expect to see you again, Hook said. I didn’t think anyone was foolish enough to come back here after leaving – except for myself, of course.

Wendy’s question died on her lips as she recalled something Pan had said – she didn’t hesitate to question the pirate.

-          Baelfire, she said. Pan said – Pan said he’d been on your ship. I’m looking for him – do you know where he is ?

At the mention of the young boy, Hook’s face changed, hardening in a way Wendy hadn’t seen before. Instead of his usual charming smile, the man looked haunted for a brief moment. 

-          I don’t, Hook said at last, looking away from Wendy.

-          What happened ? she asked. Was he really here ?

-          He was.

-          Why is he gone ? Did you really give him back to Pan ?

-          Aye.

-          Why ? Why would you do that ?

-          You don’t understand, lass, Hook said, an intense, almost regretful look in his eyes. Pan controls this whole island – he could chase me from it if it pleased him, and that doesn’t really work with my _goals_.

\-          Your - your goals ? Wendy cried out in anger. You gave up a child for your own selfish motives – you’re just as bad as Pan is …

-          I never pretended to be a good man, Hook retorted. Don’t make me out to be a hero.

Wendy stared at Hook in disbelief : there had been a fleeting moment where she had liked, almost trusted the man, believed he was looking out for her. She had believed in the magic of Neverland, believed in Pan, believed she could find Bae and leave this island – it seemed that every ounce of hope she clung to was doomed to be crushed, one after or another. She shook her head in horror.

-          I can’t believe you would do this to a young boy, she said. He was on your ship – you could have protected him, or tried, instead of... 

-          He didn’t want my protection. And I had to get back on Pan’s good side, Hook said. We had a … disagreement, a while ago. 

-          Over what ?

Hook gave Wendy a little, humorless smile :

-          I said some things he didn’t want to hear.

Wendy frowned, her mind full of questions, but Hook raised one of his hands, silencing her.

-          Don’t ask, love. Trust me. It’s better if you don’t know.

-          So you don’t know where Bae is, she said, defeated. You really don’t.

-          No. I don’t. He would never come to me for help – I think he’d rather give himself up to Pan than to me.

-          And you’re going to give me back to Pan, too.

-          I’m afraid I am. Either I give you back to him, or he comes take you by force. I’m rather fond of the one hand I have left.

Wendy scoffed quietly, but didn’t protest. She was tired – tired of fighting. She had no intention of stopping for good, of course – but she couldn’t keep it up. Not all the time.

Hook dropped her back to shore, where Pan waited, by nightfall. Man and boy nodded at each other, before Hook left, going back to his ship. Wendy looked away from them both, her arms crossed over her stomach. She didn’t want to see his anger, to see the threats in Peter Pan's eyes. His words harsh, displeased, came after a long silence. 

-          You could have died. _Again_.

-          Neverland is dangerous, Wendy said without looking at Pan. You know that.

-          It isn’t if you follow my rules, Pan said, taking a few steps towards her. _I can protect you, Wendy._ Why do you insist on running from me ?

-          I’m looking for Bae. You know that.

-          Then, stop.

-          I’m not going to stop. And what’s the problem ? Wendy added defiantly. I thought you _liked_ the chase. Are you afraid that someday, you won’t catch me ?

Pan's vexed expression disappeared, replaced by one of arrogance. 

-          Afraid ? Peter said with a laugh. _Peter Pan_ fears nothing.

-          And _Wendy Moïra Angela Darling_ doesn’t fear _you_.

It was a lie. Of course she feared him, to an extent – it was hard not to. Still, her words had the intended effect. It got to him, and for a moment, Wendy feared the consequences of her words. He sneered, and leaned forward to whisper in her ear :

-          That’s your mistake.

He flew away, leaving her alone in the night, alone to find her way back to camp.

_Storybrooke, present day_

After the curse had broken, school had sort of… stopped. Now, things were kicking into gear again, and Elyse, still taking care of Wendy through it all, had told her she might want to start looking at college brochures. Of course, it was still soon but Wendy took the advice to heart. That day, after classes, she went to _Granny’s_ – she liked it there. She liked seeing everybody she used to be familiar with before, and listen to them, learn about who they used to be. It also gave her a chance to be by herself, to think, gather her thoughts.

She finally had the chance to think about _herself_.

As Wendy browsed through the brochures she had picked up at school, she found herself incredibly excited as she rummaged through all the possibilities. So many things seemed fascinating : creative writing, teaching, photography, art history. She was so wrapped up in it that she didn’t at first notice the figure approaching her hesitantly inside the small restaurant.

-          Wendy ?

Wendy looked up from her meal, falling face to face with a middle-aged man with dark hair and a disbelieving expression on his face. Wendy frowned :

-          Do I know you ? she asked.

-          Wendy, it’s me. It’s – it’s Baelfire.

Wendy’s eyes widened in surprise and recognition. She leapt to her feet, gaping at the man – a grin broke on his face and at this moment, she recognized him fully.

 _Baelfire_.

-          Bae ? Is that really you ? she exclaimed.

-          Yes ! he said with a laugh, rubbing his chin. Yes, it’s me – I can’t believe you’re here !

Wendy let out a happy laugh as she threw her arms around her friend. He looked older, rougher, but it was him, there was no doubt. He hugged her tightly.

-          What are you doing here ? he asked. I – how can you even be alive ?

-          We went back, Wendy said. To Neverland – we went back for you. And then, we went to the Enchanted forest – that’s when the curse hit us. I can’t believe you’re _alive_ !

-          Your brothers…

-          Are here too.

-          You… you mean you’ve been in Neverland, all this time ? You did this for me ?

-          Of course, Wendy said. We couldn’t leave you there, all alone – not after what you’d done for Michael. We – we’re family.

Baelfire’s gaze  filled with warmth, and he rubbed his chin again, a soft smile appearing on his face.

-          But you, she said. You’re here – we looked for you for so long, Bae, we had no idea what happened to you… Peter wouldn’t let us get any closer to you for so long, and…

-          Pan, Bae said, his face changing at the mention of the name. Is he – is he here too ?

Wendy shook her head :

-          No – no. He’s not.

-          Good, Bae said. I don’t want him anywhere near my son.

-          Your son ? Wendy said, her eyes widening in amazement. You have a son ?

Baelfire smiled, and pointed outside – there was a blonde woman, who Wendy recognized as Emma, the Savior, and Henry Mills, a little boy she had given piano lessons too. She knew he was the Mayor’s (and Evil Queen) adoptive son, and the Savior’s true son. She looked up at Bae :

-          Henry’s your son ?

-          Crazy, huh ? he said. It’s a long story.

-          I’m guessing you have a lot of those ! Wendy said, chuckling.

-          You have _no_ idea.

-          Oh, you need to come see John and Michael, Wendy said happily. They’ll be so happy to see you – oh, Bae… I still can’t believe it’s you…

-          I’d love to, he said. But – ah, they’re waiting for me… listen, I’ll see you soon, okay ? I’m staying at Granny’s B & B – come see me, anytime. We’ll catch up.

-          Of course !

-          I’m so happy to see you, Wendy Darling, Baelfire said, hugging the girl again. You have _no_ idea.

-          I’m pretty sure I do, Wendy said softly, smiling brightly. But go – don’t keep your son waiting ! I’ll see you soon !

Wendy watched Bae go. He looked back at her, a broad smile on his face as he walked out the door. Her heart clenched in her chest as she recalled the last time she had seen him... 

_Neverland, long ago_

Not very long after her encounter with Hook, Wendy found Baelfire.

She didn’t expect it –she simply stumbled upon him in the island, next to a cave. He had changed – he looked tired, worn, lonely – Neverland had obviously taken a toll on him. But she was so happy to see him that she didn’t care. Her heart soared in her chest, and she ran towards him, almost stumbling on the way to the boy.

-          Bae ! Bae !

Wendy threw her arms around the boy’s neck, and Bae’s face lit up with disbelief and joy. He looked like he was going to burst into tears. 

-          Wendy ! he said, dropping the weapon in his hand, wrapping his arms tightly around the girl’s waist. Wendy – what – what are you doing here ?

-          Oh Bae, we came to look for you… we came for you – I can’t believe I finally found you !

-          John and Michael are here ?

-          Yes – we all are…

-          Oh, Wendy, Bae said, his eyes widening in horror, putting his hands on her shoulders. You should never have come back, Wendy, it’s so dangerous…

-          But I found you now, Wendy said, raising a hand up to his cheek. We can find a way to leave – together…

Suddenly, Wendy felt the wind rise around her, and she met Bae’s eyes for a few seconds. She felt him hold on to her hand desperately as they were immerged in darkness – it was as though a dark, thick night had fallen on them and them only. She recognized Pan's signature - it was him, it had to be... 

-          Wendy !

-          Bae ! she screamed, before she felt herself be yanked backwards.

It happened too fast for her to realize just how it had happened but when the light came back, she found herself hidden in the trees, somebody holding her from behind – she immediately knew it was Peter. She recognized his strong grip, the smell of his skin – he was holding her firmly, a hand on her mouth, and his lips close to her ear.

-          Told you I’d always catch you, he whispered.

Wendy tried to scream when she saw Bae was still there, looking around for her, looking lost and frightened. But he couldn’t see her. Pan had made sure of that. She tried to escape, to kick him, to bite him – but she couldn’t even move. 

-          Wendy ! Baelfire called out, his voice breaking. Wendy !

Wendy whimpered : she wanted to go to him, tell him she was there, that she had found him…

-          She’s not there.

Felix came from the trees, coming to stand in front of Bae, who looked up at the other boy, taking a few steps backwards warily, picking up his knife. 

-          What did you do to her ? he asked angrily. Tell me – I won’t let you hurt her …

-          Poor, naïve Bae, Felix said, shaking his head with a smirk that almost rivaled Pan’s. You really believed she was here ?

Wendy could see Bae’s face fall. The arm holding his weapon fell slightly to his side.

-          You mean… he said. She was another… another illusion ?

-          _Think,_ boy, Felix said cruelly. Do you really believe they’d have come all this way for you, a boy they only knew for a few days  ? Are you really that _desperate_ ? 

Wendy shut her eyes, tears falling from them as she fought against Pan’s grip. She couldn’t stand it – couldn’t stand to see her friend so close, and yet so far away… she knew what it was to feel alone, and she could only guess that was a common feeling for Bae. He’d lost everything, everything, and she wanted nothing more that to go to him, and tell him how much he meant to her…

She heard the sound of footsteps in the woods and when she opened her eyes, she saw that Bae had gone, running from Felix. She let out a muffled cry against Pan’s hand, and she heard the wicked King of Neverland chuckle next to her ear.

-          Forget about him, he whispered. Why do you always try, when you know you’ll fail ? Come on. Back to camp.

-          How could you ? she hissed as Pan freed her mouth. Have you no heart at all, Peter ?

She turned to face Pan, stumbling when her face almost collided with his. He gave her a toothy grin, then answered :

-          Oh, I have a heart. It’s just hard to get to it.

_Storybrooke, present day_

It was a beautiful day in the park. The sun was shining, and Wendy felt happy, for the first time in a little while.

Her brothers had been ecstatic to see Bae, and Wendy could swear that her old friend looked about ten years younger every time he was with the Darlings. He had brought his son, Henry, with them – John and Michael were playing with him on the playground, while Baelfire and Wendy sat on a bench.

Other people called him Neal, now. But he let the Darlings call him Bae. There was no question about it.

He told Wendy a bit about Tamara, his new fiancée, about his life in New York – about Henry. About the father he had said was dead, out of shame for being abandoned. When he told Wendy it was Mr Gold, she thought back to Peter’s words about him, but she didn’t mention it to Bae. He seemed to have enough on his plate already.

-          So, Pan was here, he told her after Wendy had admitted that much to him. But he left.

-          Yes.

-          Can’t believe he didn’t try to take you three back to Neverland, Bae commented, taking a sip of his coffee thoughtfully.

-          He tried, Wendy confessed quietly. But he… he didn’t.

She looked up to find Baelfire’s concerned eyes boring into hers. He looked a little surprised, but worried – she recognized the boy she once knew. Kind, caring, protective. Such a gentle heart... 

-          Hey, he said quietly, laying a hand on her shoulder. You can tell me about it if you want. If you need to talk, Wendy, I’m there, okay ?

Wendy swallowed deeply, glancing down at her own cup, filled with tea. The offer was tempting, and the simple idea of unburdening herself to someone almost made her want to cry – because she couldn’t talk about it. To anyone. Yes, of course, with her brothers, she played the disbelieving, happy girl – happy to still be home, happy that Pan had gone. It wasn’t a lie – for she was truly happy to be free. But all these confusing feelings for him, for James, for Peter – she couldn’t tell them about it. Pan had hurt them so much that they wouldn’t understand. Bae was no different – he had been hurt by Pan as well. She shook her head, faking a smile quickly.

-          I’m all right, she said.

Bae gave a sad smile, as though he had been expecting such an answer. He glanced at his son, who was play-fighting Michael with a wooden sword, then said :

-          John mentioned that… Pan had been cursed, too. That he went to High school with you.

Wendy tensed up, but she nodded.

-          It’s true.

-          He also said something else.

At this, sensing what was coming, Wendy sighed heavily and wiped her eyes with her sleeve delicately.

-          Wendy, Bae said softly.

-          He let me stay, she said, her voice cracking. He – he was going to take me away but then – he didn’t. I don’t know know why – I don’t understand.

She felt Bae’s arm rest softly on her shoulders, his thumb stroking her upper arm and just like that, she told him everything. Told him how she had been Gwen, and how Peter had been James. She told him how they’d become friends, then lovers – she even told him that James wanted to run away with her, out of town, and that she had been ready to come with him. But then, the curse broke, and she was left with the painfully real memory of something that had been a lie all along. She told him that Pan had threatened her, had warned he’d take her with him – and how he’d apparently changed his mind, at the last minute.

-          I know it sounds mad, Wendy said weakly, wiping her eyes quickly. But he – he’s not just Peter Pan anymore, to me. I wish he could be, but he’s not. I’d seen glimpses of it before, even on Neverland but, during the curse, I … and I tried to tell myself it was all a lie, that it was just the magic, but I see other people all around me, Bae. We weren’t that different during the curse – I was different, but I was still me, deep down. It must have been the same for him. And I – suddenly, that night, he became so… gentle, and he just let me stay with my brothers, and those things, he said, about love, I…

Realizing that she was babbling, and not making much sense, Wendy looked up at Bae, afraid she might see judgement or disgust in them. To her relief, she only saw understanding and concern.

-          I know you hate him, she whispered. My brothers hate him. And I do, too. But sometimes – sometimes, I don’t. It’s like there’s something wrong with me.

-          Hey, Bae said gently. There is nothing wrong with you, Wendy. We can’t help who we love.

-          I don’t love him, Wendy protested, shaking her head. I don’t.

-          Except when you do.

Wendy’s shoulders dropped, and she stared at Bae – he gave her a sympathetic look.

-          Except when I do, she admitted quietly.

-          It’s okay, you know. It’s okay – you’re not doing anything wrong. You loved him during the curse – you can’t forget it that easily. Chances are, he can’t either. You’re bound to be confused about it.

Wendy nodded – the fact that Bae understood made her feel intensely better, and it eased the ache she felt every time she thought of Peter.

-          You have to stop hating yourself for loving him, Bae added softly. You have to accept that you loved him, maybe even accept that you still do. And then – you can move on. That’s how relationships work, you know ?

-          Move on, Wendy repeated, as if the idea was completely new to her.

-          Yes, Bae said with a smile. You fell in love with someone. You got hurt. Happens all the time. Of course, it rarely involves curses and magic but – you wouldn’t be the first girl who had trouble with a boy who refused to grow up.

This made Wendy laugh, and she shook her head, amused, her sorrow fading away for a brief moment. 

-          There’s a smile, Bae said warmly. My work here is done.

-          Thank you, Bae, Wendy said. I’m glad we found each other again.

-          Me too.

Bae, his arms still around her shoulder, pulled her closer and dropped a quick kiss on her forehead, before letting go.

-          Are you going to be okay ? he asked.

-          Yes. You ?

-          Yeah, Bae said with an easy smile. Don’t worry about me, all right.

-          You can go play with your son, Wendy assured. I’ll be fine.

-          You sure ?

-          Absolutely.

Just as Baelfire was about to get up, Henry was walking towards them, his cheeks red from games and laughter.

-          Hey buddy, Baelfire said. Ready to play ?

-          Yeah.

-          Hi, Henry, Wendy said with a little wave.

-          Hi, Gwen ! the boy said with a grin. Wait – sorry. It’s not Gwen, right ? It’s Wendy.

-          Yes, Wendy said.

\-          So you’re really Wendy Darling, Henry said, looking fascinated. From the _Peter Pan_ stories.

-          Yes, Wendy said. 

-          What about Peter Pan ? Is he here too ?

At the mention of Peter, Wendy’s heart clenched in her chest. She noticed Bae looking at her in concern, but she didn’t lose her composure.

-          He was, she said. He’s not anymore.

-          Is he really like the story says ? Henry asked curiously. 

-          No, Wendy said. Well – in some ways, yes. But he’s not a good person. You don’t want to meet him, Henry. Trust me. 

_Neverland, long ago_

After Wendy’s encounter with Bae – an encounter her friend would always disregard as a trick of Pan’s – she was brought back to camp, where the boys gathered in a circle. Wendy looked for her brothers, but couldn’t see them.

-          I enjoyed the little game, Pan said, turning to face Wendy. But it’s enough – I’m bored with it. From now on, you’re going to be good.

-          Oh really ? Wendy said, her hands on her hips.

-          Yes. The game is over, Wendy-bird.

-          Never, Wendy told him, shaking her head fiercely. Never, Pan. Not until you let us leave with Bae.

-          _Never_.  

Peter motioned to the other boys, and they grabbed a hold of some cords – Wendy watched in horror as a big cage was lowered from the trees onto the ground. Through the bars, she spotted her brothers, huddled up behind bars.

-          No ! she cried out. No – no, Peter, no !

-          You’re going to play nice, from now on, he said. All of you. You’ll stay here, with us, and stop running. If one of you isn’t playing nice, I’ll put the others in the cage, until it pleases me to open it. Am I making myself clear ?

Wendy wished she could have fought back, wished she could have spat in his face and told him to go to hell, that he couldn’t order them around, but the sight of her brothers in the cage distressed her too much. She simply nodded fervently :

-          Yes, yes, she said. Please, just let them out…

Peter grinned, and motioned to Felix, who opened the cage quickly. John and Michael came rushing out, and Wendy ran towards them, hugging them fiercely.

-          Are you all right ? she asked them quietly. Did they hurt you ?

They shook their heads, and Wendy kissed them both. Pan was already turning his back to them, clapping his hands towards the boys.

-          Now, he said. Let’s play a game to celebrate !

Wendy watched as Pan looked to the sky, a broad smile on his face – he looked satisfied, happy. In the purple glow of the dusk, orange glimmers drew shadows on his face, and his eyes shone like gems. Never before had he looked so tall, so untouchable – he was the King of Neverland, crowned by the unshakeable loyalty of his peers. The Lost Boys answered to him – they would always answer to him. The island was his kingdom.

The Darlings stood no chance, Wendy realized with a searing pan through her heart. 

-          Now, come, Wendy-bird, Peter said, turning to her, extending his hand with a triumphant grin. Don't you want to play ? 

And so, with hate in her heart and gloom in her eyes, Wendy took his hand and played.

_Storybrooke, present day_

The memory of Pan even seemed to ruin the summer’s day for Wendy. Henry seemed a little saddened by her assertion, but it was quickly forgotten, because both he and his father looked up to notice someone new arrive at the scene.

Wendy looked up : it was Mr. Gold. _Rumplestiltskin_.

Bae’s father.

-          Bae, Gold said with hesitation, his eyes falling on his son's face.

Wendy noticed her friend tense up. He didn’t smile, but he wasn’t overly hostile, either:

-          Hey, he said simply.

-          Hi, Henry, Gold added with a tight smile towards his grandson.

-          Hey, Henry said cheerfully.

-          Do you have a moment, Bae ?

-          Actually, I was going to play with my son, Bae said, standing up. Maybe later.

There was tension, coldness between father and son. Wendy could hardly blame Bae for it. Gold looked slightly hurt, but he nodded in acceptance. Bae gave Wendy a smile, and went off with his son on the playground, joining John and Michael.

-          See you later, Wendy ! Henry said, waving at her.

-          Have fun !

Wendy watched the boys go off together thoughtfully, not realizing before a few seconds later that Mr. Gold was still standing there. She only knew him in passing – he had handled rents, properties in Storybrooke, but she didn’t recall having ever spoken to him before. She glanced at him nervously, suddenly finding herself wanting to get away from him very much. There was something dark, cold about him that made her very uneasy. Perhaps it was what she knew of him from stories, tales she had heard, from Bae - but she already disliked him strongly. 

-          You’re a friend of my son’s, Gold stated, his piercing gaze falling on Wendy.

-          Yes, Wendy said bravely. I am.

-          I don’t believe we’ve been introduced, Gold said, a mask of calculated politeness on his face. I’m…

-          I know who you are, Wendy said, shaking the gloved hand he had extended to her. I’m Wendy Darling.

-          Wendy Darling, Gold repeated. May I ask, miss Darling, where you know my son from ?

-          We met a long time ago, Wendy said evasively, not sure how much the man knew about his son’s life, and unwilling to give him more details than he needed.

-          You’re not from the Enchanted Forest.

-          No. I’m not.

For a moment, she dreaded more questions. Wondered if he would recognize her names from the stories, and ask about Pan. But he didn’t. He simply gave her a polite, yet cold smile, and nodded.

-          Well, it was nice to meet you, miss Darling. We’ll meet again.

As the man walked away, limping with his cane, Wendy couldn’t help but hope that they wouldn’t. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note : gkjlgjfdljgljlkgjfd Baelfire/Wendy family feels send help.


	7. Of departures and returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For better or for worse, Wendy Darling returns to Neverland.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note : I’m basing this very loosely on the show’s canon. Everybody goes to Neverland, yay ! But like I said, I’m like, half following what happened in season 3. And focusing on Darling Pan – because with that many characters, I’d go insane trying to write them all. (let me know how I do with them because I’m insecure about writing such beloved OUAT characters)

**Chapter 7 : Of departures and returns**

_Storybrooke, present day_

Storybrooke was often under threat, but never as much as that day where the town was almost annihilated. Wendy got wind of what was going on. Some people wanted to trigger the curse, as if to nullify it – but she didn’t have time to process things. Soon, Storybrooke was overrun with vines, trees, transforming into the forest it had once been. Wendy ran, with her brothers, trying to escape it, trying to save them both and herself – she couldn’t help but think that if Peter was still there, he would have protected them. He protected what was his.  
But she had made the choice not to be his anymore.

But the town was saved. Wendy hugged her brothers tightly, her heart pounding by the reality of the close call – in her mind, a desire to leave Storybrooke took form. It wasn’t their home, had never been their home. She wanted to go back to London, to see her old family home.

She wouldn’t get that chance yet.

Because in the aftermath of the town being saved, Henry Mills had been taken to another realm, one she knew all too well. And while his family, plus one pirate, was getting ready to come and save him, his grand-father, Rumplestiltskin, managed to track their destination, and saw where the boy had been taken.

There was a knock on Wendy’s door. Still tearful, still a little shaken from the events of the day, the girl opened the door – she only had time to see Gold’s face, before he blew some sort of powder on her face.

-          Sorry, dearie, he said.

She blinked and watched him on confusion, before falling unconscious in his arms.  

*************

-          You _kidnapped_ a _teenage girl_ ?

-          Classy, mate.

-          Don’t start with me. She’ll be useful. I thought it’d be quicker than explaining the situation to her. We can’t afford to lose much time. 

-          We can’t just force her to come with us !

-          I think we already have.

-          Well, of course, _you_ ’d approve.

-          Well, say what you want, but Gold gets things done. He doesn’t wait around for hugs and unicorn to fix the problems.

-          Is that a dig at me ?

-          Guys, I think she’s waking up.

Wendy blinked as she felt the familiar wooden ground underneath her – within seconds, she knew she wasn’t home anymore. She shuddered when she remembered Gold coming to her, rendering her unconscious – she looked up to see the concerned faces of Snow White and her husband.

-          Are you okay ? David asked in worry.

-          Where am I ? she asked in fear. Why am I here ?

-          Well, this is going to be fun, she heard a dry, feminine voice say.

Wendy looked over the couple’s shoulders – she recognized faces she’d seen before in Storybrooke. Snow-White and her husband, David – their daughter, Emma, the Savior. She recognized Mr Gold, and Regina Mills, the Mayor, who looked quite irritated and impatient. Then, she spotted a familiar silhouette – she frowned :

-          Hook ?

The leather-clad man raised an eyebrow, cocking his head, and smiled :

-          Miss Darling, he said with a bow.

-          You two know each other ? Emma Swan said.

-          We do, Hook said, glancing at the Savior.

Wendy looked around once more – she recognized this boat. She was on the _Jolly Roger._ She stood up on shaky legs, Snow-White helping her up – fear appeared in her eyes as she realized that not only was she on the _Jolly Roger,_ she was in Neverland.

-          Why did you bring me here ? she asked, her voice trembling. Why –

-          It was a misunderstanding, David said, giving Gold a glare.

-          Let me explain it, Rumplestiltskin said briefly. Yes, we are in Neverland. An hour ago, two people took Henry – my grandson – and brought him here.

-          Henry ?

-          Yes. They’re working for Pan. Now, you know the island well. You’ve been there before. You can help us navigate it, and find Henry.

It was a little much for Wendy to process this quickly.

-          Pan took Henry ? she asked, feeling dizzy. Why ?

-          We don’t know, Regina said. And we don’t care. We just want him back.

-          Will you help us ? Snow White asked softly.

-          Of course she will, Gold said. She’ll do it – for Bae.

Seeing Emma’s confused look, Gold looked at her and said :

-          They were friends.

-          Where’s Bae ? Wendy asked, looking around, finding his absence a little odd.

Looks were exchanged, and Wendy felt a sense of dread in her stomach.

-          He’s dead, Emma said quietly, before crossing her arms and looking away.

-          Dead ?

Gold looked down at his cane, while Hook took a swig of his flask of rum. Emma remained silent, closed-off. Wendy stared at all of them, shaking her head, in denial – Baelfire couldn’t be dead. Not now – not while he finally had a son, a family – she couldn’t stand the idea…

-          No, she whispered, tears falling from her eyes.

-          What happened to Baelfire is a tragedy, Regina said, having the decency to look saddened. But for now, we need to save Henry. Will you help ?

-          Yes, Wendy said without hesitation. Of course – of course. I’ll do what I can to help you get him back. But…

She bit her lip, glancing at the others, her eyes falling on Hook for a second :

-          You have to know that… it’s harder leaving this island than it is getting on it.

-          We’ve been made aware, Snow said.

-          Because… Because Pan doesn’t… he doesn’t let people leave, Wendy added quietly. He never lets people leave.

_Neverland, long ago_

For a long time, the Darlings played the game. Days and weeks meshed together in Neverland – they were frozen in time, prisoners of this land, under Pan’s unshakeable rule. He took them as their own – took John and Michael as Lost Boys, and kept Wendy as his Wendy-bird. She was like a toy he wanted to play with from time to time. He’d ignore her for a while and then, suddenly, decide he wanted her to play. She guessed he thought that was another game.

One night, as her brothers had fallen asleep, Wendy cried. While most boys stopped crying after a while, Wendy had never stopped. Never stopped thinking of her parents, of her life back home. Yes, she had her brothers, but they weren’t free. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.

And it was all her fault, for following the Shadow here in the first place. If only she had listened to Bae…

-          I told you to stop crying.

She looked up from her knees, finding herself staring into Pan’s eyes – he had knelt down in front of her. She instinctively backed away, her back colliding painfully against the tree she had been leaning against. Pan only took this opportunity to get closer.

-          Why are you crying ? he asked. You have your brothers, don’t you ? Isn’t what you wanted ?

If it had been any other night, Wendy might have told him off, might have refused to answer him. But sometimes, she was simply tired of it. Sometimes, she’d indulge him easier than others.

-          I miss my home, she said quietly, bowing her head.

-          But your home is here, Pan said, lifting her chin up with his hand. Wendy. Wendy, your home is here. Don’t you like it here ? Adventures, fun. Isn’t this what you came to Neverland in the first place ? And now, you have your brothers, too. You should be happy.

-          Do you honestly believe I’m happy here ? Wendy asked in disbelief, glaring at him. Do you really think we’re having _fun_ ?  

-          Aren’t we ?

-          No, Wendy said, sniffling. No.

At this, Pan cocked his head, frustration obvious in his eyes. And then, with no warning, he flew away from Wendy.

He disappeared for a while and, then, one day, he came back. He found Wendy, took her hand, and said :

-          Come with me. I have a surprise for you.

Fearing the worst, but intrigued by his good mood, Wendy followed him through the Neverland forest. Soon, they came upon a treehouse that hadn’t been there before. Wendy tilted her head to look at it, giving Peter a quizzical look.

-          Come on, Peter said, climbing the ladder that came up to it. Come see !

Wendy was speechless when she saw the inside of the treehouse. There was an actual bed in it – white sheets with lace, pillows. There was a wardrobe that looked almost exactly like the one from the Darlings’ old bedroom. There was a window in the wall, without glass, but pale pink curtains hung in front of it, moved by the soft breeze of the island. Wendy looked down to see a soft rug on the floor – the room reminded her of her home. It was almost like Peter had tried to recreate it.

Grinning proudly, Pan opened his arms to gesture to the room, turning towards Wendy :

-          Do you like it ?

-          I… yes, Wendy answered honestly, too stunned to lie. Did you do this ?

-          Yes.

-          _Why_ ?  

That was the question that Wendy couldn’t find an answer to. Why would he do this ? What did he benefit from it ? Was this his way of trying to appease her ? But then again, she had been compliant for a while, and so had her brothers. She was puzzled.

-          You said you missed your old home, Peter said. So, I brought it here.

-          Peter…

-          I thought it’d be make you happy.

“Since when do you care about making me happy ?”, she wanted to cry out, but didn’t. He took a step forward, smiling, and he brushed his fingers against a stray lock of her hair.

-          That way, he said, you can sleep here, not down there, with the Boys. You won’t hear the cries, and you can stop crying.

-          Can my brothers come up here with me ?

-          If you want them to, Pan said. This is yours.

-          I…

Wendy couldn’t even wrap her mind around it. She kept searching for the ulterior motive, but couldn’t find one. The only reason she saw was assuring her compliancy.

-          Cat got your tongue, bird ? Pan said with a smirk.

-          Thank you, Wendy said, unable to think of anything else to say. 

-          See, Peter added, lowering his voice to a whisper. I can play nice, when I want to.

-          I – I guess you can.

-          Come back to camp with me ?

She couldn’t even believe he was asking. He usually took what he wanted, no questions asked. Quickly, she nodded, and she took the hand he extended once again.

Their tentative peace lasted for a while. Wendy took comfort in her new shelter, with her brothers and Pan never, ever intruded on it. When he came up, he always asked, and he never forced her to come down if she didn’t want to. It was an unexpected, pleasant sort of freedom, and Wendy revelled in it.

Of course, it couldn’t last.

One day, Pan gathered everyone for an announcement at camp. He looked positively gleeful, like he often did at the sight of a new game.

-          There’s a newcomer on this island, he said with a grin.

-          A new boy ? somebody asked.

-          Better, Pan said with a wolfish grin. It’s a girl.

At this, Wendy looked up, and some gazes were drawn to her. She had been the first and only girl in Neverland. Everybody knew it. Peter glanced at her, still smiling :

-          But she’s not like our Wendy-bird, he said. She’s a fairy. A fallen fairy, without wings. Here, in Neverland. And I want her found and brought to me. _Now_.

Wendy was intrigued. A fallen fairy, in Neverland ? She guessed that she had stumbled here, instead of being brought here by the Shadow. She feared what Pan could possibly want with her, and already wondered if there was a way the fairy could help her brothers and her. She decided she would search for her as well – perhaps for her own purposes. But her search from the day was unsuccessful.

When Wendy came back to her treehouse, that evening, she found her brothers huddled up in a corner, but they weren’t alone. Curled up against the wall was the small frame of a woman dressed in green clothes, blonde curls falling on her face – she was asleep. Wendy’s eyes widened as she rushed towards her brothers.

-          We found her here, Michael whispered.

-          It must be the fairy, Wendy murmured in awe, admiring the soft features of the young woman. I thought she’d be smaller…

-          Are we going to tell Pan she’s here ? John asked.

-          No ! Wendy said. No – no. Let’s wait until she wakes up, and we’ll see.

-          He won’t be happy about this, John stated quietly.

-          Let me deal with Pan, Wendy said with more confidence than she felt.

The fairy didn’t wake up before a while, and the Darlings stood guard in front of her. When she began to stir, Wendy knelt down at her side, and watched as the fairy’s eyes opened, revealing her big, bright eyes. Fear soon overtook them as she noticed the Darlings, and she backed up against the wall :

-          Don’t be afraid, Wendy said immediately. You’re safe here.

-          Is this your house ?

-          Yes, Wendy answered.

-          I just wanted a place to rest – I’ve been running for days…

-          It’s all right, Wendy reassured her kindly.

-          Who are you ?

-          I’m Wendy Darling. And these are my brothers, John and Michael Darling. What’s your name ?

-          Tinkerbell.

The name was said with pride, a fierce confidence, and Wendy smiled at her.

-          Are you the fairy ? she asked in awe.

-          You know about me ?

-          Yes. We were told a fairy without wings was here, in Neverland. That’s you, isn’t it ?

-          Yes. It’s me.

Tinkerbell stirred, and John and Wendy helped her up. Wendy rushed to close the window curtains, afraid Pan might catch a glimpse of the fairy if he flew by.

-          I heard tales of this place, Tinkerbell said, wrapping her arms around herself. Tales of wonder, of dreams – but this is nothing like I thought. Since I came here, shadows have been chasing me, mermaids have tried to drown me, vines have tried to strangle me…

-          Neverland is not a good place, John told Tinkerbell, shaking his head.

-          Why did you come here ? Wendy asked.

-          I… I was looking for pixie dust.

-          But you’re a fairy, Michael said.

-          Not anymore, Tinkerbell said, a trace of bitterness in her sweet voice. My wings were taken from me. Nobody believes in me anymore. Back where I come from – I snatched some pixie dust but… I can’t make it work. I heard there was some, here, and I thought, maybe…

-          You shouldn’t have come here, Wendy said, sighing heavily, wincing in compassion. Now, you can never go back home.

-          I don’t have a home to go back to.

Those words hurt Wendy more than she wanted to admit. Because after all, she, too, had no home to go back to. She had no idea how much time had passed in her world. Her parents were probably dead. She shook the thought away, and said :

-          But there’s no pixie dust in Neverland. Not anymore… there used to be, long ago, but… the fairies are gone. They – they disappeared.

-          Disappeared ?

-          Yes. I don’t know how – they just did.

The fairies had disappeared, just like the flowers had lost their color, and the sun had lost its brightness. Days were shorter, nights longer, and it was only getting worse.

-          Then I came for nothing, Tinkerbell realized, her voice dropping to a pained whisper. I’ll never be a fairy again.

-          No ! Wendy said, shaking her head. You mustn’t think that. You have to keep believing !

She stopped talking, realizing how much she sounded like Pan in that instant. The idea that his way of thinking might rub off on her was worse than anything she could imagine.

-          But what am I going to do ? Tinkerbell whispered. I’m powerless, and this island won’t give me a moment’s rest.

-          That’s because Pan wants to find you, John said.

-          Who’s Pan ?

Oh, what Wendy would have given to be this blissfully ignorant again ! To be honest, she couldn’t even remember a time where she hadn’t known who Pan was. He was such an integral part of her life, now…

-          He’s the King of Neverland, Michael said sadly.

-          He’s powerful, Wendy continued. And dangerous.

-          Why does he want to find me ? Tinkerbell asked in confusion.

-          Because you’re in Neverland, now, John said.

-          And he considers everything here _his_ , Wendy added, unconsciously echoing Hook’s words to her, from a long time ago.

-          I don’t belong to anyone, Tinkerbell said, lifting her chin.

Wendy’s stomach twisted, when she remained a time where she had been this defiant, this certain of herself. Even now, this rebellious side was still very much a part of her, only subdued by the rules Pan had inflicted upon her brothers and her.

-          Tinkerbell, you have to take him seriously, Wendy said. He’s very dangerous. He won’t let us leave – he won’t let anybody leave. Him and his Shadow – they rule Neverland.

-          He’s holding you prisoners ?

-          Yes. Us – and other children.

-          That’s monstrous ! Tinkerbell exclaimed, outraged. He can’t do that – he can’t hold children captive … he has to be stopped !

Tinkerbell’s righteous anger was like a balm on Wendy’s heart. For so long, now, she hadn’t heard a word spoken against Pan, even from her brothers, who, like her, were too afraid he might hear. She smiled, and said :

-          For now, focus on staying safe. Stay alive. Stay out of his grasp.

-          I wish I could do that, Tinkerbell answered, her shoulders dropping. But I keep getting lost here – it’s like everything changes constantly to trap me. If only I still had my wings…

-          You can stay here, Wendy said. Stay in the treehouse – until you figure it out. Pan won’t find you here.

John and Michael threw glances at Wendy. Of course, she knew it wasn’t a good idea, and that there would be consequences if Pan found out. But she couldn’t let the fairy go back into the wild – not when they were on the same side. Perhaps together, they could find a way off the island.

Tinkerbell smiled, her face lighting up, as though she hadn’t been offered kindness for a while.

-          Thank you, she said.

Wendy had to admit she was, secretly, getting a thrill out of cheating Pan. For once, she was a few steps forward. He kept searching the island for the fallen fairy, and had no idea the Darlings were the ones hiding her, in the safety of the treehouse. At times, she felt guilty for cheating him, especially since he’d been more respectful of her since he’d built her the treehouse. But then, she remembered he was holding them captive, under the threat of locking them in cages if they refused to comply, and her guilt flew away.

She knew the treachery wouldn’t last forever. But she kept it going.

One day, before nightfall, she returned to find Felix, and other boys, standing in front of the ladder. Immediately, she felt her heart skip a beat, and had to keep herself from gasping out in fear. Pan knew.

-          Hello, Wendy-bird.

She turned to find him there, hands on his hips, facing her, a preying smirk on his face and a terrible look in his eyes. Wendy shuddered.

-          You look guilty, he said. Now, why might that be, I wonder.

-          What have you done ? she asked. Where are John and Michael ?

-          Up there, Pan said, pointing to the treehouse. Don’t worry, Wendy-bird – it’s a safe place. A safe place to _hide_. Isn’t it ?

Wendy took a deep breath :

-          Peter…

-          You lied to me, Peter said, leaning forward to glare at her, his body almost brushing against hers.

-          I didn’t lie, Wendy said, trying to remain composed. You didn’t ask me anything.

-         _Don’t. play. with. me._

-          I thought you liked games, Wendy talked back despite herself. 

Peter’s chest heaved and for a second, she was afraid he might actually slap her, but he didn’t. His fists remained clenched at his sides.

-          Oh, I do, he sneered. I have a game for you, Wendy-bird. It’s called : “How long can I keep you in a cage without getting bored ?”

Wendy felt like crying. She winced, pursing her lips, refusing to beg or cry out. She simply stood there as Peter glared at her, before motioning to the boys, who soon came to seize her.

-          Wait, she said suddenly. What did you do to her ? What did you do to Tinkerbell ?

Peter looked at her, and laughed :

-          I gave her to the mermaids ! he answered.

-          No ! Wendy said, horrified.

-          Oh calm down, she’ll be fine. The game is just starting, Wendy-bird. But you’re going to sit on the sidelines for this one.

 

Tinkerbell survived – but from that day on, her heart hardened. That’s what Neverland did to hope, under Pan’s rule – the fairy learned to survive, and looked out for herself only. The Darling’s help hadn’t been enough.

Peter kept Wendy in the cage for a rather short while. He’d come talk to her sometimes, bring her food, letting her out so she could sleep in her treehouse. He stood guard so she wouldn’t run away, and lead her back to the cage in the morning. He told her brothers they had to be good if they wanted her to get out. Wendy was sickened by the whole thing, and refused to let on how horrified she was by her situation. She didn't want to make her brothers feel worse. It was hard enough for them already. 

Eventually, one morning, just before the sun came up, he came up to the treehouse to wake her. She thought she was going to get back to the cage, but instead of leading her there, he led her to the shore, on the beach.

-          Look, he said quietly. The sun is going to rise. Have you ever seen the sun rise in Neverland ?

-          A few times, Wendy answered, confused, scared of another game.

-          It’s better from here. Right in this spot.

Slowly, he put an arm around Wendy’s shoulders, drawing her right in front of him. He pointed at the colors on the horizon, and whispered in her ear.

-          Look.

Wendy wanted to ask questions, but she didn’t – she did as he said, and watched the sunrise. He was right – from that spot on the beach, the sky seemed ablaze with flames of purple, red and blue. It was like an artist was painting the sky.

-          Are you going to put me back in the cage? she asked quietly, facing the horizon, a tremble in her voice.

-          No, Peter answered softly. Not today.

His arm slipped around her waist from behind, his hand resting on her stomach, and Wendy froze. He was holding her – holding her like a lover would. She didn’t understand _why_. She never understood his sudden surges of kindness, gentleness, because they often meant he would be even more vicious when it was over. This was probably part of a game whose rules evaded her. 

-          I know you want to leave, he murmured in her ear, his voice somber. But I can’t let you, Wendy. I _can’t_.   

Before she could say more, he let go of her and flew into the woods. Her hands shook for minutes after his departure. 

If Wendy remained confused, her brothers certainly weren’t. Seeing their sister in a cage for days had hardened their hearts, made them even more determined than ever to leave.

-          We’re not staying here, they told her, that night in the treehouse. We’re going to leave, Wendy – whatever we have to do, we’re not staying here. We’ll kill him if we have to.

Wendy wasn’t sure they could. She wasn’t sure she wanted to.

But she did want to leave.

After some time had passed (it was hard to tell how much), Wendy found Tinkerbell again. She was different – rougher, harsher. Her clothes were darker, and she had lost that twinkle of hope in her eyes. When she saw Wendy, she lowered down the weapon she held with a grit of her teeth.

-          Wendy, she said in recognition. Didn’t think I’d see you again.

-          Tinkerbell ! Wendy breathed in surprise. You’re alive !

-          Tink. It’s Tink.

-          I thought you were dead.

-          I almost died. But I’m better now. I can handle myself better.

-          How do you survive, out here ?

-          I have my ways.

-          Tink, I need your help, Wendy said immediately. Please – if you know a way off this island…

-          I don’t, Tink cut her off. Besides, I don’t want to leave.

-          You – you don’t ?

-          Why do I have left back where I came from ?

-          But we want to leave, Wendy insisted. My brothers and me.

-          Wendy, I can’t, Tink said, her voice softening slightly. I appreciate that you tried to help me – but I don’t know how to leave this place. Even if there was a way, Pan would stop you.

-          Tink, please, Wendy begged. Please.

-          I can’t help you, Tink snapped. I just want to be left alone. Do you think I don’t know how dangerous Pan is ? Do you think I’m going to cross him for you ?

Wendy looked down, gritting her teeth, desperation growing with each second :

-          But you were a fairy, weren’t you ? Wendy insisted. When I was young, I used to read about fairies. I read that they were kind, helpful ! They helped those in need ! 

Tinkerbell looked away, her chest heaving under the weight of her guilt, and she sighed.

-          He put me in a cage, Tink, Wendy whispered. And he’ll put me in it again, or one of my brothers, when he feels like it. I can’t live like this – I have for too long. Please.

-          I don’t know any way out, Wendy, Tink answered, sorrow in her eyes. I’m sorry. But I… _fine_. I’m going to tell you something – and that’s all. You do what you want with it – I can’t help you more.

-          Thank you, Wendy said fervently. Thank you, Tink.

-          All right. You know that mermaids can travel between realms, right ?

-          Yes, the girl answered. 

\-         There's a mermaid in Neverland. I ran into her – she traveled from the realm I came from. She’s looking for her sister. She’s rather powerful – she’s a sea princess of some kind. Maybe she can help you escape.  

-          Thank you, Tink. Thank you so much…

-          Breathe a word of this to Pan…

-          I won’t, Wendy said, a hopeful smile on her face. Thank you – thank you Tink !

-          Wait, Tink said, grabbing Wendy’s arm. Do something for me in exchange. Please. If it works.

-          Anything.

-          If she takes you back to her realm, you have – you have to find a way to get some pixie dust back to me. Please.

-          I’ll do everything I can. I promise.

-          All right. Now, go – go before he finds out you talked to me. He wouldn’t be happy.  

Wendy hugged Tinkerbell, who froze before responding with a roll of her eyes, then ran away into the woods.

It was Michael who found the mermaid. At first, she refused to help. She was here to look for her sister Ariel, nothing more. But when the boy mentioned his sister’s name, the mermaid recognized the girl who had helped her on this island, long ago, while she had been lost.

The mermaid was none other than Aquata. 

She told Michael of a magic her father, King of the Sea, only possessed – something that could allow humans to breathe underwater for a day. She told Michael she would find it, and come back to fetch the Darlings. Aquata would get them to her realm, where they were sure to find help back to their home, if they so desired.

Wendy couldn’t even believe it. They were going to leave – a part of her thought it would fail, thought Pan would find out, lock them up so they couldn’t get away. She couldn't even sleep at night anymore. 

One thing kept nagging at her : Bae. The friend they had come here to rescue, the one she hadn’t seen in so long – was he even alive ? She hadn’t dared breathed a word of him to Pan, but if Aquata kept her word and came back for them, she couldn’t leave without, one last time, trying to find Bae.

One evening, as the boys danced around the fire to the music of Pan’s flute (music that she still couldn’t hear, not after all these years), she gathered her courage and went to sit next to him on his log.

They hadn’t spoken since the day he’d taken her to see the sunrise and released her from her punishment. As she sat next to him, he stilled slightly, and pulled the instrument from his lips. The boys kept dancing anyway.

Peter looked at Wendy, the fire reflected in his dark orbs. He said nothing, but his gaze held refrained questions.

-          Peter, she said softly. Would you allow me to ask you something ?

She was being as polite, as compliant as she could – that seemed to get his attention. He sat up, straightening his shoulders.

-          Maybe, he said. What do I get in exchange ? 

-          Whatever you want from me, she answered. Just tell me what you want.

His expression shifted at this, as though he was tempted. She almost feared what he would ask, but she told herself that if the mermaid kept her promise, she wouldn't have to indulge him much longer. Pan kept his intense gaze on her face, thoughtful, then said :

-          I want you to sit next to me. Right here – every night when we eat. I don’t want you to sit alone, or with your brothers. I want you _here_.

This wasn’t the request Wendy expected, and as far as Pan’s demands went, it was a rather tame one. She missed the possessive fire in his eyes as he asked. 

-          Agreed, she said. I can do that.

-          What’s your question ?

Wendy took a deep breath, and asked :

-          Can you tell me what happened to Baelfire ?

Pan’s gaze darkened, as though the question irritated him deeply.

-          Why do you want to know ? he asked in a low voice.

-          I need to know, Wendy said. We came back here for him – I can’t let go of that until I know if he’s alive or not.

-          Why do you care so much about that _boy_ ? 

-          Because he’s my friend ! I love him. 

The effect of those words of Pan was astounding. Before her eyes, Wendy saw his whole face change, from wonder to confusion, to distaste, to a vindictive form of hatred.

-          _Love_ , he repeated, almost spitting out the word.  You _love_ him.

Wendy felt a tremor go through her body, unsettled by Pan's peculiar reaction. He looked at her scornuflly, as though she had offended him personnaly. 

-          _Why_ ?

She didn’t understand why he asked, nor why he seemed to be waiting for her answer with an impatient anger.

-          Because he was good, and kind-hearted, she said softly. He was always sweet and considerate to him. He sacrificed himself to save my brothers. How could I not love him ?

Pan looked away from her harshly, as though her words were unbearable to him. He rubbed his hands together, his knuckles white, and finally said :

-          Mermaids got him. They dragged him under water.

Wendy felt the color be drained from her face, and she opened her mouth with no sound coming out.

-          He – he’s dead ? she murmured.

Pan didn’t answer. He wasn’t lying – mermaids had tried to drown Baelfire, some time ago. The boy had survived, but Peter didn’t tell Wendy that. Still, as he looked at her teary face, he gulped and said :

-          Don’t cry. Don’t. It’s useless. What’s done is done.

-          But…

-          Forget him, Wendy. There’s nothing you can do for him anymore. Do you hear me ? _Forget. Him._

Wendy wanted to shout and tell him that no, she wouldn’t, that she wouldn’t ever forget her friend, or her family, or everything that had happened because of Pan, but she didn’t. They were too close to freedom, now. So she kept her rage inside, boiling, a fuel for her upcoming run for freedom, and remained quiet. Pan said nothing, watching her face while she stared at the ground in anguish, trying to hold the tears she wanted to shed for Bae.

Sweet, kind, wonderful Baelfire.

-          Do you remember that time I showed you the pixie tree ? Pan said suddenly.

Wendy didn’t know why he was bringing that up, now of all times, and she couldn’t keep the bite from her voice as she answered :

-          The fairies are gone, Peter. They’ve left.

-          They’ll come back.

-          I pray for them that they don’t, the girl snapped.

And then, she stood up, hid beside a tree, far away from the fire, and let her tears fall.

The next days, waiting desperately for Aquata to return, Wendy bit back her torment. In the evening, she’d leave her brothers to sit with Peter, next to him, on his log. Peter looked highly satisfied by this. The boys seemed happy to see more of Wendy.

-          Look at them, Peter mused to her, chuckling quietly. So doting on their mother.

Wendy said nothing, eating her berries quietly.

-          If you’re their mother, it makes me their father, he added, looking at the boys with a thoughtful look on his face. You for the sentiment, the care – and me for the discipline.

-          You’d make a terrible father, Peter, Wendy said.

Instead of offending him, this seemed to amuse him greatly, for he let out a roar of laughter :

-          I guess I would, he said. Good thing I’ll never have children.

-          Indeed, Wendy murmured.

-          I’m not their father, I imagine, he continued. No. I’m their _King_.

He sharply turned to Wendy :

-          Don’t you think so ? he asked proudly.

Wendy closed her eyes for a moment. She felt as though she was going to vomit.

-          Yes, Peter, she said. You are.

He looked pleased by her answer. He licked his lips, and turned his gaze back to the boys, leaning towards Wendy after a moment, murmuring :

-          Don’t you think all kingdoms need a queen ?

She gave him a pointed look, her lips parting in revulsion. She didn’t know what he was playing at – if he somehow expected her to be his new toy, the mother to his father. Perhaps this was a new game of his, a way to quiet down her rebellious spirit : maybe he had suddenly decided that he wanted her to be loyal to him. She didn’t care. She hated him too much in that moment to analyze his motives.

-          Only if she’s here to behead the King, she replied bitterly. 

Peter looked at her, his eyes widening, and his expression shifted into something between scorn and admiration. The second one won out (or perhaps he was simply in a good mood), because he laughed again :

-          Oh, Wendy-bird, he said. You’re always so very _entertaining_.

“I won’t entertain you for much longer”, she thought fiercely.

And she didn’t.

The next day, Michael grabbed John and her and they ran through the island, ran as though the devil himself was chasing them. Aquata, older, filled with a subdued elegance she had lacked during her last meeting with Wendy, waited for them on shore. Quickly, she grabbed a red seashell, and blew inside. A blue, glimmering powder suddenly clung to the Darlings and the mermaid took them with her, engulfing her into the sea. It took Wendy hours before she realized they had succeeded.

The Darlings weren’t a day in the Enchanted Forest before the curse hit, and they were transported back into the world they had come from, their minds filled with false memories, prisoners of yet another magical cage.

 

_Neverland, present day_

Quietly, on the edge of the boat, Wendy admired the dark sea – the sky was black, with no stars, and the waves shimmered with the color of ink and occasional white. It almost hurt to look at.  It brought up too many memories for her.

-          Glad to be back, love ?

Wendy turned to face Hook – his face was a mask of charm, but she could recognize the haunted look in his eyes.

-          I wouldn’t say that, Wendy said. I spent far too much time here already.

-          You and me both.

-          Do you remember how it used to be ? Wendy said, her gaze distant, sorrow in her voice. Neverland used to be so full of light, so full of color. And now, it’s … night. Always, night.

There was a knowing glint in Hook’s eye as he nodded.

-          I remember, he said quietly.

-          When I first came here, everything was so radiant, the young woman continued wistfully. The trees, the flowers, the sea – the sunlight was golden. It was like a fairy tale. But then, the second time I came, it was… different. It never stopped getting darker.

-          The second time you came, aye ?

-          Yes, Wendy said, glancing at Hook.

-          Funny, the pirate said. I think it started the first time you came here, lass.

Wendy frowned :

-          What ? she said. What do you mean ?

-          I think I know what he means.

Wendy turned, and Hook rolled his eyes – Rumplestiltskin was standing behind them, leaning on his cane, watching them. The two men glared at each other – across the boat, gazes drew towards them, in apprehension of a confrontation between them.

-          What’s going on ? Emma asked, walking towards them. You two aren’t going to be a problem, are you ?

-          Not yet, anyway, Hook said. We were just… talking.

-          About what ? David asked, frowning, looking concerned for Wendy’s sake.

-          The girl, Rumplestiltskin said.

-          She’s got a name, _mate_ , Hook said between gritted teeth.

-          What _about_ the girl ? Regina asked, looking impatient. I thought we brought her here because she knows the island more than us. That’s what you said, Gold. _Wasn’t it_ ?

-          Yes, Gold answered, sounding irritated. But you’ve read the story, haven’t you ? _Peter Pan._ Wendy Darling.

At the mention of her name being in a story book, Wendy couldn’t shake the feeling of uneasiness, of disbelief she got whenever she thought about that. Emma raised her eyebrows in disbelief :

-          Of course I know the story, she said. I’m surprised _you_ ’ve taken the time to read children stories.

-          Belle likes books, Gold said shortly, giving Hook a little glare, to which the pirate had the good sense not to respond to.

-          But it’s not like the children’s stories are fully true, Snow intervened. I mean, I’ve read some – and the whole story isn’t there.

-          Yeah, Emma said. I don’t remember the part about Peter Pan being a bloodthirsty monster.

-          But they have a basis in reality, Gold said. I thought the girl could be useful. Sounds like, I was right, he added, gesturing towards Wendy.

-          I don’t – I don’t understand what you’re saying, Wendy said, getting frustrated.

-          He’s saying he thought you might be Pan’s weakness, Hook cut her off, sighing. And he’s right.

-          What ? Wendy said, her eyes widening. No – you’re wrong. He doesn’t have any weaknesses.

-          Everyone does, Gold said.

-          No – no, Wendy protested. No – I said I would help you find Henry, and I will, but…

She was smart enough to know who she was with on this boat. Rumplestiltskin, whom she’d heard enough stories about to fill three books, The Evil Queen, who had cursed them all in the first place, and Hook, who wasn’t above using treachery to get what he wanted. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that if they thought she could be used against Peter, they would do it. Instinctively, she gravitated towards the others – David, Snow-White, and Emma. David put a protective arm on the girl’s shoulders and said :

-          Hey. Leave her alone, all right ? She’s a teenage girl.

-          She’s actually older than you, mate, Hook remarked.

-          What’s your angle, here ? Emma asked, narrowing her eyes at Gold. Make a trade ? Use her as bait ?

-          Now why would you assume I have an angle, miss Swan ?

-          You _always_ do.

-          I’m simply pointing out the obvious, Rumplestiltskin said.

-          But you’re wrong, Wendy said, shaking her head. I’m not Pan’s weakness – how could you even believe that ? she asked, turning to Hook in disbelief. You know him too, you know how he is !

-          Aye, Hook said.

-          And besides, she continued, turning to Gold. It’s _you_ he fears ! He told me. He didn’t want you to know he was in Storybrooke.

-          Ah, so he was in Storybrooke, Gold said, a triumphant gleam in his eyes. I knew it.

-          Pan was in Storybrooke ? Hook said in surprise.

-          Yes, Wendy said. He – he was cursed, like us. But he went back – back to Neverland.

-          You knew all this ? Emma said.

-          Yes – but I didn’t know he would take Henry, I swear, Wendy said, turning to the woman with begging eyes. I just wanted him to go – to leave me and my brothers alone. If I’d known he was going after Henry, I would have told someone – you have to believe me.

-          We believe you, Wendy, don't worry ! Snow assured her. 

-          Now, hang on, Hook said, his eyes falling on Wendy again. You’re saying Pan went back to Neverland ? He told you he went back, and he didn’t try to take you with him ? Given his _very charming_ personality, I find that very hard to believe.

Wendy felt like she was being put on the spot : it had been hard enough for her to confess everything to Baelfire, her friend, but all those people were strangers, except for Hook. And she could hardly consider him a friend.

-          Why would he want to take her back ? Emma asked, looking from Wendy to Hook.

-          You don’t know Pan, Hook said. I do. He chased her for a long time on this island. And he never lets anyone go if he doesn’t want to.

-          He let you go, Emma observed.

-          Only because I made a deal with him. And I wasn’t one of his little crew. She was.

-          He … he tried to take me back here, Wendy said, her voice small and hesitant. He wanted to take us back – my brothers and I. 

Gazes turned to her once again, and she wished she hadn’t spoken at all. 

-          How did you stop him ? Snow asked.

-          I – I made a deal with him, Wendy confessed. To come with him, if he left my brothers alone. He agreed, but when it was time to leave, he just… disappeared.

A silence followed her declaration. Hook raised a disbelieving eyebrow :

-          He let you out of the deal ? he said. That doesn’t sound like Pan. At all.

-          I don’t know what happened, Wendy said honestly. I don’t – I really don’t…

-          This is going nowhere, Regina said, rolling her eyes. The girl is useless.

-          She’s not useless, Hook said, shaking his head, looking at Wendy seriously. _Trust me._

-          If any of you intend to trade her for Henry, you’re crazy if we think we’re going to let you, Snow-White said, shaking her head.

-          Wouldn’t work, anyway, Hook commented. If he can have his way, he’ll take her and keep Henry.

-          Nobody’s taking anybody, Emma said firmly. Pan isn’t taking her, nor is he going to keep Henry. All right ?

Everybody seemed to quiet down at Emma’s commanding tone. She clenched her jaw, threw a glance at Wendy, then turned to Hook.

-          Why are you saying she’s Pan’s weakness ? Do you know something we don’t ?

Hook glanced at Wendy, who stared at him quizzically, speechless. She was surrounded with so many people, powerful people who were talking about her as though she was an object, and she wasn’t even sure she understood why. She wanted to rescue Henry – how could she not, when the sweet boy was her dear friend Baelfire’s son ? But if they planned to use her against Pan, as a bait, as a tool, she wouldn’t stand for it.

-          I don’t know much, Hook admitted, tearing his eyes away from Wendy to look at Emma. I only know this : when I first came to Neverland, it didn’t look like that. It was bright. It was like a dream. There were long days, short nights – it was a dangerous place, but it wasn’t like so full of darkness. It all changed the day _she_ arrived.

Wendy’s eyes widened in incredulity, and she scoffed :

-          Me ? she exclaimed. I didn’t do anything !

-          You didn’t need to, love, Hook said. I don’t know if it’s a coincidence, or more, but it’s true. And I know that when I mentioned it to Pan, he almost gutted me with my own hook.

_Neverland, a long time ago_

Hook had never been a foolish man, even when he had been naïve, obedient Killian. So when Wendy Darling, Pan’s latest prisoner, had spent the night on his ship, he knew there were bound to be consequences. He’d feared Pan before, of course, but that night where the Lost Boys and their leader came to the _Jolly Roger_ , ready to play, was the moment that would seal Hook’s opinion on Peter Pan. 

He wasn’t to be crossed.

When Hook came out of his quarters, in the dark of night, he found most of his crew gagged and bound, with only laughing boys for captors. His hand went to retrieve his sword, but something flew above him, distracting him for a moment.

-          I wouldn’t if I were you, Killian, Pan said in a sing-song voice, sitting on top of the deck.

-          Pan, Hook said, keeping his composure. I knew I’d get a visit from you.

-          Well of course ! Given how easily you extend your hospitality, it would have been rude for me not to come. After all, we’re friends, aren’t we ?

-          Of course we are.

\-          Then don’t touch what’s _mine_.

Peter’s playful demeanor had changed as quickly as the wind, and he turned into the devilish, dangerous boy Hook had come to know.

-          Far from me to meddle with your affairs, Hook said, keeping a straight face. But I thought the situation called for an intervention.

-          You thought it your _place_ ?

Hook sighed, not fancying such a conversation with the boy. He motioned for Pan to come closer. The boy, brow furrowed, anger on his face, was intrigued enough to comply. He landed close to Hook, his arms crossed, leaning in to listen.

-          Listen, mate, Hook said quietly, his eyes serious. There’s something happening to the island. I heard things. Mermaids, fairies – they say it’s because of _her_. I don’t fancy this place losing its magic – _I need it_ – and I don’t think you do either. So maybe it’s time the lovely Miss Darling went home.

Peter listened closely. When Hook stopped talking, he saw, from Pan’s twisted, deadly grin that his words had been a mistake. Pan was no longer a mischievous, nasty boy too powerful for his own good. The light of the moon shone pale on his face, and there was a twisted, sadistic darkness in his eyes.

He looked absolutely terrifying.

-          Oh, Killian, he said. I've always liked your knack for surviving - but not this time. 

He let out a roaring, icy laugh, throwing his head back, before grabbing Hook by the neck, his hand closing around his wrist, twisting it painfully so the pirate’s hook would be pressed against his own stomach. Hook let out a pained groan at the twisted muscle.

-          Don’t _ever_ touch Wendy again, Pan hissed in the pirate’s ear.

_Neverland, present day_

-          That’s not possible, Wendy protested, unable to believe Hook’s tale.

-          Just telling it like it was, love.

-          But – how could I affect the island? I don’t have magic – I don’t have any power.

-          Not over the island, Gold said, breaking his long silence. But you have power over Pan. 

The words hit Wendy hard (maybe because deep inside, she knew they were true), and she shook her head quickly.

-          The island is connected to Pan, Gold said. He’s connected to it. If Pan is affected by something, the island must be too.

-          No ! Wendy shouted, shaking her head violently. No – listen, I don’t know what you want from me, or what you’re planning to do, but no ! I will help you through the island, I’ll do what I can, but that’s all I’ll do ! I – no. _No_.

-          Calm down, Wendy, Snow said, trying to catch the girl’s eyes. We’re not asking anything else of you.

-          Excuse me ? Regina said, raising her eyebrows. If she can help us defeat Pan…

-          She’s a child !

-          To beat Pan, we’re going to have to get our hands dirty, Regina retorted.

-          Not to that cost !

-          Our Majesty is right, Gold said. You lot are going to have to get your hands dirty.

-          What do you mean, “you” ? Emma said, turning to face the man. I thought you were in this with us.

-          He already has no problems getting his hands dirty, Hook quipped.

Gold glared at him, but shook his head.

-          We’ll be parting ways here, miss Swan, I’m afraid.

-          What ? Emma exclaimed.

-          I have business to attend to. Business I will attend to, alone.

-          We agreed to do this together ! Regina protested loudly.

-          Actually, we made no such agreement, Gold said with a smirk. And this, I have to succeed at. We’ll meet again.

The man let go of his cane, which hit the ground with a thud. A draft of wind hit the sails and suddenly, Gold was gone.

-          How … Emma choked out, her eyes wide. 

-          This place runs on belief, Hook said with a sigh. Apparently, he’s got it in spades.

-          He also has magic, Regina said, More powerful than any of us. Even me, she admitted with a grit of her teeth.

-          We have to trust him, Snow said, trying to keep up a brave face. He wants to save Henry too – he’s his family.

-          He isn’t really the sentimental type, Emma said somberly.

-          Besides, magic isn’t all we’ve got, David said, obviously trying to give hope to his daughter. Wendy. Do you think you could lead up to Pan’s camp ?

Wendy swallowed, hesitating, then said :

-          Maybe. Things have changed since I’ve last been here – and Pan can… he can sense the island. He has eyes everywhere, almost – there’s a chance he’ll see us coming. The island is big – bigger than it seems.

-          But you know it well, don’t you ? Snow said.

-          Yes, I do, Wendy said softly. I have my marks.

-          Or, Regina said, taking a step forward, we can just find Henry with magic.

-          No, don’t, Wendy said, shaking her head. He’ll sense it even more – magic in Neverland is his. It could have consequences.

Regina sighed and rolled her eyes, but the others listened to her. And after a near-death experience at sea, during the boat was almost engulfed in the water, they finally hit shore, and Wendy, for the first time in years, laid her feet on the ground of Neverland.

 


	8. Of revelations and empty cribs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Wendy meet once more, on the ground of Neverland.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long-awaited .... Peter's background and point of view on certain things. Enjoy, folks.

_Neverland, present day_

The island was hard to navigate, harder than before. It was against them, this time, and the darkness didn’t help. Still, Wendy had a good eye, and they were able to travel through the Neverland woods pretty effectively, avoiding most of the island’s dangerous areas. But every time they got closer to Pan, he was further away. Wendy could feel it.

Maybe she felt it because she couldn’t stop thinking about Peter. What Rumplestiltskin and Hook had said about her being his weakness would have sounded crazy to her before, but now ? She found herself recalling all the times Peter had been clearly different with her than with the boys. She remembered James, and his love for her. She remembered how Peter, after the curse, had sought out her touch, her kiss, and had looked torn while she cried, before deciding to let her go.

She didn’t know if she truly was his weakness. But she knew he was very close to being hers.

And regardless, she did have power over Peter Pan. She didn’t know how much, she didn’t know if it still held true after he’d gotten back to Neverland for good, but she did. And the fact that she was holding out on that power while the group desperately searched for a lost little boy in the Neverland woods haunted her, plagued her with a guilt she simply couldn’t shake.

Peter came one night, while they were all sleeping, to give the Savior a map. Another game of his. Wendy never saw him. She wasn’t even sure how she felt about it, knowing that he had been right there, and that she hadn’t seen him.

(and yet, she was sure that she had heard his voice in her sleep, and felt his lips on her forehead…)

But the map didn’t work, for a good, long while. They fought off lost boys, led astray (Wendy didn’t recognize most of them). The map seemed useless, impossible to work out - until the Savior admitted who she really was.

An orphan.

-          We know where they are now, Regina said. We can go.

-          It won’t be that simple, Hook said. He’ll know we’re coming. We need a plan.

-          Fireballs usually do the trick, the Queen said.

-          Regina, Emma said. This island turns everything against us. The trees, the vines – you saw what happened when you tried to use magic on the map. We fell into a _trap_.

Regina scoffed, but said nothing, agreeing that Emma had a point. Wendy watched the others speak, wishing she could do more, wishing she could be more of use. She couldn’t even imagine what Henry was feeling, captured by Pan. She remembered the look on Bae’s face when he’d thought he was alone, abandoned on the island. It was almost unbearable to her.

-          You’ll never get Henry if Pan is there, Wendy said quietly. He’s too powerful.

-          Then what do you suggest we do ? Regina asked impatiently.

-          I’m saying you need to get Pan away from Henry. I can help you do that.

-          How ? Emma asked, narrowing her eyes.

-          Let me go, Wendy said. He’ll come find me – I can distract him long enough for you to get Henry back.

-          Wendy, Snow said, her eyes widening.

-          You said you didn’t want to be bait, Regina remarked dryly.

-          I know what I said, but this is the only way – if you let Henry stay with Pan too long, he’ll make him forget. He’ll make him forget his family. He’ll twist his mind. I can’t let him do that, not… not after what happened to Bae.

She saw Emma swallow hard. Hook glanced from the Savior to Wendy, shaking his head:

-          This is a bad idea, love, he remarked quietly.

-          For once, I agree with the pirate, Charming said.

-          I told you we were getting along.

-          But Pan is all-knowing, you said it yourself, Regina said. Won’t he know it’s a trick ?

-          I’ve tricked him before, Wendy answered.

-          If he gets you, you’ll be his prisoner instead of Henry, Hook said.

-          I’ll find a way to get away.

-          We’ll rescue you, if need be, Charming affirmed. We wouldn’t leave you here.

Wendy gave a tight smile – she believed them, but she also knew that their love for Henry trumped any protectiveness they felt for her. But she trusted herself, and herself only with Pan. She had enough belief, now, of the influence she could have over him.

-          Wendy, you’ll be in danger, Snow remarked.

-          I’m not a child, Wendy said. I can handle myself, I promise. It’s the only way to help Henry, right now.

Wendy glanced towards Emma – she had seen enough of the group’s behavior, during the last few days, to recognize that the blonde woman had grown to be the leader. And as Henry’s mother, she was sure to take the opportunity to save her son.

-          All right, Emma said, nodding quickly.

-          Emma, Snow breathed out, shaking her head.

-          It’s the only way to save Henry, Emma answered. And I say, we trust Wendy. She said it herself – she’s not a kid.

Wendy gave Emma a small smile, despite the fear that she felt. She was running towards the wolf’s mouth, but besides her nervousness, there was a desire to see Peter, to question him, and a sense of purpose at helping rescue Baelfire’s son.

So, as they reached Pan’s camp, Wendy parted ways with the others, recognizing her surroundings, and headed off towards her old treehouse, wondering if it was even still there.

It was.

And Peter Pan was sitting at the bottom of the ladder, waiting.

Her breath caught in her throat as she saw him. He wore his old, green clothes, but his skin was slightly pale as it glowed in the Neverland night. When Wendy appeared, he looked up, and even she couldn’t miss the emotion that spread over his face, even if he tried to hide it. He stood up – he had always seemed taller in Neverland – and for what seemed like an eternity, he stared at her.

-          They sent you here, he said after a moment, his voice slightly shaky.

Wendy didn’t try to lie.

-          Yes. They did.

He swallowed, his jaw clenching in anger :

-          Did they send you to distract me ?

-          No, she said. I came because they thought I could reason with you. Convince you to give Henry back.

At this, Peter scoffed :

-          What makes them think _you_ could convince _me_ ?

-          Because they say I’m your weakness.

Here was her strategy : to fool him, so he wouldn’t recognize the lies mixed with the truth. But she also wanted to see him react, to see him confirm or deny it. He furrowed his brow, crossed his arms and said :

-          Peter Pan doesn’t have weaknesses.

-          That’s what I told them.

Her reply made Peter smile proudly at her.

-          Good answer.

Wendy let out a shaky breath – she had imagined seeing him again many times in her mind, while she tried to banish him from it, without success. And now, there he was, and she found herself at a loss for words. He looked so mighty, so in sync with the land around him that in that moment, she felt like the foolish girl who had first arrived to the island so long ago, ignorant, naive. There was such a magnetism to Pan - she had always felt it, but never more than in that moment, where he looked at her, calculating arrogance in his dark gaze. 

-          What do you want with Henry Mills ? she asked after a moment.

-          Oh, I have great plans for him, Peter said with a smirk. He’s a special boy.

-          But he shouldn’t be here, Wendy insisted.

-          And why not ?

-          Because – because Henry has a family that cares for him – he’s not a lost boy !

Peter’s mouth twisted into a scornful smirk :

-          Yes, quite a family he has, he said. Do you mean the father who didn’t know he was alive a year ago, the “Evil Queen” mother who lied to him all his life and tried to make him believe he was crazy, or the mother who abandoned him and lied to him, over and over again ? Yes, it’s a wonder that boy hasn’t ended up in Neverland sooner.

Wendy fell silent at his words, feeling smaller and smaller by the second –where was this gentleness she had caught glimpses before ? Where was the power she had counted on ? Perhaps she had imagined it, and it had simply been part of an elaborate game, in which he won and she was left a fool. Peter noticed her expression quickly.

-          What ? he asked.

-          Why did you leave me back in Storybrooke ?

There it was : the question that plagued her ever since the last time she had seen him. Peter’s shoulders tensed up, and his usual mask fell, leaving behind surprise, regret, and vulnerability.

-          I was ready to go with you, Wendy continued, in a trembling voice. Then why did you leave ? What happened ?

-          Maybe I grew sick of you.

-          I don’t believe you.

-          What ?

-          I said, I don’t believe you, Peter Pan, Wendy said louder, shaking her head. I don’t believe a word of it. Tell me the truth, now. Tell me what made you change your mind.

Peter’s lip twitched. He looked unsettled, resentful, but Wendy didn’t break their shared gaze, determined to hold his attention for as long as she could.

-          Do I have to get it out of you, Pan ? she taunted dangerously. Do we have to play another round of Truth or Dare ?

-          _No_.

-          Then tell me. Tell me the truth, for once.

-          You didn’t want to come with me.

She had expected this answer, had hoped for it, but hearing it was still a blow to the heart. Peter swallowed, unnerved by his own admission, but Wendy didn’t stop pushing.

-          That never stopped you before.

-          I know it didn’t, Pan said shortly. But it did, this time. You were there, you were crying, and it _hurt me._

Wendy was breathless, and even Pan sounded stunned at his own words. He closed his mouth, looking away in frustration – he looked absolutely tormented.

-          It hurt you, she repeated softly. Why ?

-          I don’t know, he replied with a mixture of anguish and resentment. I don’t understand – I never understood why this happened. Why this kept happening…

-          Why “what” kept happening ? Wendy asked gently. Peter, you can tell me. Please, tell me.

He refused to look at her, looking torn – she bit her lip in hesitation, before taking a few steps towards him. His eyes widened as she laid a hand on his arm and instinctively, seeming out of his own power, one of his hands came to rest on hers. He closed his eyes, a shaky breath leaving his lips, and shook his head fervently.

-          Wendy, he whispered. Wendy…

He opened his eyes to look at her, his free hand cupping her cheek, and she fought the urge to lean into his touch.

-          Tell me, she said softly, hoping to appeal to him through gentleness. Peter…

He stroked her cheek, his expression somewhere between enchantment and torture. His gaze was on her lips, yearning, famished, and one of his fingers brushed against her mouth.

He’d missed her – that much was clear. Whether it was his body or his heart, Peter had missed her.

-          The night you came to see the Savior, she whispered. Did you talk to me, while I slept ?

-          Yes.

-          Why ?

-          I had to. I missed you.

Wendy couldn’t speak. His words, his touch made her feel dizzy, and she was torn between the desire to bury her face against his chest, or run away. He recognized the longing on her face, and he leaned down, his fingers still caressing her cheek.

-          Say you didn’t come just for Henry, he whispered. Say you came for me, too. I know you did, Wendy… say you did.

Wendy’s cheeks flushed, and her heart fluttered in her chest as she struggled between her pride and the truth. She could have said no – because she had come for Henry, wanted to save him, and had every intention of snatching him away from Pan.

Saying yes was the better option, of course, if she wanted to distract him, but to pretend that she was lying to him for the sake of her mission would have been a lie to herself. She would have lied to herself id she had pretended that in that moment, she didn’t want to be right here, underneath the Neverland trees, with Peter Pan.

-          I did, she murmured, closing her eyes. I – I missed you.

She realized in that moment that she hadn’t simply missed James, and what she saw of him in Pan.

She’d missed Peter.

His reaction didn’t disappoint. He lifted her chin up and captured her lips in a passionate kiss. He breathed her in like a man imprisoned, who hadn’t felt the draft of spring for years.

And she kissed him just as passionately, hiding behind the excuse of the distraction she was supposed to provide. As long as she could cling to it, she could push away the guilt.

Soon, his hand tangled in her hair and he broke the kiss, holding her, his other arm slipping around her waist. He pressed his lips to the top of her head, then leaned down to bury his nose in her hair.

-          Wendy, he murmured, the sound of his voice almost a sob. My sweet, sweet Wendy…

The need in his voice was enough to make her heart throb, and she buried her face against his chest, seeking comfort where she could. Her small frame fit comfortably against Peter’s tall silhouette, and he held her with the easiness only a relationship like theirs could provide. He kissed her head briefly, then brought his hands up to her cheek, cupping her face so she would look at him.

-          Stay in Neverland, he whispered, pressing a kiss to her lips again. Stay with me, Wendy.

Sorrow shot through her chest again and she closed her eyes, exhaling painfully : 

-          Peter…

-          I know, he said, speaking fervently. You don’t want to, now. But once I restore it – Wendy, it will be grand. It will be beautiful, like it was before. And then, Wendy, you’ll want to stay. Forever.

-          How are you going to restore it ? Wendy asked, looking up at him.

Peter gazed down at her for a moment, as though he was studying her face. His long fingers stroked her hair softly, brushing against her cheeks.

-          It’s not Henry Mills I need, he said finally. It’s his heart.

Baffled by this admission, Wendy blinked in confusion :

-          His heart ? she said. Why do you need his heart ?

-          Because he has the heart of the Truest Believer, Peter said. And I need it. To save Neverland.

-          Why do you need to save Neverland ?

At this, Peter gave a bitter, pained smile, and answered :

-          Because of you, Wendy. Because of _you_.

 

_Neverland, long ago_

 

When he was a baby, Peter Pan fell from his crib. He cried for hours before his mother noticed and picked him up.

There was something about that child, about his ears too big, his eyes too expressive, his cries too piercing, that made his parents draw away from him from the start. Soon, they wanted another child, to replace the one that had disappointed them.

Sad, unloved, the little boy flew away in his dreams, to the place children visited at night. And he found, as he started to grow up, that he never wanted to leave it. One morning, he refused to wake up, and decided to stay there.

But there was a spirit there. A Shadow, the spirit of the magical place, who eventually told the boy he couldn’t stay forever. So Peter Pan returned home, only to find out his parents had another child, and had changed his old bedroom into a library.

He had been forgotten.

He was too old, now, and the baby was nicer, sweeter, more interesting than him. The baby was loved, while, he, Peter, had nothing to attract the eyes, or the affection of his parents. They talked of the use Peter could have, now, of the school he would go to, the job he would have - but Peter didn't want any of it. He was fiercely against the idea. He didn't want to grow up, he didn't want to be cold, uncaring, like they were. His little heart couldn't take it. 

He returned to the magical realm of dreams. He wanted to stay here, and be a boy, forever. The Shadow told him that wasn’t possible. That the island was a place of dreams, not a place to live.

Peter still stayed. He grew older, until one day, he begged the Shadow to let him stay here, and remain a boy forever.  

The Shadow finally agreed. Told him he would never be older than a boy, and told him that in exchange, he needed to fuel the island’s magic with something very precious.

His heart.

Peter didn’t hesitate. He gave his heart. As long as he would remain devoted, body and soul, to the realm, the magic would operate, and the place could become a place to live. Peter agreed with no qualms, and called the place Neverland. It was his, now. He called it Neverland, the place nobody would ever, ever want to leave.

For a long time, Peter had fun with the children who came. They were mainly boys – Peter chased the girls away. He didn’t like girls – they made him think of the mother who had let him cry so often, so loud. But everytime, Peter’s playmates would leave, and Peter grew angry, lonely. Frozen in time, with the mentality of child with nobody to raise him, nobody to teach him anything, and no heart to guide him, Peter grew authoritative. He was more attached to his realm than ever, and soon, he made sure that every child who came to Neverland would never leave. He controlled Neverland wholly, and was at the source of its magic, now. He made sure the children forgot about their families. He made sure they stayed with him. He became greedy, cruel – but always playful, youthful. Fueled by magic and frozen in eternal youth, he was more god than child, and soon, he was the King of a magical realm, in control of everything, with absolutely nothing to threaten his power. The strength of his belief was enough.

He waved off every threat with a twist of his wrist, laughing, playing all the while. Nothing could touch his heart, safely kept inside Skull Rock, the original of all Neverland magic.

And then, one day, the Shadow brought Wendy Darling to Neverland.

It dawned on Peter slowly. From the start, he was that she was different from the Lost Boys. She didn’t listen to his orders. She was challenging, but there was something soft, delicate about her that called to a part of him long forgotten. He found himself gazing at her too long, or listening harder when her sweet little voice rose above the chorus of the boys’ laughter. He quickly noticed she seemed to have taken a liking to Felix, and it angered him. Felix was the closest thing to a friend he had among his playmates (he was a broken boy, just like him), and to see Wendy beam at him, seek out his company, tore at Peter’s heart. He disliked seeing her talk to Hook, as well. He wanted her to himself. Wanted her to play with him, to smile at him. He wanted her to seek _him_ out.

The trouble started there.

He felt it for the first time when he taught her to fly – as he held her, the awed look on her face, the light of her eyes, the perfume of her skin made him lose something about himself. For a moment, he’d forgotten his devotion to Neverland. When his feet touched the ground, he felt a cold draft in the wind. The island was reacting to his change of heart.

It scared him. He spent the night flying around, thinking, feeling something shift inside of him, and around him. He couldn’t let it happen.

The next day, when he saw Wendy asleep, so close to Felix, the ache in his chest only grew bigger, much to his displeasure. So he went and took his friend with him, in search of answers – they found the Shadow at Skull Rock. Unbendable, the Shadow told Pan that his heart needed to remain fully devoted to Neverland, or the magic would begin to descend into chaos, out of his control.

Pan rushed out of the rock, furious, disbelieving – it couldn’t. It was impossible that after all this time as the undefeated king of Neverland, he would be dethroned by a little girl. He was disgusted, appalled at the notion. He had understood the meaning behind the Shadow’s words.

_To give your heart to someone means taking it away from Neverland._

Did the Shadow insinuate that Peter Pan, the eternal boy, would actually give his heart to anyone ? That someone could ever be deserving of it ?

Giving his heart meant love, and that was an idea that offended Peter. Love meant growing up. And that was something he refused to do.

When Peter came back to the island, Wendy was on Hook’s ship. Peter felt his whole being tremble at the thought. Hook was an adult, that Pan had only let on the island as a foil to himself (and because Hook wanted to take care of a person that Peter didn’t feel like dealing with himself). But Peter was no fool – he knew that Hook was complete in ways Peter wasn’t, and it angered him to think that he could offer to Wendy something he couldn’t, even if he barely had a grasp of what it was.

When Wendy came back, he took out his anger on her. And, then, she lashed out at him. Telling her _she wanted to go home._

To Peter, it was foolish of anyone to want to go home, and he never took the cries of the children seriously. He found them ridiculous, silly, so easy to get rid of. To him, keeping them here was good for them, and he was too selfish, too childish to consider another option. But when Wendy shouted through the clearing that she wanted to go home, the words tore up Pan inside with rage and grief. He rebelled against the idea – how could she want to _leave_ ? What was lacking here that made her want to go home so badly ?

The idea that he, himself, could be the problem, was unthinkable to him. Wendy Darling left him in a constant state of confusion, in which he couldn’t even understand what he wanted from her, yet kept seeking it without realizing it.

He took the Lost Boys to fight the pirates. He felt a surge of grim satisfaction as he saw Felix’s face be grazed by the blade of one of them. Felix took the pain with no complaint, recognizing it as unspoken punishment. The look Pan and Felix exchanged as blood poured from Felix’s wound sealed their kinship forever.

And then, Hook spoke the words. Confirmed what the Shadow had said, and Peter hated, more than anything, having his weakness so overtly exposed, apparently so obvious that even Hook could see it.

 _Maybe it’s time the lovely Miss Darling went home,_ the pirate said. And while those words made Peter so angry that he wanted to rip the man apart for speaking them, he was also smart enough to recognize they were true.

That night, he hated Wendy Darling for the first time. Hated her for rendering his simple life complicated, hated her for challenging him, for pointing out that she had belonged in Neverland all too well. Hated her for making his whole body quiver at the thought of never seeing her again.

But Neverland was more important. His devotion to Neverland trumped any desire that pulled her towards the girl. So he sent her away, and didn’t think of her again. Things were back to normal.

At least, at first.

It was the glimmer of a fairy’s wings that first reminded him of Wendy. And then, it was the face of a mermaid, the sight of the _Jolly Roger_ ’s sails on the blue sea – he found himself missing the sight of her face, or the sound of her laugh. Even games couldn’t get her out of his mind, as he grew more and more frustrated.

Once again, Neverland began to change. Peter noticed it, as did the magical creatures. Peter went to the Shadow again in despair : he didn’t understand. He had sent her away, he had chosen Neverland, he had removed the problem. Why wasn’t it enough ?

It soon became clear to Peter that he needed to find another solution. So he took Felix with him and traveled to another realm, in search of answers. He found a Seer, who told him his answer lied in the Heart of the Truest Believer. She gave him a drawing of a boy, and told him he would need his heart to keep the Neverland magic going.

At first, Peter was affronted by the idea that he wasn’t enough for Neverland, anymore. But even his denial couldn’t stand long in the face of the inevitable : he saw the changes of the island, felt the transformations of his kingdom. He told himself that instead of a setback, a defeat, this was a new challenge, a new game he would have to win. So, he told the Shadow to search for the Truest Believer.

The Shadow thought it found it in London, in the face of Baelfire. That’s why it was sent back – Peter had never had any intention of coming back to get Wendy’s brothers. He didn’t want any reminder of her. The Shadow simply wanted Baelfire, and took him.

Of course, it was the wrong boy, who looked a lot like the child from the drawing, but Peter still believed he would find him. The Shadow continued to search, to bring more boys to the island. 

Meanwhile, Peter grew restless. He wanted Wendy back here – and he was used to getting what he wanted. He came to believe that perhaps he needed to have her here – if she truly held a piece of his heart, he could hardly give his whole heart to Neverland if she wasn’t in it, could he ? But mostly, he was selfish, so very selfish, and very certain of his invincibility. He sent the Shadow back for Wendy. It brought back the three Darlings and this time, Peter didn’t intend on letting them go.

He enjoyed chasing them. He saw it as a game, a game he enjoyed winning, over and over again. It allowed him to be close to her, but not too close – he couldn’t allow himself that, convinced that he didn’t want that. He could in a constant state of push and pull towards her – she intrigued him, impressed him at turns, but utterly angered him and frustrated him at the same time. He wanted her to be his, wanted her to comply to his rule but at the same time, seeing her defy him gave her a thrill, made him shiver with admiration.

The game was fun. But then, she almost got drowned by mermaids because she had run from him – he gutted one of sea creatures in punishment. He would have killed if any of the Lost Boys had been hurt, of course (because nobody was allowed to touch what belonged to Pan), but this time, the blood on his hands felt vindictive, like a release. He threw the limp body off the mermaid back into the sea without any hint of remorse or regret. 

Soon after that, Wendy found Baelfire. He saw her hug the boy, touch his cheek with her soft, delicate hand – and it awoke a fire he thought he had managed to smother. He tore her away from Bae, called off the game, resorted to threats. With no heart, no conscience, Pan hardly saw these acts as the monstrosities they were but he still knew it was unkind, selfish. And he didn’t care.

Because how dare she, how dare she refuse him, time and time again ? He was the King of Neverland – he held a power that was hardly matched in all the realms and yet, she didn’t give him the time of the day. She didn’t respect him, she didn’t like him, she ran from him – it drove him mad, threatening to make him question himself, which was something that Peter Pan refused to do. 

His agitation brought deeper changes to Neverland. He knew that, as the Truest Believer seemed further and further away, that he needed to soothe his heart to seep magic back into the island. Before he lost control of it.

He tried to understand why she wasn’t happy here, with _him_. She told him she missed her home. So he tried a different way – he tried kindness. He built her a treehouse.

For a while, things were calmer between them, and Pan was content. He was satisfied with things as they were. 

Until Wendy betrayed him.

He’d trusted her, he’d given her what he never gave anyone else – something that was hers only, a place that didn’t belong to him, here, in Neverland – and she’d used it to trick him so she could hide a stupid little fairy. Pan felt angry, he felt foolish for letting himself be so soft, so unlike himself. Peter Pan didn’t compromise, not for her, not for _anyone_.

While seeing her ache like a caged bird brought him a sadistic satisfaction at first, soon, it became painful for him to look upon. He freed her, and tried to bring back the peace they’d briefly reached by taking her to see the sunset.

-          I know you want to leave, he’d told her as he held her close, breathing in the sweet scent that made him long to be more than he was. But I can’t let you, Wendy. I _can’t_.  

Because he couldn’t. Because when she wasn’t with him, he grew agitated, restless. He felt unhappy, pained, and Neverland suffered from it. And never, ever, would he give up on his kingdom.

One evening, she’d spoken of Bae, again (that bothersome boy, too smart for his own good, too knowledgeable about magic, who kept escaping him – Peter let him, always, refusing to take him as a Lost Boy and expose him to Wendy’s presence). By the dim light of the fire, she told Pan she loved Baelfire. The sound of that word was insufferable to his ears – because the concept of love revolted him, and because he wanted her to feel such a devotion to him, and him only.

He let her believe Baelfire was dead with no regrets.

After that night, she sat with him in the evening, and he felt satisfied, sated. At last.

But she’d tricked him again.

She ran from Neverland – when he found out, the Neverland sky almost broke in half, and a storm took over the island for the first time. As the skies roared with the weight of Pan’s fury, he flew after her, to the Enchanted Forest, where he was caught by surprise by the Evil Queen’s curse, minutes away from dragging Wendy back to her cage. 

With Pan gone, his heart far away from Neverland, the island fell into decay. Boys started to leave – Baelfire found a way out. Felix tried to hold it together. But it was Pan’s return, years later, that breathed life into the island again.

And yet, even Pan’s return couldn’t fully heal the heart of Neverland. For Peter’s heart was damaged, forever.

When Peter woke from the curse, he hated Wendy more than ever. He felt as though she’d ruined him. She’d been the one to lead him into the claws of the curse, and she’d been the one to bring him to his knees during it. With her, he’d been vulnerable, he’d _been_ weak, painfully human James – he had promised her things Peter Pan would never have offered anyone. Because James Young had loved Gwen Berry, and now, Peter Pan remembered loving Wendy Darling. The feeling was unshakable – it made him ache, made him long, and he hated every second of it. He now had memories of touches, kisses, love - his initial instinct was to feel disgusted by it, as though his golden, mighty soul had been sullied. 

He wanted to _hurt_ Wendy. He wanted to make her pay.

And yet, he couldn’t imagine not bringing her back to Neverland.

But away from his island, he felt weak, powerless, which is why he went back first, not ready to fight to take her with him. Every second he spent with her was a temptation, and the temptation turned into wrath, into scorn. He knew that she had loved him (so deeply, so naively, so stupidly, she’d fallen into the trap, like he had) and he used that fact to hurt her. He wanted her to lose the game. Wanted her to ache more than _he_ did.

Once he got back to Neverland, he found the sky dark, and the forest colorless. It broke him inside, but he was as determined as ever. It took him a while to regain his magic but one thing was missing – he couldn’t fly anymore, and there was no pixie dust. He told himself that he would find a way to fix it.

Because Peter Pan never failed.

As he worked to bring back magic to Neverland, like it had before, his fury towards Wendy faded, slowly replaced by need, by a sense of loss. He wanted her here – it was as though her absence hurt him more than ever. Before the curse, he had desired her company, her smiles, even her anger, burning and scorching, but now, in the aftermath, he found himself longing for more. He missed her touch, her kisses, her body – he missed the way Gwen had been his, in more ways than one. He missed the loving expression on her face.

He’d wake up at night, plagued by cravings he couldn’t satiate, even by his own hand. His need for Wendy was overwhelming. And soon, _he_ was strong enough to travel back to Storybrooke, to bring the Darlings back.

When he saw her again, she offered him a game, and he accepted. He dared her to a kiss – he received it like a prisoner finds freedom, finally feeling as though his yearning would fade. She said she’d come back with him if he let her brothers go, and he accepted, lured in by the idea of her compliance, thinking it might be enough to appease him once and for all.

But then, something unbelievable happened. Pan had never liked seeing Wendy cry – it had always awakened a part of him long buried, but that night, as she promised herself to him with tears in her eyes and regret on her face, it tore at him. He realized that somehow, since he had been James, when she hurt, he hurt _with her_.

During the curse, he had fallen in love, unburdened by his eternal youth. He had been Peter Pan without being Peter Pan. He was himself, but with a part of his identity missing. But the ignorance kept James’ heart open in ways Pan’s wasn’t. And so James learned to love, learned to give in. And Pan was left with the unshakable memory of it. He was left with a love he had thought didn’t belong to him, tainted him.

It was that love that made him fly away from Storybrooke, that night.

He told Felix that he needed to focus on his plan to bring the Truest Believer to Storybrooke. He said Wendy Darling was a distraction, and that she could wait.

He lied.

Even if he missed Wendy, there was a part of Pan that felt oddly serene. As though somehow, the goodness of his act seeped through his veins, and made him feel at peace. But that part of him was so small, so deeply buried underneath the rest, that he hardly felt it at all. Eventually, he told himself, he would bring her back - he would restore Neverland, and then, she would want to come back. She would want to bathe into the shimmering sea, under the glowing sunlight - she would smile at him, she would touch him - she would love him. 

But he was soon distracted from Wendy, even if the ghost of her remained on his mind. Because the island was still dying, and now, Peter Pan knew where to find the Truest Believer. He had caught glimpses of him himself : his name was Henry Mills, and he was in Storybrooke.

When he would get the boy’s heart, everything would go back to normal.

And perhaps, just perhaps, Pan could indulge in weakness in the aftermath, and let himself love Wendy Darling for good.

 

 


	9. Of hearts and cages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter tells Wendy the truth, at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some mature content in this chapter.  
> (yes, that means smut. You knew it was coming).

_Neverland, present day_

At first, Wendy didn’t understand.

Didn’t understand why he needed to save Neverland because of her.

-          Because of me ? she repeated in disbelief. But I have done nothing at all !

-          You just don’t understand, do you ? Peter said, agitated. It was you, Wendy – it was always, always _you_ !

-          Stop saying that !

-          It is ! Peter insisted. You changed everything, Wendy. Everything that happened, it was because of you !

-          No, she retorted angrily, put off by the twinge of despair in Peter's usually controlled tone. I won’t let you. I won’t let you blame me for something I didn’t do – you’re the _villain_ here, Peter ! You’re the one who tore children away from their homes, lied to me about Bae, kept me prisoner …

Peter started laughing, but his laugh lacked humor, was devoid of joy. It sent chills down Wendy's spine. 

-          The villain, me ? he shouted, pointing to his chest with his fist, looking rattled. Me, a villain, while you’re the one who _ruined_ me and my kingdom ? While I was the one to struggle to keep Neverland alive, I’m the _villain_ ?

Wendy stared at him in denial, shaking her head – his words echoed Hook’s, who pretended Neverland had changed when she’d arrived, long ago. She hardly trusted the pirate, and trusted Peter even less, but there was none of his usual calculation, none of his usual smugness on his face. He looked sincere – he looked broken, desperate, so much that Wendy couldn’t help but listen to what he was saying.

-          I don’t understand, she said, confused, angry tears forming in her eyes as she fought against the idea of having caused any of this. I don’t understand, Peter – _stop_ …

At the sight of her tears, his shoulders dropped, and he looked away, closing his eyes, his chest heaving with a deep sigh. He looked torn for a moment, glancing back at her as she blinked, deeply troubled. He chewed on the inside of his cheek, his expression softening slightly, and he seemed to come to a decision. 

-          Come with me, he said, extending his hand. I’ll tell you everything.

She took his hand like the river goes to the sea. He brought her up to the treehouse, sat next to her on the bed that had remained the same since she’d last seen it, and started talking.

Wendy sat there, stunned, as Peter told her his tale. How he’d given his heart to the island, how he’d been there for centuries before the magic started diminishing – something that happened because of her. She could feel his confusion, his powerlessness, as he struggled to explain it, but she understood. She understood that whatever she had done, she’d had enough of an effect on his heart to claim a part of it, and take it away from Neverland.

She was the reason the Neverland sky had grown dark. Why the fairies were gone. She was the reason why Pan couldn’t fly anymore.

Rumplestilskin and Hook had been right – she _was_ his weakness.

She couldn’t even begin to process this knowledge. To hear Peter talk of the past, tell her of how he’d tried to gain her heart, even if he hadn’t realized that’s what he had been doing, made her ache as she realized that almost every act he’d done had only served to draw her away from him, more and more. His roughness, the nature of his character had made it so he had only pushed her away, instead of pulling her closer. 

Would it have changed anything, had she known ? Would she have accepted his behavior more easily ? Would she have stopped running, if she’d understood he’d tried to keep her caged to soothe his own heart and save his island ?

Her heart screamed yes, overwhelmed, but her mind said no. Because while his confession put a different spin on things, it didn’t erase all he had done. Didn’t change the fact that he was keeping boys prisoners, it didn’t change the fact that he was dangerous, that he killed and hurt those who dared to cross him. It didn’t change the fact that he’d let Bae believe he was abandoned, and that he’d let her believe her friend was dead. 

It didn't change the fact that he had put her in a cage, and her brothers - he had been her tormenter longer than her lover. 

It didn’t change the fact that he had tried to dominate her, to control her at every turn, regardless of his inner struggle and his intentions.

Wendy was quiet for a moment after Peter talked, telling her of why he'd wanted Henry Mills. There were so many things he had said that she couldn't process, about him, about her, about them - there was a haze in her mind, so she focused on the easiest part. 

-          And Henry’s heart, she whispered. You believe it will save Neverland.

-          I know it will.

-          What happens to him, when he gives it to you ? Does he die ?

Peter shook his head. He took one of Wendy’s hands, and tentatively pressed it to his chest. Within seconds, Wendy could feel the fast rhythm of his heart. She looked at him in confusion, in wonder. 

-          It’s magic, Peter said quietly. Feel the heartbeat ? My blood still pumps through my veins – I have a heart, but it’s not mine. It’s the magic that keeps me alive. The same will happen to Henry. He won’t die – but his belief will fuel Neverland, like mine did. He’ll have to remain devoted to it.

-          And never grow up.

-          Never grow up, Peter repeated with a smile.

-          Are you sure that’s what he wants, Peter ?

-          Why wouldn’t he ? Peter asked, tilting his head. 

-          Because Henry isn’t you, she said softly. He wants his family, he wants to grow up. You can’t force him into this.

-          I’m not forcing him. He’ll give his heart willingly. He has to. 

-          And what lies did you need to tell him so he would ? she asked.

Peter’s face hardened : 

-          Whatever I needed to, he declared proudly.

-          Peter…  

-          Why do you expect me to do ? he asked angrily. I can’t save Neverland by myself – I tried. I did all I could, it doesn’t _work_ , Wendy ! I need Henry. The Seer told me so.

-          Are you sure she can be trusted ? Wendy asked.

-          Seers are never wrong, Peter said. The search for Henry’s heart, the Truest Believer – it will make Neverland what it once was. I can be free again – remain here, forever. Just like I want.

-          And you’d sacrifice an innocent boy – for what you want ?

Peter gave Wendy a look, and she immediately felt silly for speaking. Of course he would. He was Peter Pan. Forever and always.

-          I don’t see it as a sacrifice, Peter stated fiercely. I see it as a contribution to a greater cause.

-          What happens if you don’t get Henry’s heart ? Wendy asked.

-          Neverland will fall. The magic will be gone.

-          What would you do ? If that happened ?

-          I won’t _let it_ happen.

-          But if it did ? Peter, what if it did ? What would happen to you, then ?

Peter gave Wendy a glare, looking ready to dismiss her, but Wendy’s determined gaze made him sigh in frustration, and he answered, lifting his chin with pride.

-          Then I’d die with it.

This knocked the air from Wendy’s lungs. She stared at Peter for a moment, breathless as he gazed back at her, unflinching, headstrong.

-          Peter, she breathed. You would – you would stay here and let yourself die ?

-          Yes.

-          Peter…

-          I wouldn’t have a choice, anyway. And why would I want to live, if Neverland is no more ?

“ _Me_ ”, Wendy thought fervently, her heart breaking at each of his word. “ _Live, live for me…”_

She didn’t want him to die. She didn’t want to be his prisoner; she didn’t want him to hurt people but the idea that Peter, godlike, powerful Peter Pan might actually _die_ with Neverland was unbearable to her. She grew very quiet, swallowing, trying to form coherent thoughts, trying to think of words to say, but she found it impossible. It was like her mind had gone blank. Peter looked at her, and his expression shifted at the wounded look on her face. He struggled for words a moment, then shook his head, letting out a sigh.

-          You don’t understand, Wendy, he said, leaning forward, rubbing his hands together in agitation. I _am_ Neverland. Without it, I am _nothing_ , I have _nothing_. Don’t you see ? _Nothing_.

Wendy had rarely heard such a tremble in Pan’s voice – not even when he had been James. There was fear, loneliness in his eyes – Wendy fought the urge to put her hand on his. Because nobody, not even him, deserved to look this… alone.

-          That’s not true, Peter, she said. During – during the curse, you weren’t in Neverland, and you still…

-          I was miserable, in Storybrooke, Peter said with a harsh, painful scoff. I was miserable – until…

Wendy held her breath without realizing it, and she knew what he was going to say before he said it :

-          Until you, he finished, his eyes seeking hers.

She smiled weakly, her heart pounding in her chest. She’d forgotten what she was even here for – she was entranced by him, by this side of Pan’s she had only glimpsed before.

-          It can be like that again, she said. If – if you want.

His eyes widened for a moment, but he quickly frowned, shaking his head slightly :

-          You - I don’t understand.

-          Let Henry go, Wendy said softly. Let the boys go. Come back with us – come to Storybrooke with us.

-          What ? Peter said loudly. Leave Neverland ? _Never_ !

-          Yes, Wendy insisted, grabbing one of Peter’s hand. Take your heart back - let Neverland go – maybe it was always meant to be a place of dreams…

-          No ! Peter said ferociously, pulling his hand away from Wendy’s grip, edging away from her on the bed. Never – Neverland is mine…

-          But you’re not Neverland’s ! Wendy said. That’s why it keeps changing, Peter, you know that !

-          I don’t care ! I want to be a boy, always – I want to have fun…

-          But you can’t. You can’t, Peter – it doesn’t work anymore.

-          What’s the alternative, then ? he said harshly, his eyes full of frustration and anger. Live in your world ? And then – what ? _Grow up_ ?

He spoke the words like they were poison on his tongue. His earlier vulnerability was gone, replaced by violent anger.

-          Yes, Wendy answered quietly.

-          No ! Never – never, Wendy ! I’ve seen what it’s like to be a grown-up – all the fun dies, all the light leaves your heart. You become old, grey…

-          It doesn’t have to be like that. You can be a grown up, and be happy.

-          _No_. You can’t. _I_ can’t.

-          _You can_ – what if I help you, Peter ? You won’t be alone, I promise, I …

-          _No_.

-          Peter !

-          I said no, Wendy. _Stop_.

-          You don’t believe me, Wendy stated.

Peter looked at her – it was clear he didn’t. He let out a low, bitter scoff, and looked away, clenching his jaw, but Wendy wouldn’t let him – not this time.

She’d come here to save Henry – but what if she could save Peter himself? It had never seemed like a real possibility before – a foolish hope, at best, the desire of her loving heart. But if he could choose to give up Henry, to give up Neverland, then perhaps there was truly hope for him. She dared believe she could bring it out in him.

She had to at least _try_.

She put her hand on his cheek, forcing him to face her – his face was a mask of angry bitterness – and she looked into his eyes :

-          Then you better start believing, Peter Pan, she said, before pressing her lips to his.

By his reaction, she could tell that was the last thing he’d expected. She pulled away to see the astonishment in his eyes – his gaze dropped to her lips again with sudden need. She placed her hands on his chest and pushed – surprised, he let himself fall on the bed, his hands falling limp on each side of his head. He gazed at Wendy in admiration and awe as she moved on top of him, straddling his waist. She kept her eyes on his, and took off her jacket slowly. She could see the understanding, the longing in his eyes – he was uncharacteristically quiet, as if she’d knocked the words out of him. She was speechless herself, overcome, feeling as though she was flinging herself in the eye of the storm.

His hands gently came to rest on her waist, and he caressed her sides over the fabric of her shirt. She bent down to kiss him again, and he let out a muffled sound of satisfaction against her mouth. Her hands on his chest, she started kissing his neck – he threw his head back on the mattress, his wraps wrapping snuggly around her waist to hold her closer to him. As she trailed her lips over his skin, she heard him moan – the sound seemed to vibrate through her, desire flaming deep inside of her.

His hands moved underneath her shirt, and he tugged at it, trying to take it off – she grabbed his wrists and pinned them on each side of his head. His eyes widened again and for a moment, she feared he might not like the lack of control. But when her lips fell on his jaw, her hips moving slowly against his, she felt him shudder in pleasure underneath her. He caressed her back under her shirt, and he turned his head slightly to kiss her temple.

-          Wendy, he whispered. Wendy …

-          Let Henry go, she murmured against his ear. Come with me.

Peter froze, his face darkening again. He raised a hand up to her cheek to draw his face to his, to kiss away the subject, but she didn’t move.

-          Wendy…

-          Peter. Peter, please – just come with me.

-          I can’t, he said, shaking his head. I can’t – I can’t…

-          Yes, you can, she answered, her hands sliding under his shirt to caress his chest, his skin tingling at her touch. You _can_.

She tugged at his shirt and he moved slowly, letting her remove it. She let out a shaky breath – he was gorgeous. She had almost forgotten it – and he was even more beautiful here, as Peter, in Neverland, than he had been as James in the cabin. She stared at him with such awe that she half expected to see a smug smirk appear on his face – but none came. His gaze was intense, open – he looked like he was craving her.

And he was. He had always wanted her more, needed her more than she did him. She had never been as conscious of the power she had over him as she was in that moment. It was terrifying, exhilarating, that she, a simple girl, could bring an eternal, almost god-like creature such as Pan to his knees. That she held a part of his heart that threatened the very fabric of his being, the fabric of Neverland.

Was she manipulating him ? To an extent, yes, she was, but not out of hate, not out of a desire for revenge. She was appealing to the side of him she could feel, to the human part of him, to the part of his soul that had been James’, to the side of him that loved her – if she could get him to give into it, then, everything could be so much simpler. Perhaps she could even start to forgive, if not forget, everything he had been responsible for, all this time.

Her hands roamed over his chest, and he grabbed one of her hands to kiss her fingers. She smiled, and took off her shirt, letting it fall on the ground beside the bed.

Tentatively, Peter’s hands moved on her stomach, caressing her skin softly – he was looking at her expectantly, as though silently asking for permission. She leaned down to kiss him and he enveloped her small frame into his arms. His lips found their way to her shoulders, then to her chest. She gasped breathlessly, her hips pressing against his. He started moving, hardening between her legs, his movements soon growing needier. She put her hands on his chest to still him, and he complied, although reluctantly, his gaze searching hers. 

He let her undress him, panting, hungrily watching her, and fell back on the bed when she pushed him. She got out of her remaining clothes, and she caught him licking his lips, waiting for her on the bed, trying to be patient. She climbed on top of him once again, flushed in anticipation, and he put his hands on her hips, entering her with a sharp, pleasured gasp.

Wendy bit her lip, fighting back a moan, but kept her eyes on Peter, not moving yet.

-          Do you want me ? she asked, her voice more composed than she expected.  

-          _Yes_ , came his answer, quick, undoubtable, as he started to move inside her, his eyes fluttering shut, his head falling back on the mattress.  

-          Do you love me ?

The question sounded more confident than she felt – it was a gamble, a risky one at most, one that could ruin everything. Peter tensed up, his grip tightening on Wendy’s hips as he tried to restrain himself – he forced his eyes open, licking his lips, rendered breathless by Wendy’s sweet torture. His eyes regained focus as he looked at her, her question chasing the lust from his face, replacing it by uneasiness, fear.

-          I – I don’t know, he said.

Wendy tilted her head, and looked into his eyes, slowly moving over him.

-          Really ? she asked softly.

Peter’s lips parted to let out a breathless gasp as he kept his eyes focused on Wendy – his gaze roamed over her face, her body as he stroked her hips adoringly. He swallowed as she kept moving, panting when he couldn’t speak.

-          Yes, he murmured after a moment. I – I do.

The feeling that came over Wendy was indescribable. She couldn’t even talk, she couldn’t say anything – because she knew she couldn’t say it back, regardless of how she felt. She couldn’t love him, not now. She couldn’t give in to it. It was too dangerous, and she was already standing on the edge of the fall…

Instead, she closed her eyes, and started rocking her body over his – his eyes fell shut as well and soon, they were both lost in each other, taken over by waves of sensations and feelings, completely forgetting about the rest. Peter’s hands gripped her thighs and she seized one of his wrists, panting, drawing his hand between her legs.

She let out a little moan when he started touching her, his other hand still firmly on thigh, fingertips digging into soft skin. She kept her eyes closed, while he struggled to keep his open, watching her ardently, taking in every feature, every movement of her lips, every expression on her face. Her eyes fluttered open when she heard his breathing speed up, his moans become louder. She met his eyes for a second before he threw his head back in ecstasy, crying out in bliss. He didn’t let go of her once, never stopping touching her – seconds after him, Wendy felt pleasure rush through her, and she grabbed his shoulders to hold herself up until her body felt limp. She let herself fall on top of him, breathless, burying her face against his neck. Immediately, she felt Peter wrap his arms around her, his hands locking behind her back, and he placed a kiss on her neck, then on her shoulder.

She rolled to her side, getting off him, but he didn’t let go of her – he kept an arm around her waist, shifting a little to pull the white sheets over them. He dragged her closer to him, running one of his hands through her hair as she caught her breath. An elated smile appeared on his face, and he kissed her.

-          That was…

-          Unexpected ? she said.

-          I’ll say, he replied, a little joyful laugh on his lips.

This got a smile from Wendy. Sometimes, with her, he let his guard down, and she’d see him : just him, no tricks, no games – just Peter. In those moments, she felt as though it would be so easy for her to give him her heart – she wanted to. She really did. It felt as though it would be so simple, so natural… like she was meant to fit here, in his arms. Peter laughed again, and started kissing her neck lightly, his hand caressing her side before moving to rest in her hair. Wendy giggled softly, then turned her head to kiss his palm.

-          Sex is better in Neverland, Peter suddenly said, resting his head on the pillow with a grin.

-          Peter ! Wendy said, surprised, a little amused.

-          What ? It’s true.

-          Still !

He grinned, then started twirling one of Wendy’s curls around his finger. He looked at her, his expression softening, and said :

-          Do you remember what I said to you ? A long time ago ? About kings, and queens ?

Wendy remembered it like it was yesterday : " _I’m their King. Don’t you think so ?" "Y_ _es, Peter. You are." "D_ _on’t you think all kingdoms need a queen ?"_

 She nodded quietly, and Peter looked into her eyes with fervor.

-          I wanted it to be you, he said, his tone eager, intense.

-          I know, Wendy whispered, her hands resting on his wrists. I know you did.

-          You can be Queen, he said. And I, King. All along, I thought you’d be my ruin – but you were also the key to the cure. I hated you for bringing me to the curse, but if you hadn’t, Baelfire couldn’t have escaped. The Truest Believer wouldn’t have been born. Don’t you see ? It was all meant to happen. Just like this.

-          Peter… you know that’s not what I want, Wendy said quietly. I don’t want to stay here forever.

-          You want me to go with you. To grow up.

-          Yes.

-          To leave Neverland. To stop being _me_.

-          You can still be you, Wendy assured him softly. You can … Peter…

She leaned forward and kissed him again, hoping she could push him over the edge – if she could tempt him enough, if she could make him _believe_ …

His arms wrapped around her again, naturally, and he lost himself into her kiss like he always did. Wendy knew she could do it – she just needed more time, time to convince him to come with her, to leave Neverland behind…

-          Peter !

Wendy froze at the sound of Felix’s shouting voice. He was near the treehouse, calling for Pan – Wendy could hear the urgency in his tone. She felt her heart sink, guessing exactly why the boy had come to seek out Pan. Peter pulled away from Wendy, frowning.

-          Stay here, he whispered, kissing her quickly before getting out of bed.

She nodded, dread coming over her quickly, and she sat up, the sheet pulled up to her chest as he got dressed. He was still putting his shirt back on when he climbed down the ladder to join Felix.

Wendy remained still for a few moments, guilty, fearful. She could hear hushed voices outside, and slowly, she got up and got dressed. Peter had told her to stay here but she knew that soon, he was bound to call her down the treehouse. She closed her eyes tightly, swallowing as she pulled on her clothes. Then, slowly, she descended down the ladder while the boys talked.

-          We were attacked, Felix said. While you were gone. They found you through the map.

-          I knew they would, Peter said with a grin. The boy ?

-          We still got him.

-          Good.

Felix glanced at Wendy, noticing her over Peter’s shoulder. The girl looked at him for a second, crossing her arms over her stomach. Understanding appeared in Felix’s eyes, and he slowly touched Pan’s arm, his eyes darkening :  

-          Peter, he said. They were prepared – they attacked because they _knew_   you wouldn’t be at the camp.

Wendy felt her blood freeze in her veins, and her face grew paler. With nervous eyes, she watched as Peter’s frame seemed to straighten up. From behind, she saw his shoulders tense up, and she could only imagine the look on his face as he realized the weight of Felix’s words.

He would think she had betrayed him.

He would hate her.

Everything she had said, everything she had told him, would be disregarded as a lie, and it would all be for nothing.

The others hadn’t even gotten to Henry. The plan had failed, in all the ways it could fail. And she had held such hope in her heart ! How very foolish she had been…

Wendy kept her eyes on Peter’s back. For a long moment, he was completely still, like the calm before the storm. Wendy took a small step back, fear overtaking her. Peter didn’t look at her. He kept his back turned, but Wendy knew him well. She could _sense_ the intensity of his rage.

-          Get the boys here, Peter told Felix sharply. Wait for my orders.

Felix nodded, glanced briefly at Wendy, then disappeared. Wendy watched Peter’s frame – he was uncharacteristically unmoving, his fists clenched at his sides.

-          Peter, she said hesitantly.

At the sound of her voice, Peter turned towards her, his eyes dark, savage, the twist of his lips harsh and vicious.

-          You, he said, his voice shaking with unbridled fury. You _tricked_ me.

-          No, Wendy said, shaking her head fervently, her eyes widening in horror. Peter, no …

-          You were just a _diversion_. A cheap trick, a lie – I can’t believe I …

He turned away from her, wiping his face with his hand – she had never, ever seen him as livid as he was now. He looked disgusted with her, with himself – he looked betrayed. He wasn’t just angry. He was wounded.

-          Peter, no, Wendy said. That’s not what happened…

-          Stop talking ! Peter shouted. Stop talking – just _stop_ ! I’m never listening to any word you say, _ever again_!

-          Peter !

-          _No_ !

-          Just listen to me ! Please ! Peter, I…

-          Boys ! Peter roared, refusing to look at Wendy anymore. Come out and play !

Wendy shuddered, fearing the worst – a few boys came out of the woods at once. Some of them glanced at Wendy – even looking happy to see her, but Pan’s words chased away their smiles quickly enough.

-          You, he said, pointing at three boys. Put her in her cage. The rest, come with me.

-          No ! Wendy screamed, her eyes widening in horror as the boys gathered around her, like vultures.

-          No – Peter ! Peter !

She fought and shrieked, but not once did he turn back to look at her.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .... I'm sorry. I'm a monster. I like suffering and angst.


	10. Of potions and choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gold has a plan to take down Peter Pan, and it involves Wendy Darling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :blatantly steals some dialogue from the show:

Wendy had never felt this alone, this powerless, even during her darkest hours in Neverland. Caught in a cage, like a trapped bird, she was confined to the woods once again. Sometimes, some boys would pass by her, watching her with curiosity. Some of them didn’t know her and those who did looked at her with a studied indifference. Pan had probably warned them to stay away from the cage, and their loyalty was theirs. 

As for Peter, she didn’t see him. She quivered to think of what he had planned for her. That night, in front of the treehouse, she had angered him like nobody ever had before. She’d seen it in his eyes, heard it in his voice, and it killed her to know it. It killed her to know that they'd had something, been so close to something real, before everything was ruined...

And she worried for Henry. It was only a matter of time before he gave his heart to Peter Pan, sealing his fate forever. Wendy couldn't stand the idea of the poor boy trapped in a destiny he hadn't asked for. 

So, in her cage, her arms around her knees, she waited. Hours, days blended together. It was always night, always dark in Neverland, now. Wendy tried to find a breach in the cage - but she had spent time in it before, and knew it wasn't possible to open it from inside.

A familiar face, soon, came to bring her water and food.

-          Felix, Wendy whispered, her fingers gripping the bars of her cell.

The scarred boy said nothing. He simply gave her what she needed through the bars, but she didn't give up on talking to him. 

-          Felix, she repeated. Please… you need to talk to Peter, tell him...

-          Save your breath, Felix said coldly.

-          But he’s got it wrong, she said desperately. I didn’t betray him, Felix ! I know he’s angry…

-          _Angry_ ? Felix retorted, scoffing harshly. That doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Wendy quieted down, watching Felix’s eyes through the bars. On this whole island, Wendy wasn’t convinced that there was someone who knew Peter better than Felix. She had seen, over time, how Peter seemed to confide his goals and plans to Felix only. Not many had the privilege of being in Pan’s confidence.

-          You didn’t just anger him, Felix said, a clear edge to his voice. You _hurt_ him.

Wendy bowed her head, pursing her lips as the truth of that statement hit her. When she looked up, Felix was already gone. 

She waited – waited and waited, thinking, trying to figure out a way to get out, to get to the others, to get to Peter – it turned out, she didn’t have to wait that long. Soon enough, she heard sounds of fighting in the clearing nearby, and she thought she recognized familiar voices. Trying her luck, she screamed for help, and soon noticed silhouettes approaching the cage she was held in.

-          Here ! she said, her heart rising with hope. I’m here !

-          Wendy !

Wendy recognized Emma Swan’s blonde hair and lean silhouette – quickly, the woman rushed towards her cage. Another person followed behind her – with dark hair and weary eyes.

-          Wendy ?

Wendy looked up, her legs almost giving out underneath her from shock. 

-          Bae ! she said, her voice trembling. You- you’re alive ?

-          Wendy ! Baelfire said, rushing to the cage, kneeling down next to Emma while the others arrived. Did Pan do this to you ?

-          Yes, Wendy said as Bae and Emma struggled to open the cage.

-          We are so sorry, Wendy, Snow-White said. We never should have let you do this…

-          I’m sorry you couldn’t get to Henry, Wendy said weakly.

-          It’s not your fault.

Wendy rose to her feet with the help of Baelfire – he immediately wrapped her into a hug, and she buried her face against him, hugging him back tightly.

-          I thought you were dead, she said.

-          Funny how that keeps happening, he joked lightly.

Wendy looked around, a weak smile on her face. She recognized those she had come with – Rumplestiltskin was back with the group. But there was someone new, someone she hadn’t seen in a long time…

-          Tink ! she exclaimed.

The blonde fairy grinned, and hugged Wendy tightly.

-          Wendy Darling, she said. Didn’t think I’d see you again, after you’d escaped.

-          I’m sorry I couldn’t get you your pixie dust…

-          I think a 28 year-old curse excuses you from that obligation, Tink said with a shrug. It’s good to see you.

-          And it’s good to see you…

-          All right, not that this isn’t very touching, Regina said irritably, but we need to find Henry.

-          Do you know something, Wendy ? Bae asked tentatively. Did Pan tell you something – something that can help us find Henry ?

Wendy took a deep breath, biting her lip hesitantly :

-          I don’t know if that can help you _find_ him, she said, but – I know what Peter wants with Henry.

-          You do ?

-          Yes. He told me.

-          How do you know he wasn’t lying ? Regina asked.

-          He wasn’t, Wendy said painfully. Trust me.

\-          What does he want with Henry, Wendy ? Baelfire asked.

-          It’s… Henry’s heart, Wendy answered, swallowing thickly. He needs Henry’s heart.  He needs it to save Neverland.

-          His heart ? Snow White repeated.

-          Neverland – the island is dying, Wendy explained. Pan’s heart is what fuels it – but it… it doesn’t work anymore.

-          Doesn’t work anymore, Rumplestiltskin said, his brow furrowing.

Wendy opened her mouth to speak – but she couldn’t bring herself to it. She really didn’t want to explain the truth, and the role she had in it, but Henry’s fate was at stake.

-          Henry is the Truest Believer, she said. A Seer told him so. His heart can bring the magic back to Neverland, because Pan’s can’t do it anymore. His heart isn’t – he can’t be fully devoted to Neverland. That’s why the island is dying.

Behind the others, Gold’s eyes darkened in understanding, but nobody noticed but Baelfire, who looked to Wendy with realization.  

-          If he needs Henry’s heart, Hook said, why hasn’t he just taken it ?

-          Because Neverland runs on belief, Tink whispered in understanding.

-          Yes, Wendy nodded. He needs Henry to give it to him willingly – but he’ll stop at nothing to make sure that happens.

Concerned looks were exchanged between the members of Henry’s family.

-          What happens to Henry, if Peter gets his heart ? Emma asked, looking fearful of the instant.

-          Henry will… he’ll be bound to Neverland, like Pan is, Wendy answered. He won’t grow up – he’ll be frozen in time, like Pan. He’ll lose his heart – he’ll never be the same.

-          We can’t let that happen, Emma said, exchanging a glance with Regina.

-          We need to get Henry. Fast, Snow said.

-          But we’ll have to go through Pan, first, Gold remarked, looking thoughtful.

-          We have everything else, David said. We have a way off the island…

-          You do ? Wendy said.

-          Pan’s Shadow. We captured it, Bae explained.

-          We just need a way to defeat Pan, Snow said, trying to sound confident.

-          I believe I may have one, Rumplestiltskin said.

Everybody turned towards him. Regina raised her eyebrows, looking skeptical :

-          You do ? Because last time I checked, you were as helpless as any of us, she remarked.

-          I actually gathered my fair share of information, Gold said. As you know, we sent a mermaid back to Storybrooke, to gather a few magic things…

-          You also said you didn’t yet know what to do with it, Regina cut him off sharply.

-          But, now, I do. And I need the girl.

Wendy’s eyes widened, and she saw Emma roll her eyes :

-          This again ? Really ? the woman said.

-          What are you on about, Gold ? Regina asked.

-          While I was dealing with my business, the man explained, I had an interesting chat with a … shadow.

-          Pan’s Shadow ?

-          There’s more than one shadow in Neverland. You’ve seen them – Pan has captured his fair share. I knew one of them. A long time ago.

Nobody missed the veil of sorrow that passed on the man’s face, but Gold continued speaking :

-          His words were vague, but useful, he said. He told me the key to Pan’s defeat was his _heart_. That he was so bound to Neverland – if he chose something else over it, he would bring about his own undoing.

-          You failed to mention that before, Regina said, narrowing her eyes.

-          I didn’t see the purpose. And I requested the mermaid bring back something to aim at his heart – but I see now that it won’t be necessary.

Wendy recalled Peter’s earlier words, filled with a sense of dread.

_Peter, she breathed. You would – you would stay here and let yourself die ?_

_Yes._

_Peter…_

_I wouldn’t have a choice, anyway. And why would I want to live, if Neverland is no more ?_

-          Would you stop talking in riddles ? Emma snapped.

-          Are you all deaf, or blind ? Gold said, with a hint of impatience. Didn’t you hear a word of what she said ?

-          Pan’s heart fuels Neverland, Tinkerbell whispered. And his heart isn’t devoted to it, anymore.

-          Hasn’t been, since the day she came, Hook mused. _Love_ – a man’s greatest weakness.

-          But Pan isn’t a man, Emma said. He's not even a boy - he's barely even human ! 

-          He was during the curse, Baelfire said quietly. Wasn’t he, Wendy ?

Wendy glanced at Baelfire, who was looking at her with a sad, yet insistent look in his eyes. Wendy quietly nodded, unable to talk for a moment. All eyes were on here, though, and she gulped : 

-          But – you’re wrong, she said. He won’t choose something over Neverland. He never would. He had the chance – and he didn’t. He thinks I betrayed him – he _hates_ me.

-          Let me take care of that, dearie, Gold said confidently. For now, let’s focus on finding Henry.

-          If this works, Wendy said, unable to keep a trace of dread from her voice. Will Peter die ?

Everybody looked at her, some with confusion, other with disbelief, but she didn’t care. She needed to know. Gold looked at her for a long moment, then said :

-          Perhaps.

Wendy gulped, then bowed her head, struggling to wrap her mind around it.

If she helped, she would be instrumental to Peter’s undoing. To his possible death.

But if she didn’t, she would passively let Henry be roped into a fate he didn’t want, into a fate he could never escape from.

Where did her loyalty lie ?

Henry was an innocent, kind, sweet boy.

Peter was far from innocent. He was vicious, cruel, terrible.

He was also the boy she loved.

The others had started to move back into the woods - they needed to move fast. Wendy felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Bae, who gave her a sympathetic smile, before following the others. Wendy understood why he couldn’t say more – he had to focus on his son. Wendy watched him go, trying to find her breath again. Tink slowly approached her, laying a hand on her arm.

-          Wendy ? Are you okay ?

-          I’m fine.

-          Chin up, the fairy said, touching lightly Wendy’s chin. We’re going to defeat Pan – I actually have faith that those people can get it done. Finally.

-          He said he loved me, Tink, Wendy whispered, the confession pouring out of her, too heavy for her heart. I didn’t even know he could love. How can I know this, and stab him in the back like that ?

Tink grew silent, looking a little surprised, but not overly stunned. She looked at Wendy for a moment, then sighed heavily, her voice gentle but firm :

-          Because he isn’t good, Tink said softly. You told me yourself, when I first came to Neverland. Remember ?

-          I know. I know.

-          Listen to me, Wendy, Tinkerbell continued gently. I specialized in true love, when I was a fairy. I know love when I see it. There’s no true love to be found with Pan. He will only hurt you.

Wendy bit back tears. She wanted to tell Tinkerbell she was wrong, that she had seen and felt Peter love, but she couldn’t. Because in a way, the fairy was right – every time he’d loved her, she’d ended up paying a heavy price for it. Was that really what love was ? Or was this the only version of love Peter, with his twisted soul and absent heart, could feel ? 

-          You’re right, she murmured. And I’ll help – I want to save Henry. But I can’t help it – I still have hope. Is that so wrong ?

-          No, Tink said, shaking her head with compassion. It’s not.

The fairy locked her arm with the young woman's, and together, they followed after the others. 

Soon enough, they found the Lost Boys's camp. Wendy was able to remember the way, with the help of Tink's knowledge of the island. Magic allowed the group to overpower the boys. Pan was not with them – and neither was Henry.

It was becoming clear : Peter had already taken Henry. Wendy felt fear in her heart – but that fear was nothing compared to the effect this idea had on Henry’s family.

Felix, overpowered by Hook, threw a furious glance at Wendy – in betraying Pan, it was like she had betrayed him as well, and that much was clear in his eyes.

-          Where’s Pan ? Emma asked him.

-          Go to hell, Felix answered spitefully.

-          Where is he, Felix ? Wendy asked in turn, crouching down in front of the boy.

-          Like I’m going to tell you, he replied savagely, tearing her down with his gaze. You’re a _traitor_.

-          She’s not a traitor, Bae intervened protectively. Pan doesn’t care about anyone – he only cares for himself. She owes him nothing, and neither do you ! 

-          Don’t speak of things you don’t understand, Baelfire, Felix spat out quietly, his eyes falling on the man he had known as a boy. 

-          Listen, Emma spoke. We can help all of you – there’s room on the _Jolly Roger_ for you too… 

She crouched down, kneeling in front of the boys – Wendy could see their gazes fixed upon the blonde woman.

-          I was an orphan, Emma said softly. Like you. A lost girl. And I was reminded today that I am not alone – I have a lot of people that love me. And I never thought that was gonna happen. If that can happen to me… it can happen to you.

-          Pan is the only family we need, Felix said with unwavering loyalty.

-          No, Emma said quietly. Family doesn’t do what he did. Family doesn’t hold people captive, by his own rule, for centuries… he lied to Henry, and convinced him to give up his own heart !

-          To save the island, a boy said.

-          For himself, Emma insisted. For himself, only.

-          Don’t listen to her, Felix said. Pan cares about all of us.

-          No. No, he doesn’t, Emma said.

-          You’re wrong, Felix whispered.

-          We care about you. And we can save you ! We can take you home with us, to our land.

-          You just have to tell us where Pan is, Snow-White added.

-          Where is Pan ? Emma asked one last time, her voice low, but quietly commanding.

Wendy could see that Emma’s words were affecting the boys, but it was Felix who spoke, unyielding :

-          Not. Telling, he said.

-          Can you really bring us home ? a boy Wendy didn’t know asked.

-          Shut your mouth ! Felix shouted.

-          Let him talk ! Wendy said, glaring at her former friend.

-          Yes, Emma said softly, approaching the little boy. With your help.

-          You have to swear, the boy said. Swear that you’ll take us with you.

-          Don’t listen to her ! Felix said, fighting against Hook’s restraint. Stop !

-          I promise, Emma said tearfully, touching the boy’s shoulder. I promise. We’re going home. All of us.

There was a silence in the clearing – Wendy could see Felix shaking his head, horrified, while the boy looked at Emma for a long moment, before finally speaking :

-          He’s at Skull Rock. That’s where he needed to take Henry.

-          I know where that is, Bae said immediately. I can get us there.

-          Let’s go, Emma said immediately.

*************

The group split up. Hook, Tinkerbell, Snow-White and David were in charge of bringing the Lost Boys back to the ship, making sure none of them interfered with Henry's rescue. The others – Emma, Bae, Regina, Gold and Wendy – embarked on a small boat, making their way to Skull Rock.

-          You sure you know what you’re doing ? Emma asked Gold, throwing him a glance.

-          Yes, the man assured.

-          And you need Wendy for this, Bae said, throwing an uneasy glance at his father.

-          It’s fine, Wendy said quickly. I want to help.

-          I do need Wendy for this, Gold said. She’ll be instrumental – she won’t be in any danger. I’ll protect her.

This was hardly reassuring to Wendy, but she said nothing. She wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. 

-          Let me deal with Pan, Gold added. Focus on getting Henry out.

\-         Are you sure about this, Gold ? Regina asked. Because you know that if you fail, we’re all screwed. Even if we get Henry out, Pan will come after us, and take him back. Again.

-          I won’t fail, Gold assured her. Trust me.

Regina looked wary, but she said nothing more and soon, they arrived at Skull Rock. Wendy had seen the place before, but she’d never been inside. Once they entered, Gold ordered the others to find Henry – telling them he would distract Pan and deal with him.

-          What makes you think Pan doesn’t have Henry with him ? Emma asked.

-          He won’t. He’ll have hidden him – he’ll expect us to come and try to stop him. We just need to outsmart him – find Henry first.

Bae hugged Wendy, and went with Regina and Emma to look for his son. Gold took Wendy’s arm, and dragged her with him.

Skull Rock shone from the inside with a golden, bright light – Wendy had to admit how beautiful it was, despite the gravity of the situation. Suddenly, as they turned a corner, Wendy let out a little yelp :

-          Henry ! she whispered.

Gold’s eyes widened in surprise, but he stopped walking. Wendy looked at him in disbelief, ready to run to the boy, but Gold held her back. In a second, Henry disappeared in a glimmer of light.

-          An illusion, Gold whispered.

-          It wasn’t…

-          It wasn’t Henry. That will make things harder for the others.

-          Will they be okay ?

-          We’ll just have to do our part right.

-          Which is what, exactly ?

Gold glanced at Wendy, silent, and the girl gritted her teeth in annoyance, glancing at the spot where the illusion had disappeared. Reaching the top of large, stone stairs, Gold leaned towards Wendy, and whispered :

-          Hide here. Don’t come out – don’t speak, don’t move. Say nothing.

-          What ? Do nothing ? Wendy replied. But I thought you brought me here to help !

-          Trust me. When the time is right, you’ll help.

-          So you won’t tell me what you plan to do ?

-          I told you, Gold said. I have something that will help defeat Pan. But I need you to stay there for it. Can you do that ?

The man’s words weren’t harsh, but they were commanding. Wendy wanted to rebel, refuse, but she nodded, realizing that the Dark one knew magic much more than she did. So she crouched down behind a rock, and waited, while Gold advanced through the inside of the rock, finding himself in a large room, lit up with golden light, that Wendy could only catch a glimpse of. There was some kind of hourglass in the middle of the rock, filled with glowing, amber light. It was captivating, entrancing.

When he arrived on the scene, Gold froze – he immediately spotted Henry sitting on top of a rock. But he quickly shook his head, knowing it was only another illusion. Quickly, the image disappeared, revealing the smug face of Peter Pan behind it.

-          Hello, _laddie_ , Pan said with a toothy grin, descending from the rock in a graceful jump. I knew I’d see you again. Tell me, how’s your father ?

Wendy, still hiding, shivered at the harsh sound of Peter’s voice. Rumplestilstkin smiled bitterly at the boy. They’d known each other for a long time, since Rumplestilskin had been a little boy himself, young, fragile, with unending love in his tender heart.

Once upon a time, there was a little boy who dreamed of Neverland, as most children did. The boy wasn’t happy – he had no mother, and his father wasn’t much of a father. Gambling, stealing, drinking, the man was like a child, trapped in an older man’s body. Responsibilities were burdens he could never carry.

And yet, the young Rumplestilskin wasn’t tempted to leave to Neverland, even if he knew he only had to follow the Shadow that hovered by his window. He even told his father of this magical place he dreamed about, where children could always be children, and where human being could fly.

Rumple loved his father too much to leave him. 

But the man saw, in his son’s tale, the opportunity to escape the world he thought unfit for him. That night, when the Shadow hovered at the window, it was the father who tried to follow it, begging the Shadow to let him come to Neverland, let him be a child again. He wanted to take his son’s place.

The Shadow refused. When Pan discovered what the adult had attempted to do, he grew furious. He came to the man’s house himself. In front of his Rumplestilskin’s horrified eyes, Pan tore the man’s shadow from his body, capturing it to bring back to Neverland.

Pan then turned to the little boy, who was crying in the corner. He didn’t understand why the boy cried – he was now free of his uncaring father, wasn't he ? Pan offered the boy to come to Neverland with him, where he could have fun, always.

The child refused.

There would be others after him, of course. Others that would refuse Neverland, or want to leave it.

But Peter Pan always remembered Rumplestilskin as the boy who had been the first to refuse him.

Over the years, the two would run into each other, several times. Pan grew to know the boy he had once seen, crying and blubbering on the floor, as the Dark One, a rare being whose power could rival his.

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, Peter Pan feared him, if only slightly. Because in refusing Neverland, in the first place, the young Rumple had, for a moment, instilled doubt in his grand mind : if Pan's kingdom was as mighty as he thought, then why did a young boy with nothing else in the world refuse to go ? It was unbearably grating to the Neverland ruler. 

In that moment, though, the eternal boy wondered why he'd been so wary of Rumplestiltskin. All he saw before him, now, was an old man, crippled by the ghost of his father. He, on the contrary, was Peter Pan, strong as ever, on the verge of saving the island, and getting everything he wanted once and for all.

-          As a matter of fact, Rumplestiltskin said. I had the pleasure of meeting him again, on you island. I saw his Shadow. It was your mistake, to take him.

-          Do you really think I fear you ? Pan said with a loud laugh. I don’t, _Rumple_ – you’ve always been a thorn in my side, nothing more. Just another game.

-          You may not fear me, the man retorted. But I dare say you _need_ me.

That assertion made Pan laugh even more, and Wendy fought to hold her breath, wondering what Rumplestiltskin was playing at :

-          I don’t need anything ! he said proudly. I have everything I need.

-          Do you, really ? Gold said. Because if you take Henry’s heart – Neverland won’t be yours, anymore. You won’t be King.

-          I will _always_ be King of Neverland, Peter declared.

-          But you won’t control it, like you used to, Gold said. You’ll have to control Henry, to control the island. Wouldn’t it be simpler for you to have things go back to where they were ? When your heart was unburdened, _free_ , fully devoted to your island.

Peter narrowed his eyes at Gold suspiciously, and Wendy held her breath, confused, puzzled. What was the man doing ? Hadn’t he said he needed to make Peter choose something over Neverland ? Why was he trying to play on his devotion to the land ?

-          Your manipulations won’t work on me, Rumplestiltskin, Peter stated, unwaveringly arrogant. You forget who I am ! You forget I knew you as a little, weak, _pasty_ boy – I’m not afraid of you.

-          Oh, but you are, Gold said. You’ve always been, in some way. I am the Dark one – my power could match yours, easily, and I know you, Pan. I know you all too well.

-          You want me dead, Peter stated. Why should I listen to you ?

-          I do. Oh, I do. But I want to save my grandson more. Which is why I’m willing to make you a deal.

 _A deal_ ? Wendy thought. Oh, how she hated Gold in that moment, for holding back on her – why hadn’t he told them what he planned to do ? Why hadn’t he told her, if she was so instrumental to it ?

Peter raised a skeptical eyebrow, but Rumplestiltskin was one step ahead of him. He pulled a small vial from the inside of his coat – he held it between his fingers, the light of the moon making the pale liquid shimmer in its glow.

-          See this little potion ? the Dark one said. I gave it to a young princess, once. She was in a hurry to forget the one she loved – too painful, see ? All memories of him were erased. Gone. Her heart was deliciously empty of love. Now, doesn’t that sound _tempting_ to you ?

Wendy’s heart stopped for a second.

 _No, no, no_ , she thought fervently. _This couldn’t be it – this couldn’t be the plan, no, no, it couldn’t be…_

Meanwhile, Peter stared at the little bottle, a hesitant interest in his eyes as he admired the sparkly glimmer coming from it. His expression betrayed the emotions that whirled inside of him, but he composed himself so quickly that Gold only caught a glimpse of it :

-          Why would I want this ? he said defiantly. What makes you think _love_ is my problem ?

-          You used to be a more gifted actor, Rumplestiltskin retorted with no hesitation. This time, you weren’t hard to figure out. It wasn’t hard to figure out what changed in Neverland, or _when_ it changed – the key was her. Wendy.

Peter’s reaction was quick, visceral, and it ripped Wendy to the core : 

-          Wendy Darling means _nothing_ to me, he snapped.

-          You and I both know that’s a lie, Rumplestiltskin said calmly. She’s the source of your problems. All you have to do is erase it. I’m surprised the thought didn’t cross your mind sooner.

Wendy silently begged Gold to stop, for Peter to refuse – the idea that he might forget her was impossible to endure. Those sides of him she had glimpses would disappear forever, and there would be no bringing him back. She knew, in the back of her mind, that if Pan could save Neverland all on his own, that meant he would let Henry go, but she couldn’t stand it.

She didn’t want him to forget her. She didn’t want him to stop _loving_.

-          If I take this, Peter said slowly. I’ll forget Wendy ?  

Wendy wanted to scream, and Gold fought back a smile, while Peter stared at the crystal vial.

The boy watched it intensely, his indecision written all over his face. He was reluctant, but tempted. Wendy dared to peek her head past the rock and she saw him, standing a few feet from Rumplestiltskin, the golden glow of the rock reflected on his pale face. Slowly, he raised his hand and suddenly, Wendy couldn’t stand it – she stood from where she was, and lunged forward before she could stop herself.

-          No ! she shouted. Peter, no !

Gold glanced in her direction. Instead of anger, there was a quiet satisfaction in his eyes, as though this had been what he wanted all along, but Wendy was too busy staring at Peter to notice it. The boy looked up, his face changing when he noticed Wendy. A plethora of emotions washed over him – happiness at seeing her, surprise, reluctance, anger, hurt. He closed the hand he was starting to take the vial in his hand.

-          Go away, he said roughly. Leave me.

-          No, Wendy said, shaking her head. No, I won’t – Peter, please…

Gold stepped aside quietly, letting the situation unfold – Wendy took a few steps towards Peter, but the boy backed away as though she was made of flames.

-          No, he said. _No_.

-          You’ll forget she even existed, Rumplestilskin said at once, studying Peter’s face carefully. You’ll see her face – and not know who she is. She could cry, beg on her knees, it won’t change a thing. You won’t remember her.

Peter stared back at Gold, conflicted, looking, for once, like the young boy she was. Wendy felt desperation gnaw at her stomach.

-          Don’t drink it, she begged. Peter, no, please…

-          Wendy…

-          Let me talk, she said, seizing the front of his shirt. I promise you – I wasn’t lying to you, earlier. You have to believe me. I wasn’t – I wasn’t manipulating you. I meant what I said – I meant it, when I said I wanted you to come back with me, you can still do it…

-          Leave me be, Wendy !

-          No ! Peter, you can still let Henry go, you can still come back…

-          Stop, he growled, grabbing her shoulders. Stop. I don’t want to go with you. I don’t want you. I want nothing do to with you.

-          You’re lying ! Wendy retorted. I know you’re lying, Peter Pan !

-          Why did you bring her here ? Pan barked at Gold, his eyes betraying his fury. _Why_ ?

-          I thought seeing her might confirm that you needed to forget her, Rumplestilstskin replied with a smile. Was I wrong ?

-          No ! Wendy shouted, turning towards Gold, refusing to let go of Peter. Was that really your _plan_ ? Banishing the love from his heart ?

-          I’m doing what I have to to save my grandson, dearie, Gold retorted, no trace of mercy on his face. Sorry.

-          He’s right, Peter murmured, realization dawning on his face. He’s right – he’s right.

Wendy looked up at Peter, horror slowly appearing in her eyes. Peter was looking at her, but he wasn’t seeing her – his gaze was numb, but determined.

-          He’s right, he said. I need to forget you, Wendy. I need to save Neverland.

-          Peter !

-          Don’t you dare try and stop me ! Peter said, roughly pushing her away, his angry voice cracking. Not when _you_ ’re the one who caused all this !

Wendy stumbled backwards under the force of Peter’s push. She shook her head fervently.

-          Let him do it, Gold said. It’s the way to save Henry. You know that.

Wendy wanted to protest, bitterly betrayed, but she couldn’t. She wished she could do something, anything, but she didn’t want to condemn Henry. But if Pan became strong once again, would he let the others leave, anyway ? Would he let the Boys, who had been promised a home, get away from him ?

-          No, she choked out. Peter…

-          Give it to me, Peter said, extending his hand to Gold, his gaze breaking away from Wendy. _Give it to me._

Wendy tried to stop Gold, tried to lunge forward, but Peter caught the vial easily – and Gold seized both of her arms, holding her back.

-          No ! Wendy shouted, struggling. Peter, no !

Peter stared at the potion, looking oddly fascinated, but there was no happiness, no triumph on his face. There was relief, but mostly, he looked reluctant, yet grimly determined. Wendy froze as he got rid of the cap with one quick movement. It was though suddenly, everything was moving in slow motion. Peter stared and stared at it, unmoving, for what seemed like an eternity.

-          Do it, Pan, Gold edged him on. Do it – choose Neverland. Choose Neverland over her.

Peter raised the elixir towards his mouth, his lips parting. But before he drank, he looked up, and met Wendy’s gaze.

In that moment, there was unmistakeable agony, longing and regret in his eyes. He blinked, and Wendy could feel her heart shatter in pieces in her chest.

This couldn't be happening. 

Holding back a sob, she shut her eyes, unable to look, unable to face the sight of Peter’s love disappearing from his eyes…

There was a glass-shattering sound, and Wendy opened her eyes, stunned, her lips parting in disbelief and hope.

Peter had crushed the vial in his hand. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look ! Gold/Pan backstory (and nobody's even related this is why I don't write this show)


	11. Of destruction and farewell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter Pan makes his choice.

Wendy stared in disbelief. Surprise, awe, happiness took over her heart despite everything – she forgot about Henry, she forgot about the situation. She only saw that one, clear truth, bright as day, which had just been exposed to her.

Peter Pan had chosen her.

He looked just as stunned as she felt.

He stared at his hand: the shards from the glass vial were etched into his skin, but he didn’t seem to feel the pain. He looked from his palm to the ground, where the liquid had fallen. His chest heaved quickly as he panted, completely astonished by what he had just done. After a few seconds, he looked up, and he met Wendy’s eyes at last.

His expression changed drastically. He stumbled on his feet, like a child learning to walk and, with a breathless gasp, he raised his hand towards her, beckoning her towards him wordlessly. Gold let Wendy go without a struggle and, sobbing, the girl ran and flung herself into Peter’s embrace.

He wrapped her into his arms tightly, burying his face against her neck – she could feel his heart beat rapidly in his chest. He had trouble breathing, he was shaking - she had never seen him so vulnerable. 

Wendy was incredulous, euphoric, overwhelmed - as for Peter, he felt an odd sort of freedom, as though a leash had been loosened on his heart at long last. Her previous betrayal had hurt _so much_ \- as he'd left her in the cage, he hadn't been able to look back at her. He had felt his ribcage shatter under the weight of his pain - as he'd walked away, back into the woods, ready to inflict more torture of the adults who had dared to invade his island, sobs had tore at his chest, constricting his throat. He'd tasted the salt of his tears before he had realized he was crying.

Peter Pan didn't cry.

And yet, now, he was tearing up again as Wendy - his Wendy, _his Wendy-bird_ \- was in his arms, again. It was as though he had been waiting for her for an eternity. 

-          Wendy, he choked out, his voice breaking. Wendy…

-          Peter… I thought you were going to…

-          I can’t, he breathed against her hair, his uninjured hand cradling her head. I can’t – never. I wouldn’t forget you, ever. Not for anything...

-          Oh, Peter, Wendy whispered, tear staining her cheeks. Peter…

-          Shush, the boy murmured, leaning down to look at her. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

He kissed her lips, her cheeks, her forehead, and held her close to him once again, inhaling her scent. Wendy choked back a sob, clinging to him like she hadn’t in a long time. She didn’t care how much of James he had in him, or how much of Peter. Whoever he had been, whoever he was now, he had chosen her over power, he had taken the hard road, the one with love on it. She wouldn’t have believed it if she hadn’t felt the overwhelming whirlwind that was taking over her heart. Her fingers twisted in the fabric of his shirt, and she sobbed frantically, unable to hold back.

-          You … you…

 _“You chose me”_ , she wanted to say, to cry out, still disbelieving, unbelievably moved. Peter lifted her chin up again, capturing her lips with his. She could still feel him tremble beneath her touch – he seemed to be as shaken as she was. He pressed his forehead against hers, his eyes closing for a moment, before he cradled her head again, pressing her face against his neck possessively. He rested his chin on her hair, then looked towards Gold, wrath slowly seeping into his gaze again.

-          You were wrong to try and take her from me, he stated, quiet, dangerously restrained ferociousness in his tone. Wrong move, _Rumple_.

-          I beg to differ, the man replied at once, an odd smile appearing on his lips.

-          Really ? Because I still have your grandson ! Peter shot back arrogantly. And I’m not giving him back. Not until I’ve gotten what I need.

Wendy looked up, ready to protest, ready to convince Peter otherwise, but she heard Rumplestiltskin chuckle, and a sense of dread overtook her suddenly.

-          You see, I doubt that, the Dark one said, the satisfaction he had been feeling finally coming to the surface. Because you’re the one who made the mistake, Pan. Just like I knew you would. You’re too arrogant – you think you can just have it all, don’t you ?

-          But I can, Peter said, his arms still firmly around Wendy. I can, and I will !

-          No. You can’t. And you know why ? Because you _made your choice_.

Wendy stopped breathing, stopped feeling – she started to feel her knees give out underneath her, and it was only Peter’s firm grip that held her up on her legs.

She remembered the words Gold had said, earlier – how could she have forgotten, even blinded by her emotions ?

The key to Pan’s defeat was his heart. If he chose something over Neverland, he would bring about his own defeat.

And that was exactly what she had driven him into doing.

She felt like breaking down into sobs, but she stood completely frozen. Peter watched Rumplestiltskin, slow realization coming over his face and suddenly, he let go of Wendy, wincing, stumbling backwards, clutching at his heart in pain.

Skull Rock, in his entirety, trembled as Peter Pan fell to his knees on the stone cold ground.

A few levels higher, Pan’s illusions faded, and Henry, who had been standing behind a magical veil, saw his family appear to him. They rushed towards him, while he stepped back, telling them what Pan had told him, that he needed to give up his heart to save magic, to save them all…

While the caring family tried to convince the boy of his captor’s lies, Peter collapsed on the ground, and Wendy dropped to her knees next to him, desperate tears appearing in her eyes.

-          Peter ! she cried out. Peter !

-          What – what’s happening to me ? Peter muttered, in pain and confusion, his eyes seeking Wendy’s.

-          It’s very simple, Pan, Gold answered, basking in his victory. You showed your devotion to Neverland had its limits. Now, the island’s magic won’t keep that little body of yours alive anymore.

-          _No_ ! Wendy shouted, turning to Gold. Please, do something – help him !

-          Even if I wanted to – _and I don’t_ – I couldn’t. There’s nothing we can do for him. Magic kept him alive while his heart fueled in the island. Now that it won’t, why should he get live at all ?

Wendy, furiously refusing to believe this could be the end, turned back to Peter, who looked distressed, panicked. He looked every inch of the little boy he’d wanted to remain. His fist clutched at his chest as he gasped, but he focused his gaze on Wendy when she looked at him.

-          Wendy, he said fervently, bringing a hand to her face. Wendy, I…

-          Peter, she answered, clasping his hand fiercely. Peter…

-          You’re crying again.

-          I know, Wendy sobbed, unable to restrain herself.

-          I told you not to cry, Peter quietly ordered. Don’t cry, birdie. It takes more than that to… to bring me down…

A smug grin shone through his agony, and Wendy smiled back painfully, tears on her face. Peter's eyes closed again in agony, and a terrible, painful ache came over Wendy's chest, knocking all the air out of her. Soon, she heard voices behind her. The others were here, with Henry, but Wendy paid them no attention. There was another tremble underneath her feet, but all she could see was Peter - she pressed her lips to his forehead, then to his lips. 

-          We have to go, Emma said, an arm tightly wrapped around Henry. I don’t know what’s going on with the rock, but it’s not good.

-          It’s not just Skull Rock, Gold said. It’s the whole island. It’s going to collapse on itself.

-          Then, let’s go, Regina said impatiently. Let’s go, now.

-          Wait.

Baelfire had noticed Wendy’s form, leaning over Peter’s body – he looked at her for a second, and called to her :

-          Wendy. Wendy, we need to leave. Now.

Wendy barely heard his voice, clinging to Peter’s hand. She pressed a kiss to the boy’s palm, her mind reeling - what could she do, what _should_ she do ? 

-          I’m sorry, Peter, she murmured, torn apart by guilt. I’m sorry…

-          Wendy, Baelfire repeated louder. Wendy, _we can’t stay here_. It’s too dangerous.

-          No ! Wendy shouted, turning towards him, tears in her eyes. No – I can’t leave him, I can’t just let him _die_ !

-          What the hell is this ? Regina asked impatiently. She’s having a _crisis_ _now_ ?

-          We have to go, Emma said urgently.

-          Let’s take him with us, Wendy said suddenly, desperately. Maybe – maybe we can find… something…

-          I told you, Gold said with impatience. There’s nothing that can save him now – he cannot survive without his heart.

-          His heart, Wendy murmured suddenly, lifting her head in realization. His heart – his _heart_. If we put it back, if he gets it back, will he live ?

She turned to look at Gold while Pan’s face shone with hope, before another shot of pain twisted in his chest, making him wince out loud. There was such fear, such terror on the boy's face that Wendy felt as though her chest was being ripped apart.  She looked to Gold, imploring. Regina looked highly irritated, worried by the chaos starting to unleash all around them. 

-          I thought we came to kill him, Regina remarked, glancing at Gold. Now, you want to _save_ him ?

-          I don’t, Gold snapped. We’re leaving.

-          Will it work ? Wendy repeated loudly. Tell me – just tell me !

-          I wouldn’t help save _him_ in a million years, dearie.

-          Papa.

Baelfire’s voice rose, hesitant, trembling, but calm. Rumplestiltskin turned towards his son, moved despite himself by seeing his son address him with such familiarity.

-          Just tell her, Baelfire asked quietly. Tell her if it will work.

-          Bae, Gold said gravely. Pan is a monster. He tormented, he killed…

-          I know, the man replied. I know he did horrible things. But so did you.

Wendy threw a grateful glance at Bae. The man had no desire to save Pan, it was true. The boy had tormented him, and many others, had taken his _son_ from him. He wasn’t doing this out of the goodness of his heart. He was doing this for Wendy, because he saw the despair in her eye clear as day. 

And because Baelfire knew that, even at his father’s worst, with all his crimes, he would have tried to save him, too, in the face of death. Baelfire knew of love, too. 

Gold’s expression shifted. His desire for revenge against Pan was strong, almost strong enough to make him refuse, but the look in his son’s eyes made his resolve waver.

-          It might, he finally said.

Wendy almost let out a relieved sob, and turned to Peter, squeezing his hand in hers, glowing with newfound hope. 

-          Peter – your heart, where is it ? You said it was in the island – where is it ?

-          In the heart of the rock, Peter said, closing his eyes under the weight crushing his chest. There.

Slowly, he pointed to the large, glass cage that shone in the middle of the room – Wendy quickly nodded, pressed a kiss to Peter’s hand, and stood up, striding towards it.

Another shake from the core of the island made her stumble on her feet.

-          We need to go, Regina said. I’m not risking our son’s life for Pan.

-          She’s right, Emma said, clinging to Henry.

-          Go, Baelfire said at once. Go – I’ll stay with Wendy. We’ll catch up with you on the ship.

-          Neal, no, Emma protested, her eyes widening.

-          Bae, Gold chided, taking a step towards his son.

-          I’m not leaving her, Baelfire stated firmly. I’m not leaving Wendy here. She’s _family_.

Meanwhile, Wendy walked towards the glass construction – she grabbed a rock from the floor and banged against the glass roughly, gathering all the strength she had to get to Peter's heart. 

-          I’ll stay too, Gold finally stated. I’ll make sure the island doesn’t crush them.

Father and son exchanged a meaningful glance, and Regina immediately moved to take Henry’s arm.

-          Let’s go, then, she said curtly.

-          Be careful, Emma said, staring directly at Baelfire, while Henry looked at his father with worry. 

-          I will, the man assured. I’ll see you both soon, all right ?

He nodded, and the two mothers dragged Henry away from the scene. Gold sighed, threw a hateful glare at Pan’s squirming form, and looked towards the struggling Wendy.

-          Can you help her ? Baelfire said.

Reluctant, but willing to do this for his son, Gold moved, stepping over Pan’s body.

-          Move, he told the girl curtly. You’re accomplishing nothing. This needs magic. 

Wendy moved back, breathless, sweating, while Gold rose up his arms. There was another tremble from the earth, but the man didn’t lose his concentration. Wendy watched, anxious, shaking from desperation. Some sand fell from the stone roof as the island shook, and Wendy could almost hear the waves crashing outside furiously on the beach.

-          _Wendy_.

At first, Wendy didn’t hear, too busy waiting for Rumplestiltskin to succeed – but Bae touched her shoulder, very slightly, and motioned towards Pan.

Peter was calling her, his eyes searching for her – she could see his face had already gotten paler. When she knelt down next to him, his skin felt cold to the touch, and she fought against the pain in her chest, trying to keep up hope, clinging to the idea of success.

-          Wendy, Peter murmured, grabbing her hand and bringing it to his lips. My Wendy…

-          I’m here, Peter, she answered, pressing a kiss to his forehead. We’re there – we’re going to save you…

There was another, stronger shudder, and a piece of rock crumbled, falling to the ground where the others had stood earlier. Gold gritted his teeth in utter frustration, while Baelfire stood around in fear, looking from his father to Wendy in growing worry.

-          The island, Peter whispered. It’s dying.

He looked so utterly broken, devastated by this idea, even more than by his own impending death, that Wendy wanted nothing more than to wrap him into her arms and hold him again. 

-          I know, she answered, tears constricting her throat. I’m sorry…

-          Don’t be, Peter said.

There was none of his past darkness, of his grand arrogance or harshness in his eyes. His body no longer held the force or energy to be cruel, vindictive. All that had gone before the rest. In the face of death, Peter Pan was frightened, but the rapidity with which he felt his own fate descend upon him made him oddly accepting, almost serene.

-          To die, he murmured, would be an awfully big adventure.

-          _No_ , Wendy growled painfully. No, Peter, no …

She felt the ground move underneath her, and she fought back a sob, bowing her head. Peter used his remaining force to lift her chin so she would face him. His eyes were sad, frightened, but soft :

-          Go, he whispered. Go, before it’s too late.

-          No… Peter, no, I want… I want to save you.

-          You can’t.

-          I can, and I will ! Wendy furiously sobbed, determination shining through the anguish. 

-          You sound like me.

The sound of Peter’s little admiring chuckle almost ripped her apart. She glanced towards Gold, who was still using magic on the glass, to no avail so far. He could manage, he was powerful, he was the Dark one - Wendy believed that he could do it... he had to... 

But she also knew that if the island continued to tremble, even Baelfire’s plea wouldn’t make Rumplestiltskin remain. He would take his son, perhaps her too, and leave Peter to die. He wouldn’t sacrifice his life and Baelfire’s for his enemy.

Wendy could hardly blame him. But that meant that slowly, the candle of hope burning bright in her soul was beginning to waver.

-          Peter, she murmured, turning her eyes back towards him, terrified, regretful. Peter, I…

-          Go, he repeated softly, as though he could hardly speak anymore. Go. There’s no need for you to die, too.

She didn’t want to die, she didn’t want to drag Baelfire into death with her, but she couldn’t bring herself to abandon Peter – she didn’t have the heart to give up, to leave him facing death alone... 

-          Wendy, Peter repeated softly. Please - go. Go. 

-          No... 

\-          Baelfire. 

The call came weak from Peter's lips - but Bae heard. Slowly, the man Pan had chased as a boy looked at him, his expression unreadable. 

-       What, Pan ?

-       Go, Peter said forcefully, his breathing shallow, ragged. Take – take Wendy, go, all of you…

-       Peter, no, Wendy repeated, while Baelfire remained silent.

-       I don’t want you to die. I have to protect you. 

A wretched, painful sob shook Wendy's body as Peter looked at her, pale, weakened, but a shining determination in his eyes still. His fingers brushed softly against Wendy's cheek, and he gave her a quick nod, as though motioning for her to go. 

-          I love you, she said desperately, in one last attempt to bring him back.

She needed him to know – needed him to understand, needed to instill all the light she could in his soul, even during his darkest, bleakest moments…

She saw Pan’s lips move into the ghost of a smile. He took one last look at her, his gaze warm, tender, longing, even now. His eyes fluttered shut, and his head fell back on the ground.

-          I…

The word died on his lips, and his hand fell limp from Wendy’s face, landing on his unmoving chest.

-          Peter ? Peter ! Peter ! Wendy cried out in anguish. No, Peter !

Tearing her eyes away from Peter’s pale, still face, she turned towards the others. Her eyes met Baelfire’s regretful ones and then, she saw that the glass behind him and his father was vanishing into millions of tiny, transparent particles in the air.

At last, the Dark One had pushed through. 

With a wave of Gold’s magic, a small chest, burning bright from the inside, rose into the air and into the man’s hands. He opened it, and Wendy immediately jumped to her feet. On shaky legs, she lunged forward, and grabbed, from inside the box, Peter’s heart.

Something inside of it shone golden, yet parts of it bled red, as though the heart itself had been wounded, rendered raw. But most of it was blackened, dark, decayed.

And yet, it was the amber glow that won out, burning even more brightly from the red colors underneath.

Wendy dropped to her knees once more next to Peter’s limp body. The island shook, once more and this time, rocks crumbled all around them. Wendy didn’t hesitate : with all her force, all the belief she could muster, she thrust Peter’s heart back into his chest.

She gazed at him, hopeful, holding her breath. She believed – she had faith, this would work, she could save Peter, because he couldn’t die like this – through it all, he was just a boy, he could still _love_ , and he deserved a chance, a chance to find redemption, someday…

Peter didn’t move.

-          Why ? Wendy said, her voice shaking under the weight of her anxiety. Why isn’t this _working_ ?

-          You were too late, Gold stated simply.

-          No. _No_ …

-          There’s nothing else you can do. He’s gone.

Wendy shuddered with her whole being, staring wide-eyed, incredulous at Peter’s lifeless face, still angelically beautiful in death – a loud cry erupted from her chest, tearing her apart, and wretched, horrified sobs shook her body.

She felt strong arms pull her away – she fought back, her hands shaking, trying to clutch at Peter’s body. But the stone was crumbling around them as Baelfire pulled her away from Pan. Wendy watched, powerless, falling limp into her friend’s arms as rocks and sand came crashing down, soon blocking Peter’s body from view. She let out a strangled cry as he disappeared completely from her sight.

He was gone.

She had lost him.

Peter Pan was dead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ........... Go on. Start hating me right now.


	12. Of dark nights and dawns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wendy tries to deal with the aftermath of what happened at Skull Rock.

For minutes, all Wendy could hear was gasps, tumbles, and crashes. Everything became a blur, and even later, she never could recall how Baelfire and his father had gotten her back to the ship. It was like time had stopped. The next thing she knew, they were sailing away on the _Jolly Roger_ as the sea raged around them.

The first thing she truly remembered seeing was Felix’s face, while he stared at the collapsing island in the horizon. Soon, he turned to her and met her eyes.

When he saw her face, he knew. It was written in her expression. 

Wendy saw Felix's jaw clench and his eyes darken – he looked away before she could see his face crumbling.

He  _knew_. Wendy was somewhere between complete heartbreak and total numbness.

The more they sailed away from the island, the calmer the sea became.

Wendy found herself standing, like an ethereal statue, on the deck, staring in the distance, tears slowly drying on her pale cheeks, removed from the happiness others were sharing. They had succeeded – they had gotten Henry, defeated Peter Pan, and now, they were going home... But Wendy couldn’t share in the joy, the relief. She was completely in shock. There were a million thoughts going through her head but somehow, they all weaved together into some sort of quiet apathy, threatening to reveal the raw pain lying underneath. 

-          Wendy.

A soft voice tore her from her numbness – she looked up to see Baelfire. He placed a gentle hand on her back, and his expression, while one of compassion, was one of happiness at being reunited with his son.

-          Are you okay ? he asked.

-          Yes, she said automatically.

She looked upon her old friend, and a little twinge of pain, guilt shone through the cold she felt.

-          I’m okay, she murmured. I’m sorry – I put you in danger. Your father too.

She spoke softly, calmly, like she was dreaming. Baelfire shook his head quickly.

-          Hey, he said. It was all our fault you were in danger in the first place – don’t worry about it. Honestly, if the situation had been reversed ... I would have tried, too.

Wendy grew quiet, bowing her head, swallowing.

-          Listen, Wendy, Bae started after a moment. I know … I know this wasn’t easy for you. I wish I could say something – I wish I could do something...

-          I know. It’s okay. It’s over – it’s done. Pan is dead. We won.

Her own voice sounded distant, different than her own to her ears, but she didn’t cry. She had no tears left. Balefire’s concern only seemed to grow at that fact. 

-          Don’t worry about me, she said quietly. You got your son back – you should be celebrating. Go be with Henry – I’ll be okay. I promise.

She forced a smile. She could tell her friend was torn between his affection towards her, and the desire to be with his son. Finally, Baelfire nodded.

-          Find me if you need me, okay ?

-          Okay.

She gave him another smile, but looked away as he went back to his family. She shivered in the cold wind of the sea. The night was dark, darker than ever as they sailed away from Neverland. The blackness of the sky threatened to engulf the delicate girl that stared into its emptiness. 

Tink came to find her next, tentative, compassionate. Wendy gave her a tight smile, her emotions threatening to push through the torpor when she saw the fairy’s saddened eyes fall upon her.

-          Wendy, Tink told her. Are you…

-          I’m fine. I will be.

-          I’m sorry.

Wendy glanced towards the fallen fairy, reflecting for one brief second on how different they both were from the first time they’d met. The years hadn’t been easy on Tinkerbell – they had made her harsher, more willing to survive, but she still retained that warm, soft kindness that Wendy had first liked about her. Still, in the moment, it did very little to soothe her. 

-          If I was still a real fairy, Tink continued, I’d find… something, a spell, anything, to make you feel better.

-          You’re still a fairy, Wendy said quietly. Even without wings. I’ve always believed in you, Tink.

A tight, touched smile appeared on the fairy’s face :

-          I know, she said softly. If I can do anything…

-          Thank you, Wendy told her. But there’s nothing you can do.

Tinkerbell’s gentle hand rested on Wendy’s shoulder, and she squeezed it gently.

-          The pain will fade, you know, she murmured. You’ll get through this, Wendy. You’re free of him, now.

Freedom had never tasted so sour, but Wendy nodded softly, still too in shock to truly process the fairy's words. Tink gave her shoulder another squeeze, and walked away. 

After Henry had gone to rest in the captain’s quarters, Hook was the one to find Wendy next. She was lingering around the ship wheel, thoughtfully staring at it, remembering the first time she had seen it.

-          Hello, lass.

The captain’s voice came from behind her, low, subdued. Wendy turned and noticed Killian Jones’ eyes on her. He didn’t pretend to mourn Pan (even if maybe, somewhere inside, a part of him did). He simply looked at the girl with a quiet, matter-of-fact understanding. He pulled out his flask, and brought a finger to his lips.

-          Don’t tell the others, he said with a little conniving smile.

Wendy wanted to laugh, but she didn’t remember how. She took the flask, hesitating (after all, she wasn’t a teenager, not really – she had lived too long to be one), but soon gave it back to Hook, shaking her head.

-          No, thank you, she said.

-          Are you sure ? Drinking helps. It numbs the pain.

-          Thank you, but no.

-          As you wish.

He nodded at her, bowing quickly, then retreated, sensing that the girl wanted to be alone. He wasn’t the type to linger on anyone’s pain, whether it was his, or others’. He couldn't have comforted her, anyway. 

Ultimately, there was only person Wendy wanted to talk to. Only one who could understand, if not fully, what she was going through. She grabbed a flask of water, crossed the deck, and went to sit with Felix.

He was huddled in a corner, alone, away from the other boys – most of them stuck together, speculating about the family they were going to find him, while others mourned Pan – Felix talked to none. Mourning wasn’t even the word for him.

When Wendy handed him the water, he looked up at her, quietly seething. 

-          Not. Thirsty, he said in his usual monotone. 

Wendy still sat next to him, her legs giving out at last. Felix refused to look at her, staring blankly ahead of himself. Wendy watched for a moment, hypnotized by the soft, regular movements of his silhouette as he breathed in and out, again, and again. 

-          It’s my fault he died, she said bluntly. Did they tell you ?

Felix didn’t answer, simply gritting his teeth – but Wendy could tell he was listening.

-          Rumplestiltskin made him choose – Neverland, or me, she continued. He chose me. And that killed him.

Felix’s eyes were on her at once, savage, resentful, pained :

-          And I bet that makes you really happy, doesn’t it ? he hissed.

He didn’t truly believe it, but pain, anger made him lash out at the easiest target : the girl who had brought the mighty to his knees. At Felix’s reproachful tone, Wendy finally felt a real, tangible emotion rise up through the frost of her heart – she narrowed her eyes, clenched her jaw, and said, an edge of resentment to her tone :

-          Why shouldn’t I be happy ? He abused me, held me against my will, threatened me, time and time again. He locked me up, he used my brother’s lives against me – I have every,  _every_  reason to rejoice in his death.

-          Then do, Felix spat out, barely concealed rage shining in his eyes. Go,  _Wendy-bird_ , go dance on Peter Pan’s _grave_ – just do it _away. from. me._

-          He did bad things to you too, you know, Wendy said, the words pouring out of her, bitter, vindictive, pushy. To all the boys.

-          Shut. Your. Mouth.

-          He did all he wanted,  _always_ , without caring who he hurt in the process. He hurt you, too – do you think I didn’t figure it out, Felix ? Do you really think I don’t know you got this scar because of  _him_  ?

Wendy couldn’t stop speaking, her emotions raw, her heart ready to burst underneath the weight of her pain, her resentment, her guilt. Guilt for loving him, guilt for watching him die, guilt for wishing he was alive, guilt for being glad he was dead, all at once. Tears burned at her eyes, and Felix glared back at her ferociously.

-          If he was here, he would make you pay for this, he seethed.

-          But he’s not, Wendy replied, her voice raising. He’s not here – and he’s never going to be again, Felix.  _Never_.

Her voice suddenly gave out, breaking, and a sob died in her throat. Her chest heaved painfully, and she buried her face into her hands. Sobs shook her mercilessly. She didn't even feel - her body was reacting faster than her mind. Felix watched, and said nothing.

-          I tried, she said, lifting her chin up, her eyes brimming with tears. I tried – I tried to save him … he  _loved_  me. He loved me and all this time, I thought he couldn’t love anything, or  _anyone_ , but he loved me, and he died for it, and I don’t understand  _why_. _  
_

She didn’t even care if Felix had no sympathy, no compassion for her. She wasn’t looking for comfort. She simply needed to let it out, to talk to someone who wouldn’t try to tell her it was for the best, that Peter was bad for her anyway – she knew all this. She knew all this, but it brought her no comfort.

-          You never understood him, Felix said quietly, his eyes on the floor. Not many could.

-           _You_ did, Wendy whispered in a broken voice.

-          Not always.

Wendy let out another, soft cry, her chest aching so much that she could hardly sit up anymore. It was unbearable, tearing her up inside – and there was no way of making it fade. Felix watched her for a moment as she bit back tears, her chin trembling, her teeth digging into her lower lip, wetness trailing down her reddened cheeks.

-          I’m not going to make you feel better, you know, he said harshly. I don’t care how you feel.

He was lying, and she knew it. But it didn't hurt her. She simply took it, shaking her head, trying to breathe : 

-          They’re all going to tell me it’s good he’s dead, she murmured, ignoring Felix’s cruel assertion. They’re all going to say that.

-          I thought you’d agree.

-          He deserved a chance, she said, her voice raspy, catching in her throat. He deserved a chance to…

-          To what ? Felix said with a bitter sneer. To make amends ? To become  _good_  ?

Wendy shut her eyes, as memories flashed through her mind – all those times James had held her, confided in her, all those stolen moments during which Peter had been gentle, tender, protective, longing, loving…

-          He wouldn’t have taken it, Felix declared at last, his eyes fixated on Wendy’s face. He didn’t want redemption. He was who he was. He would have thrown goodness back into your face.

Wendy buried her face into her hands, sighing heavily, her breath coming out in low, shallow gasps.

Felix wasn’t wrong, and she knew it.

Even if she had brought Peter back, even if she had saved him, what would have happened next ? She might have been able to drag him back to Storybrooke with her but, even with his heart back in his chest, did that mean he stopped being  _Peter Pan_  ?

Chances were that even the love he held for her wouldn’t have changed him. He would have remained arrogant, dangerous, possessive to a fault. He would have stayed unwilling to deal with the world as it was, always looking for a way to mold the rules to his gain, refusing to bend to anything, to anyone.

There was no true love to be found with Pan, Tinkerbell had told her, what seemed like an eternity ago. She had been wrong, because Wendy had known Peter’s love, but it had left her with more bruises than kisses.

But he was still gone, unbearably absent, and she couldn't stop remembering his last moments, with her - he had told her to go, to save herself, words of love dying on his lips. Peter had been there, always, always, for years - haunting her, possessing her, loving her - and now, he was  _gone_. He was gone, it was her fault, and he hadn't even resented her for it. His death left her with a gaping hole inside - she felt as though she didn't know who she was without him. 

But mostly, more simply, if she forgot about her own resentment, her morality, his death just  _hurt_. It was like losing a limb. 

Felix was right : perhaps Peter would have remained the same, perhaps he wouldn't have taken the chance to change. But the possibility, the nagging thought that he might have wanted to, for her, and the very cold reality that he never would, now, was like a claw digging into her fragile heart. 

Wendy bowed her head, resting her forehead against her knees, and cried silently. Felix simply watched her trembling form, not breathing a word, his gaze watchful, almost protective.

On the other side of the deck, the Evil Queen watched pensively as the teenage girl remained in a dark corner of the ship, with one of the Lost Boys. She chewed on the inside of her cheek, and turned to Rumplestiltskin, who gazed at the horizon as they prepared themselves to go back to Storybrooke.

-          So that was your plan all along ?  she asked. To make Pan would choose the girl, and destroy himself ?

-          Yes.

-          How could you be so sure he wouldn’t take the potion ?

-          Well, even if he had, he wouldn’t have needed Henry anymore, Gold said. The plan couldn’t fail.

-          But it’s Pan we’re talking about, Regina protested with a deep frown. He wouldn’t have let us go just like that, even if he hadn’t needed Henry anymore. Chances are, he would have gone after us anyway.

-          Call it a gamble.

-          That’s an awfully big risk to take.

-          I knew he wouldn’t take the potion, Gold assured serenely. I knew he’d choose her.

-          You knew he’d choose love, Regina stated quietly, a pensive light dancing in her eyes. How ?

There was a sad smile on the man’s face as he answered, his eyes far off in the distance :

-          Because, in the end, everyone always does.

It was Baelfire who eventually came to pull Wendy to her feet. The girl, her face pale and worn, gave him a little smile as he put an arm around her shoulders. He let go of her quickly, walking towards his son as the  _Jolly Roger_  left Neverland – Wendy didn’t look back.   
They were soon thrown in the sky, bathed in the daylight as they returned to their world, leaving the magical island behind – Wendy winced as the bright light glowed, and the ship descended from the sky unto Storybrooke, as a new morning rose on the small town. 

From a distance, Wendy could see people waiting for all of them on the docks, gathering quickly. She saw John and Michael, clinging to each other in hope as they saw the flying pirate ship glide down from the clouds and reach the water.

And as the luminous sun shone some warmth upon her skin, the thought of Peter still clinging to her heart like an icy ghost, Wendy Darling closed her eyes for a moment, and found that hope was rising from her chest, glowing through the ashes of her grief.

She was free.

She was home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's still an epilogue to come. (I'm so sorry though)


	13. Of little girls and opened windows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Years later, Wendy Darling is in London once more.

_Dear Bae,_

_I’m glad to hear so soon from you ! Things are going very well here. I think I have made a few friends. My new neighbors are lovely. London is still wonderful, there are so amazing things to see and do ! Classes are great. I do miss John and Michael, and you, of course, but I’m still enjoying my life here. I can’t wait to see you for the holidays, though !_

_Say hello to everyone, especially Henry, for me._

_Take care, dear !_

_Wendy Darling_

The young woman read her postcard again, making sure there were no mistakes, proofreading with a nod – then set it into an envelope. She put it into her purse, then made her way towards the stairs outside her door.  

It was a sunny November day – the month was usually grey, rather cold, but even though it was windy, a warm sun shone through the clouds. Wendy smiled as she made her way to the mailbox on the sidewalk, right in front of her apartment building.

It felt good to be back in London. She had been there since September, starting university, and she was really starting to find her roots again. The town had changed, so much, and her heart always constricted in her chest when she passed her old family house. New people lived there now. It was a puzzling thought.  

Wendy would never know what had happened to her parents, exactly. She had seen their graves, in an old cemetery, Their death wasn’t a surprise, of course, but she would never know how they had felt when they children had disappeared. How long had they waited for them ? How long had they searched ?

Had they ever given up, had they ever been able to sleep at night again ?

It was hard but, somewhere along the way, Wendy learned to let go, and accept that she would never find out.

Letting go was something she had to do, especially after everything that happened in Neverland.

She’d spent days, weeks, months, completely broken-hearted, torn apart by guilt, loss, anger, confusion. She tried to keep her grief to herself, for so long, feeling guilty for mourning Peter – she felt like she couldn’t talk to her brothers or to anyone about it. She couldn’t reconcile James from Peter, or the Peter she had seen in his last moments from her long-time torturer. She was plagued by memories of love, hate, resentment, longing, desire – it all pooled down to some sort of odd turmoil she kept hidden, eating her inside slowly.

The only one she could have talked to was Felix, and he was gone the minute they’d reached Storybrooke.

It had taken Wendy a while to break down, sobbing into Elyse’s arms, for her to realize the pain was too strong to stay hidden anymore.  

Eventually, she began to let herself grieve, and started to move on. It took a long time, and some useful sessions with Dr Archie Hopper, for Wendy to start breathing freely again. Her last year of high school was an experience that helped; Aurelia, a wonderful friend as ever, stayed by her side, and never ceased to make her smile. Wendy reveled in the presence of her brothers, in her rekindled friendship with Bae, and in the bonds she soon forged with other people from the town. Now that the curse was broken, Storybrooke was alive, and no longer frozen into stagnation. Everyone, like Wendy, seemed to wake up from a long daze.

The young woman finally applied Baelfire’s earlier words. Once, on a bench, in the park, he had told her to accept that she had loved Peter, instead of hating herself for it, so she could move on. Of course, the situation was complicated, hardly the usual nasty break-up, but Wendy forced herself to think of it in simpler terms, to make it easier to deal with it.

She had loved Peter Pan. He had loved her too. And now, he was gone, and she needed to accept that, in order to move on with her life.  

In all this, Wendy longed for London. She missed the place – she loved Storybrooke, but it wasn’t home. So, when it became time to apply for college, she looked for options on the other side of the ocean, and got in university.

It pained her to leave her brothers behind, but Elyse and her daughters took good care of them, and Wendy didn’t plan to be in London more than a year. She felt like leaving Storybrooke behind would help her reinvent herself – there were so many memories there that they sometimes suffocated her.

She applied to photography school, and left early in the fall. She was happy, most of the time. She felt good.

The memory of Peter never truly faded, but the pain had, mostly. She was able, after a long time, to think back on him with a smile, fondly, instead of breaking down every time a thought of him surfaced. She kept him in her heart, just as he’d been : wild, volatile, consuming – _hers_. 

Wendy smiled at the sunny sky, then made her way back inside, running up the stairs to her flat.

In the hallway, she ran into someone – a smile immediately appeared, easy and friendly, on her face. A middle-aged man, dark-haired, muscular, gave her a bright smile. It was her new neighbor, who had moved into the flat right opposite hers. Playing with his keys, the man gave Wendy a wave.

-          Hi, Wendy, he said. How are you doing ?

-          Good, Wendy said enthusiastically. It’s a nice day outside.

-          Yeah, I saw that through the window. Listen, Wendy – ah, could I ask you for a favor ?

Wendy raised her eyebrows, looking quizzically at the man. His name was Tecumseh – he came from America, like her – and he was friendly, lovely man. Even if they didn’t know each other well, she really liked him so far, as well as his daughter.

-          Sure, Tec, Wendy answered. What do you need ?

-          Are you busy tomorrow night ?

-          No, I don’t think so. Why ?

-          I have this work function, Tecumseh answered, grimacing. My boss insists I attend – but I couldn’t find anyone to watch Lily. Could you…

-          Of course ! Wendy said immediately, nodding. I would love to.

-          Really ? the man said, looking hopeful.

-          Yes ! Your daughter is so nice – I don’t mind watching her at all.

-          Oh, thank you, Wendy. You’re an angel !

-          No problem at all !

Wendy had to fight back a giggle at the surprised, happy expression on the man’s face, then made her way back inside her flat. She took a look around at her small, cozy interior – her walls were covered in pictures, maps, little postcards. The place was all hers, and she always felt good when she stepped inside. She kicked off her shoes, then let herself collapse on her couch, grabbing a book and burying her nose in it.

The next night, she made her way to the flat opposite hers – Tecumseh greeted her, showed her around quickly, and gave her a number in case she needed him, assuring her he would be back before Lily’s bedtime. Wendy fought herself in the company of his daughter – a feisty, smart-mouthed eight-year old with long, dark braids and big brown eyes.

Lily wasn’t a calm girl, by any means – but she started on her homework right away, while Wendy took a little look around. She rummaged through Tecumseh’s library, looking for something to browse through for a bit – she was fascinated by his selection. Poetry, history books, old novels… her eyes fell on a worn copy of _Wuthering Heights_. A memory rushed through her as she looked at the book, frozen for a brief moment.

_-          Heathcliff bore his degradation pretty well at first, because Cathy taught him what she learnt, and worked or played with him in the fields. They both promised fair to grow up as rude as savages; the young master being entirely negligent how they behaved, and what they did, so they kept clear of him. He would not even have seen after their going to church on Sundays, only Joseph and the curate reprimanded his carelessness when they absented themselves; and that reminded him to order Heathcliff a flogging, and Catherine a fast from dinner or supper._

_Gwen stole a glance towards James : she had expected the bothersome, mocking boy to leave her alone, but he was sitting there, still watching her, as though he was listening intently. His chin was resting on his arms, and he was staring at her, his expression unreadable…_

-          All done !

Wendy tore herself from her memory, her heart beating faster than before, but gave Lily a smile. The little girl was sitting on the couch, lifting her notebook proudly. The young woman went to join her in the center of the living room. 

Soon enough, Wendy was sitting in an armchair, trying not to giggle as the little girl babbled on and on.

-          And then, Dad asked him where the train station was, but the old man had fallen asleep, Lily said, snorting. Just like that – he fell asleep ! Can you believe that ?

-          I can’t, Wendy said, chuckling.

-          I don’t understand how people can sleep so much, Lily mused. There are so many fun things to do, when you’re awake !

-          So, you don’t sleep at night ? Wendy asked, amused.

Lily shook her head, lifting her chin proudly :

-          No ! she said. I run around and play all night.

-          Do you now ?

-          Yes ! Every time, I go somewhere – and I play, and I fight, and I come back every morning.

Something twisted inside Wendy’s stomach as she listened to the child. There was a glint, a playfulness to Lily’s gaze that gave Wendy an odd sense of dread and hope, all at once.

-          That sounds like fun, she said after a moment, her voice sounding distant to her ears.

-          It is, Lily confirmed with a grin. I’m more than me there – they call me Tiger Lily, because I can growl like a tiger, and nobody would dare cross me ! There are woods, there’s water, mermaids, and there are fairies in the trees. But they’re not always very nice.

-          What’s this place called ?

It was impossible – Wendy knew that. Children had imagination – lord knows that when she had been a girl, Wendy had come up with wilder stories than this – but she couldn’t help but ask, holding her breath without even realizing it.

And she knew Lily’s answer before she even gave it.

-          Neverland, the little girl said.

Wendy wasn’t sure if she wanted to cry, hide or scream. Neverland – _Neverland_ , the destroyed island, the realm she had tried to forget, to lock away in her mind so she could finally live in the real world – Neverland was gone. It had died, along with his King.

-          Neverland, Wendy repeated, her breath catching in her chest.

-          Yes, Lily said, still grinning. It’s a place where everything is possible. You just have to believe.

-          Believe, the young woman murmured, trying not to let on how shaken she was.

-          Yes ! I go there every night, almost.

-          And you’re back in the morning ?

-          Of course, Lily answered, nodding.

Wendy felt as though her legs would have given out if she had been standing. Lily looked gleeful, cheery – and Wendy couldn’t help it, she couldn’t stop herself from asking :

-          What’s it like ? What’s it like, over there ?

She was trembling from within, her hands shaking, her heart pounding in her ribcage – she couldn’t believe it, it was impossible, she had seen the island collapse with her own eyes…

-          It’s magical, Lily answered wistfully. Every night, the Shadow takes me, and brings me back. There are other children – sometimes, we don’t want to go home, because we’re having fun, but we always have to leave, eventually. Nobody can stay here forever.

Wendy let out a little breath, stifling a sob, hoping the little girl wouldn’t notice. There was now an expression of thoughtfulness on Lily’s face as she paused, before saying :

-          Well. All, except one.

Wendy froze, holding her breath – time had stopped around her. It felt like an eternity passed before she could bring herself to speak at last :

-          Who ?

Lily looked at Wendy, a frown passing on her young face as she noticed how upset the young woman was. But she answered anyway :

-          The one who plays the flute.

Wendy wanted to cry, and she had to bring a hand to clutch at her heart, completely overwhelmed. Memories of Peter playing a music she had never been able to hear flashed through her mind.

It couldn’t _be him._

The little girl looked concerned, worried :

-          Are you okay, Wendy ?

-          Yes, the young woman answered, faking a smile, nodding fervently. Yes – could you tell me more ? About the one who plays the flute ?

Lily chewed on her lip, oblivious to the extent of Wendy’s turmoil, then replied :

-          We don’t see really him. Sometimes, we hear him play, but it never lasts. He lives in a treehouse. All children have to leave – but somehow, he stays. I think that’s the rule – you can only stay if you have nowhere else to go.

Wendy wasn’t sure how she felt anymore : her heart was threatening to leap from her chest because if she was right, if the little girl was telling the truth, that meant Peter – Peter, her Peter - Peter was _alive_ , he was in _Neverland_ , and he was alone, all alone…

-          What’s his name ? Wendy asked, her voice sounding distant to her ears. Do you know ?

-          No, Lily said, shaking her head. I don’t know.

-          Does he… does he hurt you ?

This was perhaps the hardest question to ask. Because if what Wendy was starting to let her believe was true, could she even be happy about it, if Peter had returned to his ways ? If he was savage, vicious, cruel, trying to keep the children in Neverland, same as ever ?

-          No, Lily answered, shaking her head. When there’s danger, he protects us – he’s good with a knife. But he never stays with us. I think he’s sad…. Wendy ?

The young woman wiped her eyes quickly, having trouble breathing – Lily looked concerned, curious, confused.

-          I’m fine, Wendy said, shaking her head. I – I’m sorry.

-          Don’t cry, Wendy ! Lily said, trying to cheer her up. I’m sure you could come too, one day. You just have to leave the window open – or the Shadow doesn’t come.

Wendy had to stand up, overwhelmed – she paced around the room a little, trying to calm herself. Her mind was reeling – because, how, _how_ ? How was it possible ?

How could Peter be alive ? How could Neverland be back ?

All evening, as she tried to get her mind off it – cooking for the little girl, watching a movie with her – Wendy couldn’t stop reflecting on the situation. Hope, fear, disbelief rose through her, burning, terrifying. She had worked so hard to move on, and she felt as though a simple conversation with a young girl had been enough to burn all that to ashes. Because all she could think about that evening, all she could see was Peter.

She felt restless – she felt like calling someone in Storybrooke, asking if they had heard anything about Neverland – but she didn’t. None of them would understand what this meant to her.

That night, when Tecumseh arrived, he thanked her. Wendy bid goodbye to him, to Lily – then rushed back home. She curled up on her bed and sobbed, crushed under the weight of her tension.

It wasn’t _possible_.

And yet… she had put his heart back in his chest, hadn’t she ? Perhaps he had survived – with magic, perhaps the Shadow had saved him – in a world of curses, mermaids, magic, enchanted hearts – anything was possible, wasn’t it ?

Wendy was unraveling.

That night, she left her window open. Just in case.

Nothing happened.

But the next night, Wendy felt a breeze of wind hover over the bed, and she looked up, sitting up – she expected there to be nothing but air, or perhaps the Shadow -  a sob cracked her ribcage, dying in her throat as a familiar silhouette stood in her bedroom, in front of the window.

It was Peter Pan.

He was the same, eternal, young and yet, Wendy could spot some differences. His hair was a bit darker, and he looked slightly older. His clothes were the same, dark green and brown, and his skin wasn’t as pale as it had been the last time she had seen him. He stared at her in the night, and Wendy wished the sky outside was lighter so she could better see his face.

For an eternity, they stared at each other. She took in his silhouette, his face – he stood a little differently, with less of that haughtiness that had been his before. But he was still proud, mighty – angel, now, perhaps, instead of god.

He stared back at her, his eyes veiled in the darkness – but his chest was heaving, his heart pounding with emotion. Wendy felt a tear trail down her cheek.

-          How ? she murmured at last, unable to even stand.

He didn’t answer – he was staring at her, fascinated, utterly wrapped up in the sight of her. She was different – a little older, of course, with a different haircut, but she was still Wendy.

His Wendy.

-          The Seer told the truth, he said after a moment. The search for the Truest Believer – it made Neverland as it once was. Before me. It’s a place of dreams, of magic, again.

Wendy’s tears burned her eyes at the sound of his voice – she had almost forgotten the sound of it. She stood, ethereal, on shaky knees, standing at the edge of the bed, looking at him. He was here – he was right there, but she didn’t dare touch him. It was as though she feared he would disappear, like a ghost, like an illusion.

-          You survived, she murmured. Your heart…

-          It worked, Peter answered in a whisper. When I woke up, you were gone – Neverland was gone. And then – it was born again.

-          Peter…

She extended her hand, limbs trembling in the dark – she brushed her fingertips against the skin of his forearm. He shivered under her touch, and he swallowed, closing his eyes. It was like he had been aching for her touch for a hundred years.

-          Wendy, he whispered, her name a prayer on his lips. Wendy…

The young woman caressed his skin gently, delicately, as though she was afraid to break him. Mesmerized by his very presence, she traced patterns on his arm, until he opened his eyes eyes. His gaze fell to her dainty fingers, before moving up to her face – their eyes met, and the night swallowed them whole.

They both moved at the same time – his rough hands tugged at her nightgown, gripping her shoulders while Wendy’s arms circled his waists – they fell into each other’s arms, broken, intoxicated,  clinging to each other for dear life. Peter buried his face in Wendy’s neck, breathing in the perfume he had missed so much while Wendy pressed a kiss to Peter’s chest, sobbing, feeling as though she was drowning, and Peter was her anchor.   

-          Peter, she repeated, as though he would disappear if she stopped calling his name. Peter, Peter, Peter…

-          I missed you, he croaked, breathless. I missed you, so much…

-          Me too – I can’t believe you’re alive, I can’t believe you’re here…

-          Believe it.

She looked up into his eyes, tearful – she leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips, the taste of him delightfully familiar. His hands moved up to cup her face gently – his fingers were shaking just as much as hers. Because he had waited – oh, how he had waited to hold her again. If mere years had passed for Wendy, it had felt like centuries to Peter. For a long time, he had been weak, wounded, broken, vanquished. The sight of his ruined kingdom was like a burning iron on his regained heart.

But then, the light had begun to shine again, sending hope soaring through his being, even if there was still an underlying bitterness to the fact that Neverland wasn’t his anymore. Children had begun to come again, as they once had. Peter still felt linked to the realm – how could he not, after his heart had fueled it for years ? – but it wasn’t the same.

And he missed Wendy. He wanted his Wendy back, but he was afraid to seek her out, feeling like a fallen king, undeserving of his queen. Until, one day, a little girl with braids had mentioned a Wendy, one who cried at the thought of Neverland. So that night, he followed the Shadow to London – the urge to see her again was too strong, once more.

And now, she was back in his arms, and at last, he felt his own heart starting to beat again.

-          You’re alive, Wendy said softly, her heart exploding with joy. Neverland is alive…

-          Yes, Peter said, smiling at last, a light twinkling in his eyes. It’s back.

He kissed her again, and she melted, her legs almost giving out under the weight of her emotions. She met his eyes again, and he stroked her hair, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

-          I love you, he murmured. Wendy, I love you – I love you…

-          I love you too, Wendy answered, emotion cracking her voice. I love you, Peter…

Peter pulled away to look at her, his hands caressing her face lovingly. Wendy gave him a tearful, broken smile, and he brushed away her tears :

-          Don’t cry. Don’t cry, Wendy-bird.

-          Peter… Peter…

One of his hands slipped into hers, lacing their fingers together. He took a step back, pulling her with him – for a moment, it was like they were still in Neverland, playing. Just a boy, and a girl.

-          Come away with me, Peter said, his whisper low and hopeful in the darkness. Come back to Neverland – things will be different. _I’m_ different.

-          I know, Wendy murmured.

-          Then come, Peter breathed, boyish, playful, but fiercely tender. Come with me, Wendy.

Wendy stared at him : at his face, inviting, still wild, but without any of the savagery she had been accustomed to. He was still very much himself – changeable, youthful, with a darkened, capricious soul – but his own heart beat again in his chest, and his love for her was real, realer than ever. His hand held hers, possessively, yet gently. She paused for a moment, biting her lip, then stroked his palm with her thumb.

-          Actually, she said, her voice soft, warm, tender. I was thinking that maybe, you could stay for a while.

Peter’s expression shifted and for a moment, Wendy caught a glimpse of the dangerous being he still was – his gaze darkened, his jaw clenched, and he looked ready to pull away, almost out of habit.

But he didn’t. He looked at her, raising his free hand to caress her face, once more, and Wendy smiled, feeling content, oddly serene despite the whirlwind of emotions she had just been through. Peter studied her features quietly in the moonlight.

And then, slowly, his expression softened, and he began to smile, because Wendy Darling had asked him to _stay_.

So he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE. See ? I'm not a monster !!


	14. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to end the story at the previous chapter, but I thought that after everything I put you (and them) through, you deserved something more. Enjoy !

-          Peter.

-          Mmm ?

-          Peter, move.

-          Mmmm…

-          I have to get up !

-          Why ?

-          Because I missed all my classes yesterday.

-          And wasn’t that fun ?

Wendy giggled joyfully. It had been fun indeed. She had spent the day with Peter – talking, kissing, making love – they hadn’t left the apartment once, wrapped up in each other, making up for lost time. Now, it was early morning, and a soft sun shone through the window, lending on the bed where Peter and Wendy laid together. Peter was currently busy clinging to Wendy, one leg hooked over hers, his arm wrapped around her waist to keep her from moving.

-          Yes, it was, Wendy murmured, pressing a kiss to his forehead. But I have to go to class today.

-          But if you go, Peter said with a hint of a pout, what am I going to do ?

-          Mmm… do my laundry ? Cook ? Keep my bed warm for me ?

Peter lifted his head to look at her, raising his eyebrows, while Wendy fought back a giggle at his expression. He lowered his voice, amused, then said :

-          Oh, is that what I am now ? Your little slave ?

-          Are you complaining ?

-          That depends.

-          Depends on what ?

Peter shifted on the bed, resting his head against Wendy’s shoulder, pressing kisses to her neck :

-          On the things you want me to do for you… _to_ you… he murmured seductively against her skin.

-          I’ve got something.

-          Yes ?

-          Let me get up.

Peter whined softly, but moved – Wendy giggled and sat up. She glanced towards her phone, on the end table, and sighed when she saw the messages flashing.

-          I’m going to have to call back my brothers, she muttered. They’ll worry.

-          What are you going to tell them ?

Wendy took a glance behind her. Peter was lying on his side, propping himself up with his elbow. Wendy bit her lip, thought for a moment, then said :

-          I don’t know.

-          Maybe I can be your little secret, Peter said with a grin. Your _dirty_ little secret.

-          Peter ! I’ll have to tell them eventually

-          I know.

Just as Wendy was about to get up, she felt Peter move beside her, and she soon felt his hand brush against her hair, and his lips press to the nape of her neck. Distractedly, his fingers played with the hem of the oversized t-shirt she was wearing in bed.

-          Birdie ? he said.

She closed her eyes at his gentle touch, smiling at the use of the old nickname.

-          Mmm ?

-          You and I, Peter continued, his voice betraying his slight nervousness. We’re together now, right ? For good ?

Wendy felt her heart skip a beat, and turned towards him, looking back at him over her shoulder. She gave Peter a little smile, looking into his eyes, and nodded :

-          Yeah, she said softly.

-          I love you, he said quietly, his gaze dropping to her lips.

-          I love you too.

-          Can you stay ? Please ?

Wendy bit her lip, looking at him tenderly. He was staring at her, his fingers caressing the side of her head gently – he pressed a few, soft kisses to her lips and nuzzled her nose with his.

 _That manipulator,_ Wendy thought, giving him an half-amused glare.

All she got in response was a grin, and an innocent look. She rolled her eyes.

-          I guess I could skip my morning class, she mused slowly.

The look of triumph on Peter’s face was impossible to miss, and he hid his face against her bare shoulder to mask his grin.

-          Maybe I could borrow some clothes from my neighbor, for you, Wendy continued, nudging Peter. You’ll swim in them, but maybe we can go have lunch.

-          Whatever you want, birdie.

-          And afterwards – I’ll go to class.

-          Sure.

Wendy could tell from Peter’s tone, from the look on his face that he would probably try to convince her to stay home in the afternoon too – but he wouldn’t have his way, this time. Still, the way he looked at her and snuggled up to her was endearing, and she bent to give him a kiss. He responded happily, running his fingers through her hair, deepening the kiss. Wendy smiled against his lips, and she soon felt Peter’s arms around her, pulling her back into bed.

She didn’t protest : she found herself with her head on his chest, his arm around her. She let out a content sigh as a short, comfortable silence settled between them. She felt Peter caress her hair softly, and she closed her eyes, breathing in and out slowly. She felt serene, happy, relaxed. No worries entered her mind.

-          Wendy ?

Peter’s voice was soft, intimate, almost a caress. Wendy didn’t open her eyes, soothed by his voice, by his touch :

-          Yeah ?

-          Do you remember when you read to me ? In Storybrooke ?

A smile grazed her lips at the memory :

-          Yes.

-          Could you do it again ?

The request surprised her a little – she glanced up at Peter, who was looking at her pensively. He was in one of his quiet moments, where his gaze was calmer, unreadable, subdued – she never quite knew what to make of it. But he didn’t look unhappy : simply expectant. Wendy nodded, and sat up, fumbling around her end table. She grabbed the first book she could find, then moved back on the bed. She rested her neck against Peter’s chest, her legs propped up on the bed nonchalantly. She smiled, opened the book where she had left it – she was near the end, already - and started reading. Peter listened : Wendy felt his breathing underneath her head, slowly, relaxed, peaceful. He returned his fingers to her hair, playing with it gently as she read. 

Outside, the sun rose in the sky, filling the clouds with glowing colors who seeped through the curtain, bathing the couple in sweet sunlight. Wendy could feel it warming her skin. 

-          _You have to understand_ , she read. _I am no one special. I am just a single girl. I am five feet two inches tall and I am in-between in every way._

She paused to press a kiss to Peter's chest, turning her head slightly. Peter smiled slightly, and he brushed his fingers against her cheek, before returning them to her hair. 

-          _But I have a secret._

There was a smile, sweet, tender in her voice as she read. Peter smiled too.  

-      _You can build walls all the way to the sky and I will find a way to fly above them_ , Wendy said. _You can try to pin me down with a hundred thousand arms, but I will find a way to resist. And there are many of us out there, more than you think. People who refuse to stop believing. People who refuse to come to earth. People who love in a world without walls, people who love into hate, into refusal, against hope, and without fear._

Peter’s fingers laced with her free hand, and he brought it to his lips, pressing a kiss to it. It was with a teary, yet fearless voice, and a heart glowing with hope, that Wendy finished :

-      _I love you. Remember. They cannot take it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, there ! DONE. I AM DONE. I hope I didn’t let you down, I hope I soothed your hearts. I made the ending open-ended, because I’m not a fan of happily-ever-afters, especially after such a wretched, dark story, but there’s a clear glimmer of hope, and I think that’s what matters. No sequel to this, although I may write a companion piece or two if you want to have Peter’s POV on some things, or if I need to fill in some blanks.  
> So, there, guys ! It’s been a blast, and you all have been wonderful and supportive. I also write fics on tumblr (I’m going to eventually put them here, but I’m lazy and slow so find me here : birdsandmirrors.tumblr.com) And merry early Christmas to all ! 
> 
> The quote at the end is “Delirium - Lauren Oliver”. I never read it, but I do know the story and I thought that quote seemed very fitting as an end to the story.


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